Trying to figure out whether I should report this to HR - advice needed

[skygazer]

Crap. I hate this stuff. Background - I'm 44 and have worked in "non-traditional" jobs all my life. I was the only woman on a road construction crew. I worked as a snowmobile mechanic. I ran heavy equipment. I've worked with many men and some of them had a problem with it and some of them didn't. I never filed any complaints and never felt I had to. I was always able to do my job and I always earned respect, even from those who initially were skeptical.

This is a little different.

As a lot of you know, I manage a liquor department in a grocery store. We had a guy come in yesterday to run a sample table. These people come in regularly - they're not hired by the company per se but are from an outside employer. They always set up in my aisle and I've never had a problem with any of them though there's not much room there. We've always worked together to make sure we each have the room we need.

Well, this guy just set right up with his table jammed up against my shelves so no one could reach the booze on them - port and sherry, two things I sell a lot of right now. So I told him (politely) that he needed to move the table back a bit, just so people could reach my stuff.

He was very condescending and patronizing to me. Told me, "Oh, I always help the ladies pick out something nice" which put my back up right there. I told him again that he'd have to move and he insisted that he "always" sets up there. I told him, "Look, I have sample people here all the time. There's room to set up without blocking my stuff."

So he moved (infinitesimally) but as soon as my back was turned, he was right back there again. I saw a guy trying to reach the port (and failing) and got really irritated.

I told the guy, "Look, I'm not going to tell you again, you have to move back." And he replied, "Now, Honey...."

Well, that was it. Shit like that doesn't normally bug me overly much but combined with the fact that he was already treating me in a very patronizing manner (a manner I doubt he'd have used on a man), I was highly offended. I got right in his face and said, "How dare you call me 'honey'?" and he backed off but STILL wouldn't move his table. I had to get the manager on duty to make him move it.

So I'm debating whether to report it. The thing is, I can put up with a lot of crap, but in this instance, he's coming into MY store and into MY department and expecting me to put up with rude, condescending and sexist crap. In addition, I also heard him calling a lot of our customers "honey" and I'd be willing to bet a lot of them found it as irritating as I do. We have a lot of educated, professional women who shop at our store and though I don't mean that he should call anyone he doesn't know honey, I think it's more apt to bother a woman like that. You know what I mean?

On the other hand, I'm uncomfortable putting someone's job at risk. I could sure use some objective feedback.

[joneschick]

1. HE put his job at risk.

You just need to make sure the details are in order. His employer needs to know, hopefully, before he does something magnificiently stupid and gets them in trouble. Good luck.

[Jade Fox]

16. Thank you.

[radwriter0555]

2. Life is too short to worry about pathetic people like this. He's causing

no harm, he's just irritating.

Calling someone 'honey' isn't hurting anyone but himself...

[seemunkee]

3. What if that drives away customers?

I know my wife wouldn't go back.

[skygazer]

5. Yes, that was my other point

It's inappropriate and he's aiming it at our customers who don't know he's not affiliated with our store. It's a reflection on the store itself.

[skygazer]

4. It's not just calling me "honey"

If that was all of it, I'd just shrug it off. But that's MY department. I run it. And yet when I asked him quite reasonably to move his stuff in such a way as we could both work, I was treated like I was just some sort of amusing little fluff. Not the manager in charge of that particular part of the store.

I haven't worked my ass off for 32 years to have some asshole who doesn't even work at my store treat me so condescendingly. I should NOT have to get backup from the manager on duty to have this guy respect my request.

It is more than just calling me honey.

[Darth_Kitten]

14. I would report it....

It's disrespectful and since you are the manager of that area, why didn't he listen to you?

Calling me honey in and of itself would make me go batsh*t. :(

You need to have the authority to manage your own section, pure and simple. He was interfering with business. :(

[Oeditpus Rex]

6. Nah, don't report him

Take him out behind the store and beat the shit out of him. :woohoo:

[skygazer]

8. Believe me, I thought of that

And those who know me well were amazed at my restraint. :evilgrin:

[Oeditpus Rex]

9. Well, if you change your mind

can I watch? :bounce:

[skygazer]

10. Yeah, sure, why not?

I do love an audience. O8)

[LaurenG]

7. Give it one more try at this point it would be a power play to call.

If he should come back again let him know that you have the HR # right in your hand. Show it to him, then tell him nicely that since this is your store and your department you would like him to set up over here, show him. If you get any more lip play the trump card and call. At least that way he'll know up front that you won't "play anymore. Just my 2 cents.

[I Have A Dream]

23. I like this. I like that it comes from you rather than from your manager.

However, I'd be certain to let your manager know that you're going to do it so that you have his/her support. (Unless you are sure that it wouldn't be a problem.)

[Capn Sunshine]

11. Some guys you have to pull rank

He obviously completely misunderstands the chain of command. Thisis something you can have the GM of the store address, since that seems to be what he was implying by his behavior; ie the GM is who he answers to,, not the department head ( you)

Ask your GM to back you up and tell the guy on no uncertain terms, "look, we have you here as a courtesy to your company. Please respect the store department management and what she says, goes. In the future, consult with her on placement. (What's wrong with the end caps?) I don't want to hear another word about this, ok?"

Sometimes, your authority needs to be asserted in no uncertain terms. This is a pissing contest, and you want to keep your shoes dry.

[trof]

21. This gets my vote.

yeppers

[trof]

12. I dunno. People like that really piss me off.

My first inclination is to say "nail him".
If he understood that you're the boss of that area, it shouldn't have been necessary to call in a "higher authority".
That, in and of itself pisses me off too.

OK, my SECOND inclination is to nail him.
Just my $.02.
;-)

[skygazer]

13. I like your inclinations

Just typing the OP pissed me off all over again. :grr:

[cally]

15. If that happened to me,

I'd go to the manager and tell him your concerns about the customers' reaction to this. I'd ask the manager to call the company or deal with it because it deals with the store's image. I wouldn't make it about your reaction as his general reaction to women. Just laughingly say that you were ready to explode and you work there, you can imagine what other professional women who can choose other stores would do. Good luck.

[AwakeAtLast]

20. What she said

But if you don't get any satisfaction from the manager, call his employer.

:hi:

[skygazer]

22. This is where I'm leaning

My manager is a very good guy and very supportive of his employees. He also respects me enormously because I do (if I may pat myself on the back here) an excellent job and am always very professional. Because of this, he will take my concerns seriously (not that he wouldn't take anyone's concerns seriously - he would). I think it's likely he can handle the situation in-house rather than having to take the next step and go to HR.

Thanks for your input. :hi:

[TallahasseeGrannie]

17. If he is in a position above you

then I would report him. If he is lateral, get in his face if he does it again. Report him if it continues.

My concern is that sometimes when you report these jerks you in essence give your power away. Now, sometimes it is so bad you have to, but you sound like a woman with plenty of power of your own. Use it.

[LynneSin]

18. You're not putting anyone's job at risk - HE IS

Report him.

It's not his store. It sounds like you have an area set aside where he can do his business. If he's not satified with that then the guy should be booted.

I shop at a liquor store that sounds alot like where you work. They have plenty of top shelf (and uber top shelf products) with plenty of sample folks setting up shop. This place is so snooty they don't even sell 40s or Wino wine. If someone inside of the store acted like this schmuck I would immediately complain to management even if the person in question is not a store employee. It's their store and they should be responsible for everyone working in there even the sample guy.

[peacefreak]

19. You also have to think about the company that sent him.

If you were his boss, would you want someone to represent your product that is rude to potential customers? If someone treated me (as a customer) that way I certainly would not buy anything he had to offer. Being boorish is no inticement for a sale.

[crispini]

24. Well, considering that he is not a fellow employee,

but rather an employee of an outside vendor, I'd say YES, darn tootin. Now, I would have YOUR manager take it up with HIS manager -- that would seem to me to be proper protocol. But you know, YOU, as the store employee, are one of HIS customers, and since he is your vendor, he should be darn happy to take direction from ANY person who is his vendor.

Jeez! Don't ALL vendors know... they are pretty much the whipping boy for EVERYBODY who works for their customer? And I say this because I *AM* a vendor... I get to put up with some fun stuff in the name of customer service. It's my job. :D

[WCGreen]

25. TURN HIM IN.....

[nini]

26. He disrespected the entire store by moving back to his location of choice

It's not just how he treated you.. he didn't respect the alliance of both companies. He was unprofessional in more than one way.

Tell your superiors and let them decide how to deal with that company in general.

[spindrifter]

27. Report him--

he obviously does not like his job enough to work within the required parameters. If he wants to use terms of endearment with strangers, maybe he could set up his own place and do as he wishes.

[khashka]

28. Well, honey....

(couldn't resist) report him. Not only did he treat you very unprofessionally, he also was running the risk of damaging sales. If he was treating female customers like he treated you, some of them may choose not to shop there anymore.

When I worked in retail, one of the things my boss hammered into my head was to treat customers and fellow employees with excruciating politeness - and she was right.

I've been guilty of calling women "honey" or "babe" or "sweetheart" - but women I know and have a rapport with. Never ever ever with strangers or in a work environment.

Reporting him probably won't lose him his job (unless there have been prior complaints) and he needs to learn that sort of behaviour is simply unacceptable.

Khash.

[MrScorpio]

29. How come you didn't hit the fucker with a baseball bat?

That's how we do it in the hood