I can't sleep

[Not_Giving_Up]

I keep replaying this conversation with my mother over and over. She called me today, asking what day the birthday party for my husband is going to be (at the in-laws). I had already told her, but i told her again, Saturday. She says that my brother is coming home this weekend, but won't be able to come home for Thanksgiving, so they are going to have Thanksgiving on Saturday, "when we can all be together". I told her that I wasn't sure what time we were expected to be at the in-laws, but I would let her know when I found out. Her response was "Oh, I didn't mean you guys. I meant that since you'll be at (the inlaws), (my brother) would not be at your house, so he'd probably be home." She then went on to say that she hadn't bought enough food for all of us, etc. I told her that it was fine (holidays with her are a nightmare).

I have to admit, she got me. She KNEW what day the party was. That whole phone call was to point out to me that I was not invited to her early Thanksgiving. She said "when we can all be together", but she meant her, my stepdad, and my brother...and she was calling to rub it in. Now I can't sleep.

[gardenista]

1. Oh, man.

If you want to see your brother, maybe you can stop in beforehand and bring a bottle of wine and some cheese & crackers or something. (You know, since your mom didn't get enough food for anyone, jeez, I can't believe that!)

I hope you have a good weekend/Thanksgiving anyway.

:hug:

[Not_Giving_Up]

2. I'll see my brother that night or something

I'm not going where I wasn't invited. Besides, everything is a drama for her, and it would be one hell of show.

[gardenista]

4. Glad you'll see your brother, but man, that is just rude.

I don't get parents who pull this kind of thing on their kids.

Try to have a good time anyway, living well is the best revenge!

[Not_Giving_Up]

8. I didn't bother to tell her that the in-laws said that they were welcome

on actual Thanksgiving. She can go sit on an egg and rotate.

[gardenista]

11. May it be a turkey egg.

Good for you. And one year I hope you get to have Thanksgiving your way, spending it with the people you really want to celebrate in your life.

The holidays can be rough, with all the family dynamics swirling around. But you are wise to stay away. I hadn't seen the physical abuse part.

:hug:

You deserve and deserved better.

[Not_Giving_Up]

13. LOL

Indeed!

I really hate holidays.

[Maddy McCall]

3. Could it be that she's angry at you for the abuse you accept from your ...

husband and in-laws?

Have you told her the same stories you've told us about how emotionally abusive your in-laws are to you, and your husband, too?

Maybe she just doesn't want the drama in her house on the only weekend she'll spend with your brother for awhile.

:shrug:

[Not_Giving_Up]

5. No, that's not it

My mother always treated me like I had the plague, even as a little kid. She's one of those people who shouldn't reproduce. She had no idea how to handle children, or what to do with them. I moved out when I was 14 because of physical abuse.

[Maddy McCall]

6. Damn, I'm sorry about that.

My mom is pretty cold, too, though not emotionally abusive.

Sometimes we are better off just to cut the cord and walk away. :hug:

[Not_Giving_Up]

10. Well, she wanted nothing to do with me

She was forced to deal with my brother after I moved out. Prior to that, I was more of a Mommy than she was. Of course, she wants to be the ultimate grandmother, which sickens me.

[Maddy McCall]

12. She probably thinks she's making up for her misdeeds with you....

by being Super Grandma.

My parents do that with my son. But they just can't resist, at times, talking ill of me to him.

I'm sorry that your family has these problems. :(

[Not_Giving_Up]

14. The thing is, she claims to not remember all of the bad stuff from my

childhood. My stepdad has apologized for what he put me through, but she refuses to admit that it ever happened.

[Maddy McCall]

16. I've been there.

:hug: Both mine deny it.

[gardenista]

7. Well, that's a helpful analysis!

:eyes:

[Maddy McCall]

9. I'm not "analyzing" anything.

Just suggesting ideas that might be behind her mother shunning her.

Glad you appreciated it, though.

[gardenista]

15. blaming the victim is not helpful, that is all I'm saying.

However, I can see from your subsequent post that you intended to be compassionate, so I apologize if I misinterpreted your post.