Scientific Study: Men With Big Brains Have Tiny Testicles

[matcom]

:hide: DON'T SHOOT THE MESSENGER GUYS :hide:

<snip>

WOMEN have suspected it for millennia, and scientists have finally proved it - men cannot have both big brains and big testicles.

Brainiacs and scholars everywhere may gnash their teeth, but according to a recent study of bats, nature forces the males of a species to make a painful trade-off between mental capacity and sperm production.

Because of the high-energy demands of both brains and sperm, scientists believe males cannot generate large amounts of both.

Bats were ideal subjects for the study. Some female bat species are unusually promiscuous, so natural selection led to males evolving enormous testicles in order to compete with more virile suitors - however at the expense of their brain capacity.

Male bats from less promiscuous species, in which the female is guarded by a single partner, had relatively large brains.

While ape species feature testicles ranging from 0.2 to 0.75 per cent of their body mass, certain types of bats boast testicles up to 8.5 per cent of their mass.

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117,17490140-13762,00.html

[BreweryYardRat]

1. Then I'm the exception to the rule.

[ps1074]

2. HA HA HA

:rofl:

[uncle ray]

30. pity you

small brain AND testicles i presume?

[BreweryYardRat]

56. Heh. Nope.

Large brain (did very well on my SATS), but was joking about the sack. For it to even be 1% of my body weight, it'd have to weigh 2.5 pounds. It's big, but not that big!

[Fleshdancer]

3. um, it's not the size of the testicles that matter

:hide:

[C_eh_N_eh_D_eh]

7. It does if she's not monogamous.

Greater sperm production = greater chance of reproduction if the female is being inseminated by more than one male.

There are analogs for this among the different primate species. A male gorilla has relatively small testicles, because he doesn't need lots of sperm; the females in his harem are unlikely to mate with any other male. On the other end of the spectrum, a female chimpanzee in heat will bonk every functioning male in the tribe several times a day. A male chimp is therefore greatly endowed in the sack department, because his sperm are up against heavy competition and they need a big team.

Before you ask, humans are between those two extremes.

So what this means is, on average, men with larger brains have a lesser chance of reproducing... even on the off chance they can get laid.

Of course, in this age of affordable birth control, a woman with multiple partners has some control over which of them, if any, impregnates her. The biology is still there, however.

[BlueJazz]

4. Ah..Than I guess that i an knot ass smart as i thougt i am.

[In_The_Wind]

5. Yeah ~ but, if you've got the brains the quality should improve immensely!

It all starts in the mind!

[Call Me Wesley]

6. That's such a relief.

To know I'll never need one of these:
http://www.bigducky.com/funny_extreme_videos/nuts.htm

[In_The_Wind]

8. oh my ...

[kick-ass-bob]

13. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Holy shit!

:D

[uppityperson]

53. Thank you Wesley

that is the funniest thing I've seen for a while. :rofl::rofl::rofl:

[Mutley]

71. What the?!?

:rofl:

[Beausoir]

81. That is the funniest thing I have seen in months. n/t

[southlandshari]

9. ....

Why do you hate men so much?

:cry:

[matcom]

11. don't know

i'm too dumb to know why

[southlandshari]

14. Um...

:wow:


:loveya:

























:rofl:

[underpants]

10. I wonder what Rush will say about THIS today

Talent..on loan from GOD!!!

[VaYallaDawg]

12. As for the testicles .... well, let's just not go there.

[Zomby Woof]

15. Not true

That is about the most pseudoscientific crapola I have ever read since we had The Meeting Room here on DU.

Some of our bodies CAN multitask, thank you. :-)

[leftofthedial]

16. I guess I was smart enough to choose to have big balls

what do I need a brain for anyway?

[Straight Shooter]

17. Women have suspected it for millennia?

I call bullsh*t. Never heard of this before. However, I do know a few really good-looking smart men. I wonder if they would be willing to participate in a new scientific survey I'm conducting. }(

[lakemonster11]

38. I've heard it implied before that men

can only run one at a time (brain or genitals), but I haven't heard specifically that men either have large testicles or a large brain. In fact, I've never heard a single woman make any sort of comment about the size of a guy's testicles. Penis, yes---testicles, no.

To quote Bree from Desperate Housewives:
"To be honest, the only thing I don’t like about sex is the scrotum. I mean, obviously it has its practical applications, but I’m just not a fan."

;)

[AntiCoup2K4]

18. Well, since the article comes from Australia, there's only one response...

I'm ever upper class high society
God's gift to ballroom notoriety
I always fill my ballroom
The event is never small
The social pages say I've got
The biggest balls of all

CHORUS:
I've got big balls
I've got big balls
And they're such big balls
Dirty big balls
And he's got big balls
And she's got big balls
But we've got the biggest balls of them all

And my balls are always bouncing
My ballroom always full
And everybody cums and cums again
If your name is on the guest list
No one can take you higher
Everybody says I've got
Great balls of fire

CHORUS

Some balls are held for charity
And some for fancy dress
But when they're held for pleasure
They're the balls that I like best
My balls are always bouncing
To the left and to the right
It's my belief that my big balls
Should be held every night

CHORUS

And I'm just itching to tell you about them
Oh we had such wonderful fun
Seafood cocktail, crabs, crayfish...

[dolo amber]

19. Wow matcom...you must be PACKIN'

:wow:

[WritingIsMyReligion]

59. ROFL!

:P :P

[ucmike]

20. bats and balls......

there's a joke in there somewhere, but i can't quite get my hands around it.......

[eyepaddle]

57. !

:rofl:

[nini]

21. I know for a fact this is NOT true

:evilgrin:

[asthmaticeog]

23. How?

[nini]

24. Well, you obviously don't believe me because it doesn't apply to you

Sorry.


:P

[XNASA]

25. I'll vouch for him.

[nini]

26. TMI

:D

[asthmaticeog]

29. TMI?

For actual TMI, see this post:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x4409397#4410107

[XNASA]

32. I'm sorry. Could you repeat that? I didn't hear you.

I was distracted by................. :wow:

[Zuni]

80. oooooooooooooooooooooo

DAMN

[Midlodemocrat]

33. Me, too. But your fact is not my fact.

My fact is a frigging genius and we only to had to use the same towel to conceive.

I know, I know...TMI.

[DS1]

36. Insemination by locker-room-towel-ass-snap?

Oh fuck, I think I just debunked the immaculate conception.

Joseph whipped Mary with his cumrag

























:hide:

[Midlodemocrat]

37. Nice image, but

our boudoir is certainly not a locker room....it has candles.

[nini]

42. hehe

Some guys just have a difficult time believing both are possible here.

:D

[Kellanved]

34. are you sure?

My understanding is that the study only applies to males with something huge .

So, just knowing someone with tiny testicles and a tiny brain doesn't invalidate the result.

:hide:

[nini]

47. oh .. I'm sure

:P

[Kellanved]

22. I hope they get that fact straight in the next Batman movie

n/t

[Name removed]

27. Deleted sub-thread

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[taterguy]

28. hmmmm

Does this mean you get smarter after a vasectomy? Not to solicit thread blocking medical advice :)

[Err]

31. I have a big brain...

so I guess that means I have small testicles. :eyes:

Oh well. I didn't want kids anyways. :)

Besides, it's not the size of the testicles that matter...it's the size of the...brain...what'd you think I was going to say? :evilgrin:

[Heidi]

35. That's a complete phallacy. (nt)

[southlandshari]

40. ROTFLMAO!

:spray:

Yay! Another NNG on this thread!

The brain cell count here was alarmingly low til you showed up, darlin'!

;)

[Heidi]

43. Dearest Shari,

I've just returned from an afternoon of Christmas shopping on the day-most-rued: Wednesday, when all the school children are unleashed for the afternoon to impede my path and whisper in Italian dialect about the color of my hair.

This being said, you'll understand that I've hardly a brain cell remaining to contribute to this most worthwhile ( :eyes: ) discussion of appendages and dangling participles.

In short ( :evilgrin: ) what I'm asking is, what's an NNG? Naughty Nighthawks Girl? :shrug:

Respectfully submitted,

Heidi

[uppityperson]

54. Hi Heidi, sounds like quite an afternoon

What color is your hair? Hope the shopping went ok, you got good stuff regardless of amazing kidlets.

[Heidi]

74. Hiya, uppityperson!

I'm a natural redhead, which makes me an anomaly here in this very Italian part of Switzerland.

I was really, really, really (and did I mention _really_ ) glad to get home yesterday. (Got my little brother and exquisite Caran d'Ache fountain pen, though. :thumbsup: )

:pals:

[WritingIsMyReligion]

60. LOL.

:rofl:

:D

[sendero]

65. Or..

... phallusy :)

[Mutley]

72. LMAO!

:rofl:

Heidi, you're bad.

[Heidi]

75. But I'm in such good-but-bad company . . .

like you, darlin'. How ya doin', my lovely freckled gf? :hug: :loveya:

[Mutley]

76. I'm good.

Waiting on a snow storm to start tonight. :woohoo:

[Deep13]

39. How do you explain O'Reilly? No brains or balls.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

61. Far too big a bat.

We know already he's just a massive dick.

:P :P :evilgrin:

[bettyellen]

41. maybe the female bats are like Juile "I like em Big and Stupid!" Brown...

funny that never occured to the small and smart scientists....
:rofl:

[SOteric]

44. I know what you want for Christmas

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=7567775239&ssPageName=ADME:B:EF:US:1

But I'm deeply afraid if we gave it to you, you'd end up needing a brain donor just to breathe.

:hi:

[Lydia Leftcoast]

45. Given my druthers, I'll take the big brains every time

(as long as the balls are basically functional) :evilgrin:

[Hugin]

46. "scientists believe males cannot generate large amounts of both"

Well now, I suppose that makes me a freak of nature.

I aughta be in Ripley's...

[4_Legs_Good]

48. I just got a vasectomy! Does that mean I'll be smart soon???

I sure as hell hope so!

david

[yellowcanine]

49. George Bush proof it doesn't always work out. Small brain, small balls.

[yellowcanine]

50. Societal structures alter this somewhat, imo. Some women go for the

power and often brains and power go together (George Bush is an exception).

[uppityperson]

51. Smart guys tuck them up tight so they don't get hurt.

Simple. Those knee hangers have a tendency to get hurt more.

[Burma Jones]

52. I'm Smart Enough, They're Big Enough and Doggone it.....

My Wife Likes Me.......

[pokerfan]

55. It's true - Cheney proves it!

[RedCloud]

58. I will shoot you! Testicle size is not related to sperm production!

Check out this guy who must make quarts at a time then according to this feeble theory!

http://www.theflyingsaucer.com/fs9-2.htm

What's next?

Larger breasts produce more milk?

Larger brains, more thoughts?

No relationship. This is hogwash.

Wishing pants had breather space :blush: whilst I contemplate the collision of Andromeda and the Milky Way,

Red Cloud

[AnarchoFreeThinker]

62. um, er, what you talken abot

[ForrestGump]

63. I..I mean...I have a friend...

who has both. His dangling participants are allegedly at least somewhat larger than average (so he's been told, though he's still not sure he believes it), and his mind isn't completely shot. He is also a studmuffin and all you womyn of DU should probably send him topless photos of yourself. I will pass them on for you.

The fact is that I've read studies on size of the aforementioned units, in humans and otherwise, and perhaps the main conclusion to be drawn from such studies is that it'd be weird to be one of the techs working on it. A priori, I'd have to say that this report sounds like garbage. Comparative anatomy, physiology, and behavior can reveal much, but we are not bats and I doubt that the relative sizes and energetic requirements of brain and testes are in the same ballpark (so to speak) -- it says in the article that bats are way different from primates in relative mass off the testicular tissue. The reportage doesn't help, either, because no credible scientist would say such conclusions were "firmly proven" or use the word "tiny" in contrast to large brain size. But it might have secured tenure for someone and supported a few graduate research assistants for a while so I guess it wasn't a complete waste of time. It might also -- this 'expensive tissue' hypothesis -- be true in bats and in some other species, but that doesn't mean it's a universally true pattern.

By the way, vulnerable gonadal units in male humans are not necessarily adaptive above a certain size...ideally, all men would be able to retract at will, for one thing. Though there may be deep, dark, evolutionary stories behind relative testicular sizes within species -- humans included (I've read some stuff to that effect, about humans, but can't recall details) -- I never understood the spurious link many seem to make, AC/DC included, between that and virility, machismo, or general masculinity. If anything, they're bigger targets. Ouch.

And, yeah, some pants I've worn were like slapping the old fella and his hangers-on in the iron maiden. Women suffer for fashion, but men don't always get away with it scot free, either.

[Briarius]

64. 8.5%, that's huge!

for a 200lb guy, that'd be 17lbs! no thanks, I'll keep my brains :D

[ForrestGump]

66. It IS a burden, let me tell you

Though 12 pounds of it is not testicular, but adjacent, tissue.

[Briarius]

67. flabby thighs, eh?

:evilgrin:

[StellaBlue]

68. Bwhahahahahahaha

Any woman could've told us that.

Seriously. You can't be both testosterone-fuelled and logical/thoughtful. Man or woman.

[Deja Q]

69. So the next time I go for a job interview, will they have me drop trou?

:rofl:

[Mutley]

70. So THAT'S why stupid people breed like rabbits.

I always had my suspicions... :evilgrin:

[City Lights]

73. This describes my husband, literally and figuratively. n/t

[Beetwasher]

77. Do Your Balls Hang Low?

Can you swing them to an fro?
Can you tie them in a knot?
Can you tie them in a bow?
Do you get a funny feeling,
When you smash them on the ceiling?
You'll never have a big brain if you're balls hang low.

[Tari]

78. Is it possible the researchers made it all up? After all, they're

probably brainiacs. No-nut brainiacs.

Frankly, I'm surprised they didn't prove that a small penis means increased intelligence.



:hide:

[redqueen]

79. How ridiculous.

Besides... small ones are eas...


nevermind.