Well, My X wife died. This year has been hell. A DU hug might help

[The Straight Story]

:(

Here is a recap of the year:
1. Dec 31, 2am - my Mom passed away.

2. Wife flies home from vacation with family for funeral and 2 weeks later has asthma attack, I take her to same hospital mom died at. She is OK, but it was hellish (she is AutumnMist here on DU)

3. In Jan dad went in for prostate surgery (as if being at mom's side for 2 months in hospital was not enough).

4. Mom #2 as we called her got pancreatic cancer. She lived two doors down. I went to talk to her and she told me about the friendship ring my mom had got her. Mary had called me shortly after mom died and was upset that she lost it between a food place and the store. The day she found out she had cancer they found the ring sitting in the middle of the kitchen sink (this was in April, she lost the ring in January). Mary died in April.

5. In May dad reveals he has prostate cancer, which is treatable and he should be ok. Was still a shock. My uncle has it and is not doing so well.

6. The bombshell of it all came in October right before my 40th B-day. I was on a conference call and my dad walked over (he lives next door). I had not seen my x-wife in 7 years, or my kids.

I wanted to talk to them. Mom found where they lived before she died. I looked up their number a few days prior, and went into the shed the week before that to find their photos all over the floor oddly enough.

Well, the X had died July 4th. My youngest son (14) called me. He was at angry at leaving me. And he has heard nothing but lies about me for 7 years. We talked more, and he came to see things were not what he was told (and he remembers the fun we used to have). He said he loved me and wanted to meet me. My two oldest (19 and 17) said they hated me and did not want me around and would shoot me.

Step-dad steps in and tells me never to talk to them again - even though I was reached out to (looong story. He and X adopted them 7 years ago after I threatened to take her to court. She fired back that she would have them testify they were sexually and physically abused by me and my parents, etc, so I took the easy road for all involved as she had not let me see them anyway).

In addition to that I have been severly depressed, wife broke her toe the other day, have had several teeth related problems, and several mental breakdowns.

I am on zoloft and doing better, but I will be DAMN glad when this year is done.

This weekend I am hosting a chess and poker tournament with my engineers to raise money for the adopt-a-family program, wife is heading to CA to be with family on thanksgiving, and I am working hard on reclaiming my simple life.

But these next 6 weeks will be hard as this is when mom was in hospital and when things all went to hell in my life.

I will make it, just need a hug!

[Ptah]

1. Her you go - hugs for you -

:hug: :cry: :pals: :hug: :hug:

[The Straight Story]

5. (to all and you)

Thanks for the hugs! I have oral surgery tomorrow so I am sitting here just thinking about things. We put up the tree tonight before wife heads out and I just cried. Reminded me of Ma.

Hugs, even online, can help a down soul.

[Ptah]

16. From what I can see from here,

DU loves you, man.

:loveya:

[MrScorpio]

2. Sure, dude

:hug:

[Crazy Guggenheim]

3. So sorry to hear that.

[graywarrior]

4. Man, you need a brazillion hugs!

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:
:grouphug: :grouphug: etc

[nini]

6. geez

sorry for all your heartache :hug:

your youngest knows where you are and is probably pissed at the step dad for interfering. It may take a while but he'll find you. Make sure he is able to find you when he is ready and able.

[The Straight Story]

13. I found out my where my oldest worked

from my youngest. At a gas station. So I called all three in his area and finally found the right one. I asked for him and was put on hold and they said he was in cooler. All I wanted was to know which one he was at so I get him a letter about the whole thing.

He got upset and called the step-dad afraid I was stalking him. Step-dad wants a restraining order but never followed through (and oldest is 19).

They have NO idea of the truth. I am not going to slam the X (she died, she was 41) but I want them to know the truth about a lot of things they do not know (like WHY I have not been there for them in 7 years, even though I tried).

[nini]

20. The step dad is worried the kids may forgive you

I hate this crap. It's a lonnnnnggg story but my sister went through this. Her ex - the biggest bastard on the planet - turned her boys against her in an effort to control her. She went over 4 years with the only contact being filled with insults etc.. from the boys. Even though her heart was breaking she wrote them letters every week. Gifts were returned etc.. Just since the oldest turned 18 have things started turning around now that he is seeing his father for what her really is.

Do not give up. That's what they want. The step dad because he's afraid of losing them after losing his wife. The boys are hurting over their mother and see you as someone who hurt her even though it's not totally justified.

The key will be the young one. The others are angry and scared their lives are going to be turned upside down even more. Always let them know you love them and always have even if they aren't ready. Respect their space but get your message to them in letters etc...

Good Luck.

[WCGreen]

7. Dude....

Big old Man Hug...

Pat on the Back...

Shuffle feet so that no one gets the wrong idea....

[swag]

8. Sorry for these many troubles.

I have always thought of you as a very perceptive and compassionate presence here.

I hope you find peace and happiness in your day to day life, in your memories of your past, and in your hopes for the future.

See you around these parts. And sympathies again for the sadnesses.

Happiness to you.

[hickman1937]

9. Good Lord!

I thought I had a bad year. Here you go.:hug:

[rockymountaindem]

10. Wow

I hope it goes as easily as possible for you.

:hug:

[latebloomer]

11. Oh, what a horrible year!

May the next be much, much better for you!

Hope your dad recovers and you can make friends with all your children.

Interesting, and weird about the ring, photos, etc.

:hug:

[The Straight Story]

17. Some have it worse I know

And that is why I am adopting families for the holiday season and working with my Engineers to raise money to buy them all what they need (coats, toys, food, etc).

Worst year of my entire life - but some have it worse day-to-day.

I will get through it somehow, but some days I just need to get it all out. DU helps me in that (and as a matter of fact, I will go contribute right now!)

[latebloomer]

22. Sure, many have it worse

but that doesn't minimize the pain you've experienced.

It's very cool that you're using your assets to help other people.

[donheld]

12. So sorry. I will keep good thoughts for you

:hug:

[In_The_Wind]

14. Here is a hug just for you!

[gardenista]

15. Oh, here.

:hug:

:cry:

It's been a hard year for me, too, and I'm so sorry to hear about your time this year.

I hope that a little bit of time over the next few weeks will help make it easier. I have so much respect for you helping others while you have been through this, with the fundraiser.

Take good care of yourself and take it one day at a time.

Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of my mother-in-law's death. I don't know what else to do but try to be kind to my husband. I guess that is what his beloved mom would want, and I'm going to give it my all.

Peace.

[The Straight Story]

19. I guess one problem I had (and you may relate to)

is that my wife could not replace my mom, and in some ways I was searching for that. Not fair to her of course, but I suppose it was a natural reaction.

My mom was a good old girl. Fun and good to everyone she ever met. We even showed her in the casket as she always was - in jeans and an OSU sweatshirt.

I remember one trip to the hospital while she was in ICU and mostly out of it I leaned over and told her OSU beat Michigan. She smiled and nodded. Hope she helps the buckeyes do it again this year :)

[gardenista]

34. Your mom sounds like one-of-a-kind

And I understand what you are talking about. It's not that you want your wife to replace your mom, but that you really miss that role she played in your life, and because you're close to your wife, there's sort of an expectation that she'll step up. Do I have it right?

I felt that a little from my husband over the last year, and I try to just be me. I could never step into those shoes in a million years, she was also one-of-a-kind, and I was lucky to know her for the short eight years I did. She did a great job raising great kids, and I will always be deeply grateful to her for bringing up my husband to be a secure, kind, loving man. And she was also kind to everyone, especially me.

He was with her only two days before she died, and then had to come home. He thought she would make it, but she passed on two days later. She was ready. We weren't.

Anyway, your mom sounds like a great gal.

[merh]

18. ((((( hugs ))))))

:hug: :hug:

Sending positive energies your way. :pals:

[peekaloo]

21. So sorry.

:hug:
:hug:
:hug:
:hug:
Peace and strength to you.

[Straight Shooter]

23. It sounds like all your hard times are coming down on you at once.

First, I truly hope that your children will open their hearts to you. And then I really really hope that for all the trials you have been going through, that things will change and you will find yourself blessed with more love and happiness than you could ever have dreamed possible.

:hug:

[The Straight Story]

24. Thank you my friend (and all here)

Been rough times all around, and have taken a mental toll on myself and family.

Only thing to do is to battle back, and that is my goal now.

[Straight Shooter]

25. One more hug before I sign off.

:hug:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

26. Oh my dear........

What an awful year.....Here are some hugs just for you.......


:grouphug: :hug: :grouphug: :hug: :grouphug: :hug: :grouphug: :hug: :grouphug:

[fortyfeetunder]

27. here's a hug

Sorry you have had a rough year. :hug:

[Wapsie B]

28. Here's a hug

and some positive energy for you. :hug:

[Maddy McCall]

29. My heart goes out to you.

I hope you find peace. I've had a tough year, too, and peace is the most difficult thing to find. :hug:

[Heidi]

30. Love, guidance and protection, TSS.

:hug:

[NMMNG]

31. You need a grouphug

:grouphug:

[auntAgonist]

32. wishing you all the best

here's a :hug:

It sounds like the year has been a really rough one. You are very strong and you will make it, as you said.


here's another :hug:

take good care.

aA

[Zhade]

33. Can't skip these kinds of requests...

:hug:

[Ellen Forradalom]

35. Oh my God

You need a lot more than a hug pal. But here's one for starts.

[newyawker99]

36. ....

:hug: :loveya:

[Callalily]

37. Sending healing

prayers and my guardian angel. Think you need a little extra help here for a while.

Oh, and definitely hugs.:hug:

[peacefreak]

38. Hooo Boy.

Straight Story, I'm sorry for all your trouble. Your family is lucky to have you. Take care of yourself while taking care of the others around you. Give the boys time. If they have any of their father's (yours) soul, they will start thinking & questioning. I hope they will see things differently in awhile. They too, have just suffered a staggering blow.
I always used to say "that which does not kill me, makes me stronger"
I always used to wonder just how strong I had to be.
Wishing you better times.... :hug: :loveya: :hug:

[chknltl]

39. my turmoil pales in comparrison sir

:hug:

[DrDan]

40. man - my worries seem trivial compared to what you have

gone through this year.

Best of luck to you - and I hope all turns around. You deserve some good times.

Dan

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

41. My very best wishes to you

:hug::hug::hug:

[Mutley]

42. Here are hugs...

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

I hope you feel better soon.