Attention please: Kitchen Witch is looking for a virgin.

[RevCheesehead]

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=4377594&mesg_id=4377594

[GOPisEvil]

1. Can you get your virginity back after a certain period of time?

:shrug:

[KitchenWitch]

2. ummm.....NO!

:hi:

[GOPisEvil]

5. Good, then I won't be sacrificed.

:D

[NMMNG]

9. The Fundies say you can

:eyes: Secondary Virginity

So go out and screw everybody you want. Then for a month or so before you get married remain celibate so you can call yourself a virgin. What a crock. :eyes:

[KitchenWitch]

11. yeah, that is ethically sound

Just like every damn thing else they justify by being "saved"

[NMMNG]

24. Yep---sin like crazy then repent and have it all "washed away"

That crap drives me crazy. :crazy:

[GrpCaptMandrake]

31. Um, er, wait a minute

My lovely wife suffered from pre-term labor with her pregnancies. Our options were, well, um, curtailed.

Since we couldn't, um, you know, like *do it?* for a couple of months before the births, does that mean that my kids were all virgin births?

WOO-HOOO!

501 (c) (3) tax free status HERE WE COME! (or *then we came* not sure which)

[NMMNG]

40. Sure, why not?

Kaching! :rofl:

[GrpCaptMandrake]

51. Man, have we got work to do!

Catechisms, confirmations, what a bunch of work!

Think I could get away with having 'em be the sons and daughters of the Flying Spaghetti Monster?

:rofl:

Ramen.

[NMMNG]

52. That could work--they could be your mini raviolis

:rofl:

[GrpCaptMandrake]

53. Oh, it just keeps getting better!

Mini-raviolis! My lovely wife (my producer) will *really* like that. Fact is, the mini-raviolis themselves will, too! But maybe that's not a conversation they're ready for.

How old do you reckon Yehsua was when Mary sat him down for the "Son, Joe the Carpenter's not really your Daddy" speech?

[NMMNG]

54. I don't know

If I recall correctly, there never was mention of it in the Buy-bull. There was stuff about him, at age twelve, getting into deep discussions with religious leaders as if he instinctively knew who and what he was. Maybe he never needed "the talk". :P

[GrpCaptMandrake]

55. Tired old chestnut of a joke . . .

Three proofs that Jesus was Jewish:
1. he went into his father's business
2. he lived at home until age 33.
3. he was sure his mother was a virgin,she was sure he was god.

Three proofs that Jesus was Irish:
1. he never got married
2. he never held a steady job
3. his last request was a drink

Three proofs that Jesus was Italian
1. he talked with his hands
2. he had wine with every meal
3. he worked in the building trades

Three proofs that Jesus was American
1. he thought he had all the answers
2. he thought it was trendy to wear flip flops
3. he thought the sun shone out of his ass

:popcorn:

[NMMNG]

56. Cute--I've never heard that one before

[RevCheesehead]

no, no, NO!

They would be Spaghetti-o's.

[RevCheesehead]

6. Well, there is a group out there....

Remember the Runaway Bride?

[auntAgonist]

3. we could go to

the Virgin Islands to be recylcled? :shrug:

maybe?

[RevCheesehead]

25. If you've got the money, I'm game.

[Aristus]

4. Sorry, I've already seen "Rocky Horror". Can't help you.

B-)

[hfojvt]

7. Yikes!!!!

I'm looking for some garlic and keeping a glass of water handy.

:hide:

[RevCheesehead]

8. PSSST - KW -

I think we found one!

[KitchenWitch]

10. Garlic and water do not work on me!

:evilgrin:

[hfojvt]

13. How about

a Fran Tarkenton jersey? That's sacred or something.

[KitchenWitch]

15. Hmm

Fran Tarkenton jersey or Virgin....that will be a difficult decision!

:evilgrin:

[RevCheesehead]

19. I think she might be able to help you:

[KitchenWitch]

20. HAHA

:rofl:

[KitchenWitch]

23. Upon review, make it a Chuck Foreman jersey and we have a deal!

:hi:

[hfojvt]

32. No can do

I need that for my next birthday as the number matches my age. That will make it like a golden year which means I can get rid of this virginity monkey. The power of numerology, it's my only hope.

Anyway, I was not offering the Fran Tarkenton jersey. I was wearing it, which means I will be protected by its sacred power as well as my scrambling ability. :woohoo: I will be as untouchable as Fran when he drops back to pass.

[KitchenWitch]

34. I would settle for Joey Browner then!

See, I am sometimes easy!

[hfojvt]

41. and I usually am not

hence the curse of virginity.
Joey Browner is easy? Did they even make Joey Browner jerseys? Bobby Bryant would probably be easier, or, ironically enough, Scott Studwell.

[KitchenWitch]

42. LOL

but I like Joey Browner!

[RevCheesehead]

43. I see your Tarkenton, and raise you a Favre.

[KitchenWitch]

44. Destroying a Favre jersey would be no sacrifice for me

:P

[hfojvt]

49. wholly shite

he has passed not only Tarkenton, but the insidious Elway.

1. Dan Marino 61361
2. Brett Favre (Active) 52448
3. John Elway 51475
4. Warren Moon 49325
5. Fran Tarkenton 47003
6. Vinny Testaverde (Active) 45189
7. Dan Fouts 43040
8. Drew Bledsoe (Active) 42365
9. Joe Montana 40551
10. Johnny Unitas 40239

The things you miss when you are no longer in Wisconsin.

[RevCheesehead]

14. Perhaps... but he is young and tender.

I'd use the garlic, but instead of water, perhaps a can of Cream of Mushroom soup?

[hfojvt]

18. Ha.

I am two years older than KW, and stringy as cat-gut (which is not really made from cats BTW) and very, very, bitter.

[RevCheesehead]

21. But my dear hfojvt -

she is the Kitchen Witch. Do not sell her short. Or yourself, for that matter. :)

[antigone382]

12. Ummm...what do I get in return for offering myself as a sacrifice?

I'd have to at least get some cookies or something--and they'd have to be really good cookies, too.

[KitchenWitch]

17. My cupcakes are moist and delicious

:evilgrin:

[RevCheesehead]

22. Link, please.

That was a classic!

[KitchenWitch]

26. Luckily I bookmarked it!

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=4288231

[RevCheesehead]

33. Poor Peggy.

I don't think she's yet recovered from that night.

[KitchenWitch]

35. I can't believe she agreed to meet with me after that!

:rofl:

[RevCheesehead]

37. Ooooh, I envied that.

I wish I could have been there.

:think: I know! Let's bring her up here to the Great White North!

[KitchenWitch]

39. errr, we may need to wait until the weather is warmer

We don't want her to have to buy a winter coat and all for one trip!

[CaliforniaPeggy]

62. All right, you two......

I have too recovered from that *um* episode!

I would NOT have missed meeting you for anything!

And I'd rather not head into the cold and snowy places you all live in......

Even though I do have some suitable clothing.......

Too fucking much, IMHO.......this whole thread!

:grouphug: :loveya:

[RevCheesehead]

63. PEGGY LAUNCHED THE F-BOMB IN MY THREAD!!!!!!

:bounce: Now I'm one of the cool kids! :bounce:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

67. Awww. my dear Rev.......

You have ALWAYS been cool in my book.......ALWAYS!

I wondered if anyone would notice my little bomb...seeing as how it's buried and all.....

:yourock:

[RevCheesehead]

72. Let's try a 24-hour kick and see if they notice now!

[yvr girl]

16. I think Matcom is a virgin

He's really shy in person.

[RevCheesehead]

27. I thought he was strapped to your bed.

Did he escape?

[yvr girl]

28. He's still there

I've had a busy day, and I haven't had a chance to 'make a man' out of him.

[RevCheesehead]

30. We can wait.

And we'd like pictures too, please.

[yvr girl]

36. Umm...how do I say this

He's having trouble handling the pressure of you all waiting (if you know what I mean.) Can you all hum or something and pretend that you aren't paying attention.

[KitchenWitch]

38. lalalalalalalalalalala

:hi:

[RevCheesehead]

60. Have you ever seen "The Right Stuff?"

I'm getting a picture of Matcom as an astronaut in the restroom, if you catch my drift...

[CaliforniaPeggy]

61. I remember that scene!

It was HILARIOUS! "There's a lot more where that came from..." !!!

Omigod........:blush:

It is too early in the day for such thoughts......or is it? :evilgrin:


You are so naughty, my dear Rev......:spank: :spank: :spank: :spank:

[RevCheesehead]

64. I have to make up for being corrupted last night.

Snarkus interruptus.
:(

[Broken_Hero]

29. well, i'm most certainly....

not a virgin...continue the good search...:)

[Wapsie B]

45. Oh I thought you said

Sturgeon

[Dangerously Amused]

46. Ooh! Ooh! Me! Choose meeee!

:hi:


Oh boy! I can hardly wait!! Finally! ...wha?

Oh.

I thought you said vegan.




Never mind.


:yoiks:

[Dangerously Amused]

47. OKay, okay, so how 'bout if I'm just LIKE a virgin....

...touched for the very first time...

...like a vir-ir-ir-ir-gin....

[KitchenWitch]

48. ding ding ding ding ding!

we have a winner!

[Dangerously Amused]

50. Yaaaay!

:woohoo:

I win! I win!


:bounce:

Yeah ME!


I get a sack of rice! Perfect for a vegan like me! I'll cook up a big pot of veggie fried rice for all my friends!

:9


...wha?

Sacrifice? SACRIFICE!?


Ooohh no ya don't! Gotta catch me first!

I'm outta here!


:yoiks:

[RetroLounge]

57. Oops, sorry, wrong thread

RL

[RevCheesehead]

65. wait just a minute, buster...

you'll do nicely!

:loveya:

[RetroLounge]

68. Starting to feel like one

RL

[RevCheesehead]

69. No, No, NO!!!

You will always be a FWB to me. :hug:

[RetroLounge]

70. thanks

:hug:

RL

[In_The_Wind]

58. Kitchen Witch never wants me!

virgin

[RevCheesehead]

66. perhaps not....

but she might be willing to switch teams for ya. ;)

[KitchenWitch]

71. Not true Joani!

I LOVE you!

:hug:

[tim2204]

59. NO virgin here

actually it is probably a good thing we can ever find a virgin now days mostly because if the Bush administration could they would sacrifice one to there god's LMAO
IN hopes of getting there way more often.