Maybe I fucked up

[khashka]

I was babysitting my nephew. He had a total melt down because nobody loved him. I told him how my parents tried to get custody, which apparently I shouldn't have. "We were gonna wait til he was 18!"

I was holding a crying child and was trying to show him he is very much loved. Now everyone is mad at me.

Did I do wrong?

Khash.

[tjdee]

1. How old is your nephew?

Because that's a factor....also, did you KNOW they were going to wait until he turned 18 to tell him? That's another factor in how much you fucked up.

Overall though, the truth is rarely bad. Everyone will get over it.
And your motive was pure.

[salin]

2. I don't know the circumstances

who has custody? Why does he feel unwanted? How old is he? Not sure how to answer.

[khashka]

4. He's eleven

His Dad has custody after my sister's death. All I was doing was trying to tell him that many people love him and will go to great lengths to prove it. If I was gonna tell him that, I better have some facts to back it up with.

He feels unwanted because he thinks his single Dad cares more about bimbos than he cares about his son. Not true.


Khash.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

3. I think that the salient question is: how did your nephew take your news?

If he responded positively to it, then I'd say you did not screw up at all.....

But even if he didn't take it well, I still don't think you messed up.

As another poster pointed out, your motives were pure.

And that counts for a great deal, IMHO.....

:loveya: :hug: :pals:

[seaglass]

5. Hard to say. He could believe that it means others - your

parents - agree that his father doesn't care for him. Or he could wonder why your parents changed their mind.

Someone needs to explain this all to him.

And p.s. I really screwed up once by telling my daughter that my niece was adopted when my niece didn't even know.

It will work out if someone helps him through it.

[miss_american_pie]

6. Why did they want it kept secret?

[AwakeAtLast]

7. I'll jump in

I think he is really missing his mother. The "nobody loves me" part might really be "why did my Mom have to die?"

The other things factor in, too, but a child that young is sure to have some major abandonment feelings from her death.

I also think that a lot of the upheaval after her death is very confusing to him. Eleven may sound old enough to understand this stuff, but at a deep level, they really don't.

I don't think you made any major mistakes, you just got caught in the middle of what seems to be a very difficult situation. You provided a shoulder to cry on, which was probably the best thing you could have done.

He is lucky to have such a caring relative. :hug:

[khashka]

8. I think you are probably right

The loss of his mother goes deep and hurts badly ( hell. it totally fucks me up and I'm an adult!)

But I wanted him to know he is loved and that he can depend on me to tell him the truth, to be someone he can tell the truth to, someone he can trust,

I'm not even remotely repentant -everyone seems to think I did a bad thing. But no.... he needed a friend. And I owe it to him and my sister to be the best friend I can be. And that means telling the truth.

Khash.

[tigereye]

9. no

I like how honest you were... plus he's 11 and that's old enough to know what people think. However, it might undermine his feelings about his dad some - but it sounds like he's probably somewhat conflicted anyway.

Boy, I wish kids didn't have it so rough, sometimes. ;)