How About Favorite Lines From Christmas (Or Holiday) Movies?

[MarianJack]

There are some great Christmas Movies out there, and many of them have some CLASSIC lines. Most of my favorites are funny, one isn't.

Here are a few of mine:

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation;

1 "When Santa Squeezes his fat ass down the Chimney, he's going to see the hap-hap-happiest bunch of assholes since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fuckin' Kaye!"

and

2 "Merry Christmas, Holy Shit! Where's the Tylenol?"

Miracle on 34th Street (the 90's remake. This line may be in the original, but I haven't seen that one in almost 40 years!)

"If you can't accept anything on faith, you're doomed to a life consumed by doubt."

The Santa Clause

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night! When I wake up, I'm getting a Cat-Scan!"

And My Favorite is...

A Christmas Story

"Fra-gee-lee. Must be Italian!"

I know that there are many more. You'll almost certainly remind me of some of them. What are yours?

[Err]

1. "You'll shoot your eye out!"

I love that line!

[MarianJack]

4. The Look On Ralphie's Face...

...when the demonic Santa says that before giving him the boot on the forehead!

[ScreamingMeemie]

2. "All I want is what I have coming to me. All I want is my fair share."

Sally Brown...Charlie Brown Christmas

and also, from Sally:

"Dear Santa Claus, How have you been? Did you have a nice summer? How is your wife? I have been extra good this year, so I have a long list of presents that I want. Please note the size and color of each item, and send as many as possible. If it seems too complicated, make it easy on yourself: just send money. How about tens and twenties?"

[MarianJack]

3. Sally Has a Gift...

...for cutting to the chase!

[Mad_Dem_X]

23. I like Lucy's little rant too:

"...I always get some stupid toys or a bike or something. I never get what I *really* want!"

Charlie Brown: "What's that?"

Lucy: "Real estate."


And just about every line from "A Christmas Story" is a classic.

"I triple-dog-dare you!"

[momophile]

61. "hohoho and mistletoe and presents for pretty girls"...

Lucy from Charlie Brown Christmas...

also Lucy, "I've been kissed by a dog! Get hot water! Get some disinfectant! Get some iodine!"

[ET Awful]

5. It's all humbug I tell you! - Ebeneezer Scrooge

:P

[MarianJack]

7. "What I Want...

...is to be LEFT ALONE!"

[borlis]

6. Jimmy Stewart in "It's a Wonderful Life"

1. After "coming back" he is running down the street and knocks on the window and yells "Merry Christmas, Mr. Potter."

2. When he says to Donna Reed "What did we have to have all these kids for?" (My hubby and I use that one quite often in our everyday life!)

[MarianJack]

8. One Of My Wife's and My Favorites!

"I wish I had a million dollars. HOT DOG!"

[CBHagman]

9. Oh, there are some great ones...

From A Christmas Story:

Ralphie: Oh, fudge.... (Jean Shepherd, in voiceover: "Only I didn't say 'fudge.'")

From The Lion in Winter:

King Henry: What shall we hang, the holly or each other?

From The Ref:

Cop (while watching It's a Wonderful Life at the station): You know, I've never seen this movie.

Second cop: Don't you LIVE in this country?

[MarianJack]

13. "My, My,...

...whatever will we do with Mother?"

&

"Say that again and you'll say it to my horse's ass!"

2 of my favorite "Lion in Winter" lines!

[Ryano42]

10. "To George Bailey...

The Richest Man in Town..."

:cry:
:hug:

[MarianJack]

14. And Clarence's Inscription in the book!

"...no man is a failure who has friends. Thanks for the wings!"

[Coventina]

11. OUT YOU TWO PIXIES GO!!! THROUGH THE DOOR OR OUT THE WINDOW!!!

Runner up:

"Check me! I'm givin' out wings!"

Ya gotta love "evil Nick"!

:loveya:

[MarianJack]

15. The Great...

...Sheldon Leonard!

"We serve hard liquor to men who want to get drunk in a hurry!"

[C_eh_N_eh_D_eh]

12. It was not in the original (the 34th Street line)

The line in the original was "Faith is believing in things when common sense tells you not to."

"One day, Doris Walker, you're going to realize that your 'realistic' way of looking at the world just doesn't work. And when you do, don't overlook those 'lovely intangibles'; you'll discover they're the only things that *are* worthwhile!"

That was a great movie.

"Well, what if he's only a little crazy, like poets, or composers, or some of those men in Washington?"

"He failed his examination?"
"Yes."
"You mean, he answered the questions incorrectly?"
"Well, no. But there was a complete lack of concentration. He kept changing the subject; he was even questioning me!"

"Uh... speaking of delusions..."

"But you do it your way, Henry. You go out there and you tell 'em that the New York Supreme Court rules there's no Santy Claus. Go ahead. But if you do, remember this: next year, you can count on getting just two votes, your own and that District Attorney's out there!"
"(Sigh) The District Attorney's a Republican."

[MarianJack]

16. Nice Lines!

I've got to see if someplace has the original and the remake in a DVD combined package.

Our VHS of the original is nearly shot to hell!

[catmandu57]

17. "Spirit are these your children?"

"They belong to mankind, this boy is ignorance, and the girl is want. Fear them both, but, above all fear this boy!".
Any version of Scrooge.

[MarianJack]

18. And In The White House, They Are Now Saying...

..."Fear the boy? Shit! He's helped us a LOT! We like the girl, too! She helps us get cannon fodder for our wars!"

[CBHagman]

19. The best line from The Ref.

Says Lloyd (Kevin Spacey) to his cruel, manipulative mother (Glynis Johns), who has just complained about how much she's sacrificed for her family:

"You know what I am going to get you next Christmas? A big wooden cross, so every time you feel unappreciated for all your sacrifices you can climb on up and nail yourself to it!"

[Mad_Dem_X]

24. Yes! And this one:

"Caroline, the day you see *anything* through to the end, I'll stick my own dick in my ear!" :P

[CBHagman]

31. "We have bungee cords!"

While being held hostage, bound, no less:

Caroline: That was quite an outburst. I should tie you up more often!

[MarianJack]

37. I Never Even Heard Of the Ref,...

...but from these lines, I think I'd love it!

[dback]

20. "Well, what shall we hang? The holly or each other?"

"The Lion in Winter," of course--everyone's favorite family holiday film. (Mom and Dad are separated, Dad has a new girlfriend, Oldest son is about to be dragged out of the closet, the other two sons are madly plotting coups, and England and France could erupt into war at any moment. Etc.)

Other gems:

"Give me a little peace."
"A little? Why so modest? How about eternal peace, now there's a thought."

"I could peel you like a pear and God himself would call it justice!"

(Shaking a package): "It's my tombstone! Eleanor, you spoil me!"

"Hush dear, Mother's fighting."

"Henry...did you ever love me?"
"No."
"...good. That will make this pleasanter."

"How was your crossing? Did the channel part for you?!"
"It went flat when I told it to, I didn't think to ask for more."

"How dear of you to let me out of jail!"

[terrya]

22. I was just going to post this!

I love "The Lion in Winter". It really is my favorite holiday film. Hell, my favorite film, period.

Eleanor to Henry "Henry...I have a confession. I don't much like our children"

Great stuff. :-)

[CBHagman]

26. Great capsule description!

Ah, yes, it makes a lot of us remember our little family get-togethers. Sigh.

Don't forget this one, from Prince Geoffrey (John Castle) to his mother, Eleanor of Aquitane (Katharine Hepburn):

I know. You know I know. I know you know I know. We know Henry knows, and Henry knows we know it. We're a knowledgeable family.


And Eleanor, on her first marriage:

I even made poor Louis take me on Crusade. How's that for blasphemy. I dressed my maids as Amazons and rode bare-breasted halfway to Damascus. Louis had a seizure, and I damn near died of windburn, but the troops were dazzled.

[MarianJack]

38. I Don't Remember the Line Exactly,...

...but Kate Hepburn has a great on early in the movie about the role of sex in history.

The way she & O'Toole played off of each other was a treasure.

Did you see the remake with Patrick Stewart & Glenn Close. HUGE disappointment!

[CBHagman]

54. Here's the line.

Eleanor of Aquitaine (Katharine Hepburn) to her three surviving sons (Anthony Hopkins, John Castle, Nigel Terry), reflecting on her first marriage, to King Louis of France:

"If I had managed sons for him, instead of all those little girls, I'd still be stuck with being queen of France, and we should not have
known each other.

"Such, my angels, is the role of sex in history."

Great movie, one of the most quotable!

[dannofoot]

21. "Now remember...

...even if we're horribly mangled...there are no sad faces at Christmas!"

-Jim Carrey as the Grinch-

[MarianJack]

39. I have to see that one day!

Jim Carrey is Perfect casting!

[Initech]

25. Also from Christmas Vacation:

"Merry Christmas! Shitter's full!"

"Honey, have you checked our shitters?"

And then when Clark is hitting on the department store clerk:

"Oh well. Good golly. Tis the season to be Mary!"

"That's my name."

"No shit!"

[TallahasseeGrannie]

28. And another from CV

when Clark is going on about the Christmas star and the guy says "That's just the light from the sewage treatment plant."

[Initech]

30. I love that movie. More:

Clark: Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?
Eddie: Naw, I'm doing just fine, Clark.

Ellen: What are you looking at?
Clark: Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn... the clean, cool chill of the holiday air... an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer...

Ellen: Clark, I think it'd be best if everyone went home... before things get worse.
Clark: WORSE? How could things get any worse? Take a look around here, Ellen. We're at the threshold of hell.

[Z_I_Peevey]

62. In the spirit of the season,

here's the whole quote from Chevy Chase's classic outburst:

"Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?"

Dang, I never get tired of that speech!

[MarianJack]

40. "...And I'd Like To Get Something For You, Clark,...

...Something REAL NICE!"

BTW, isn't the shop girl's name MERRY?

[pdx_prog]

27. It's a major award!

[MarianJack]

41. AHHHH, YES!

The glow of electric sex!

[Beer Snob-50]

29. from the santa clause

tinsel, it's notjust for trees anymore. and then
we are elfs with attitudes.

[MarianJack]

46. Elfs With Attitude!

I guess that they're the ones who put the coal in the stockings!

[robbedvoter]

32. SpongeBob: "What are you going to ask Santa for?"

Patrick (ripping sheet after sheet of paper as he tries to write: "Another piece of paper"

[MarianJack]

42. If SpongeBob, Patrick and bush Were On Jeopardy,...

...bush might actually win! Especially if score is kept by Diebold!

[robbedvoter]

52. With Diebold, the "actual wins" for W amount to 2. Diebold actual wins.

Spongebob not necessary.

[AVulgarianHue]

33. Gus in "The Ref"

I have a gun, it's loaded, shut up.

[MarianJack]

43. I've Gotta Check This One Out!

Lots of responses about this movie!

[Dees]

34. SQUIRREL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[MarianJack]

44. Where's Eddie? He Eats these damn things!

Not anymore Clark, they're high in cholesterol!

Has anyone else noticed that Clark Griswold's middle initial is "W"?

[havocmom]

35. Oh look, a toaster!

Followed by a solid WHOOMP in Bill Murray's head

Carol Kane in Scrooged

[MarianJack]

47. Carol Kane!

A wonderful gift for delivery!

Great sig line, BTW!

[WeRQ4U]

53. Bill Murray follows with "The Bitch hit me with a toaster"

CLassic.

[DanCa]

36. "No one wants a charlie in the box."

[MarianJack]

45. What's that from DanCa?

I'm not familiar with it!

[DanCa]

50. It was from one of those christmas rudolph shows.

The christmas that time forgot i think... They tend to blur.

[xmas74]

57. Rudolph and the Isle of Misfit Toys.

[MissMillie]

48. Here are a few

from Home Alone:

Harry: Why the hell did you take your shoes off?
Marv: Why the hell are you dressed like a chicken?


from A Christmas Story:

Some men are Baptists, others Catholics. My father was an Oldsmobile man.

[Moosepoop]

49. "Didn't I ever tell you about Bumbles? Bumbles BOUNCE!"

Yukon Cornelius in Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. That line always cracked me up as a kid.

[jus_the_facts]

51. "I've seen some pretty shitty situations in my life.....

....but nothing has ever sucked more ass than this!" :D


Badder Santa www.billybobthornton.net

[WeRQ4U]

55. Here are some of my favorites christmas cusses

"Be. Sure. To. Drink. Your. Ovaltine. Ovaltine... a crummy commercial? Son of a bitch"

Ralphy - A Christmas Story

"Well I AM happy with the path that I've chosen, you little BITCH!"

Bill Murray - Scrooged

"We're going to press on and have the hap-hap-happiest christmas since Bing Crosby tap danced with Danny Fuckin' K. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the JOLLIEST bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse."

"You're goofy"

"Don't piss me off Art"

-Chevy Chase in NL CHristmas Vacation

Excuse me, I understand that what you were saying to Natalie was personal. Well I'm involved with her now so this is personal too... You hurt her and I'll hit you so fucking hard your dog will bleed.

-Ed O'neill in Dutch

[Monkey see Monkey Do]

56. A couple of Gonzo & Rizzo exhanges from "A Muppets Chrstmas Carol"

Gonzo: I am here to tell the story.
Rizzo the Rat: And I am here for the food.


Gonzo: My name is Charles Dickens.
Rizzo the Rat: And my name is Rizzo the Rat... wait a second! You're not Charles Dickens!
Gonzo: I am too!
Rizzo the Rat: No! A blue furry Charles Dickens who hangs out with a rat?
Gonzo: Absolutely!
Rizzo the Rat: Charles Dickens was a 19th Century novelest! A genius!
Gonzo: Why, thank you.


Rizzo the Rat: This is scary stuff! Shouldn't we be worried about the kids in the audience?
Gonzo: Oh, no, this is culture!

[WI_DEM]

58. "My toupe looks better than yours" Fred Astaire to Bing Crosby in

"Holiday Inn"

[Initech]

59. How about some from Bad Santa:

"Oh yeah, baby, you won't be able to shit right for a week! "

"He's not going to say fuck stick in front of the children, is he?"

"Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa!"

"Santa likes to fuck fat chicks in the ass. "

Willie: I beat the shit out of some kids today, but it was for a purpose.
Marcus: You're going to need many years of therapy. Many fucking years of therapy.

Woman in Food Court: Look who's here! It's Santa! Tell Santa what you want for Christmas!
Willie: I'm on my fucking lunch break, OK?
Woman in Food Court: The manager's going to hear about this.
Willie: You think you're a threat? You think you can make my fucking life any worse? Go ahead, take a shot!

"Things are fucked up at the North Pole. Mrs. Claus caught me fucking her sister, now I'm out on my ass. "

Willie: Oh, shit. Sage Terrace. What is it with you, anyway? Somebody drop you on your fucking head?
Kid: On *my* head?
Willie: Well, yeah. What, are they gonna drop you on somebody else's head?
Kid: How can they drop me onto my own head?
Willie: No, not *onto* your... Would... God damn it! Are you fucking with me?

[dback]

60. "Goodnight Santa. Good night, Mrs. Santa's Sister."

"Bad Santa." I laughed so hard I almost got sick.

[momophile]

63. "This is a very interesting situation!"...

George Bailey as Mary huddles in the hydrangeas with no clothes on.