Mayonnaise is an abomination, unfit to be consumed!
Miracle Whip is doubly an abomination as it is an abomination of an abomination. This is how horridness multiplies into an all-consuming shittiness that is antithetical to all that is not evil.
Thus I declare fatwa upon both of these products and urge the promotion of alternative condiments to these satanic tools of awfulness.
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