do you think its ok for men to cry?

[Rising Phoenix]

[bicentennial_baby]

1. yep

generally speaking :)

[Rising Phoenix]

2. me too...

if they didn't...it would be like they weren't human...its very endering

[WillParkinson]

3. No...

And if you insist on arguing about it I'll prove it.

(Yes, it's OK. A friend and I had this conversation the other day about trying to explain to her son that crying is OK but he shouldn't do it in public. I asked if that didn't carry a mixed message. She said yes, but she doesn't want him to get picked on for it.)

[redqueen]

94. I hear that a lot. The "picked on" excuse.

I wonder if mothers used that as an excuse not to educate their daughters about women's rights. Wouldn't want them to get picked on for not being womanly, you know.

[Callalily]

4. Oh yes,

men feel as deeply as women do, so why wouldn't they cry.

[swag]

5. It's pretty fuckin' far from okay.

[redqueen]

95. Huh?

:shrug:

[swag]

97. Kind of a Marcellus Wallace paraphrasal there.

First thing that popped into my head.

Unserious. Insincere.

[redqueen]

98. I thought that might be the case.

Sorry. I know you've explained your propensity for being sarcastic before. I'll try to remember this next time.

[swag]

99. Maybe I should just quit posting shite, eh?

But then I would probably quit posting altogether.

[redqueen]

100. hahah, no!

It is I who needs to adapt to the ways of swag. You keep being your charming self. :)

[sniffa]

6. onLy when cutting onions

and maybe whiLe watching, brian's song. :P

[bicentennial_baby]

11. ...

:rofl:

[kick-ass-bob]

17. what about 'Saving Private Ryan'?

You ain't fooling anyone. We all know you cry at "Trading Spouses"

:P

[JVS]

79. That movie was just stupid, not sad! You want to see a sad war movie...

go rent "Ballad of a Soldier" Ryan was just a spoiled shit who got a lot of men killed because he thought he was too good to be sent home alive.

[JVS]

78. I'm third, man!

[billyskank]

7. Yes

[Mizmoon]

8. Not in our culture

it stunts them emotionally, though. Perhaps that's why the unspoken restriction is there ...

[LeftyMom]

9. Yes

It makes me really uncomfortable and I'll carry the few times I've been the cause with me to my grave, but my discomfort isn't thier issue.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

10. Absolutely.

[Taxloss]

12. Yes, but it depends on the circumstances.

Becaue of cultural expectations, there are situations when a man should hold it together for the good of others.

[billyskank]

13. I don't think anyone is suggesting

that men should be blubbing any time, at the drop of a hat. Males do not seem to be wired that way anyway.

I am intrigued by your answer though. That "there are situations when a man should hold it together for the good of others" indicates that you think men have a proscribed role in society. That may be, but the corrollary of that is that women also have their proscribed role in society. What do you think of that?

[Taxloss]

19. Well, I would say there are cultural expectations.

These can often be prejudiced and undesirable. Just because I recognise their existence doesn't mean I endorse them.

I would also say right away that there are situations when a woman should hold it together for the good of others. I'm not for one moment suggesting that women are flighty, emotional creatures who embark on histrionics at the slightest provocation. The obvious example I can think of is if someone - a man or a woman - is the "alpha" in a group that is in a difficult or dangerous situation and others are taking their lead from them. If they need to remain as calm and focused and possible, it is important to hold it together. I suppose extricating a group of children from some sort of peril might be the obvious instance.

I don't know. We Brits maybe have a different attitude - the old stereotype of the "British reserve", the "stiff upper lip". A national culture based on "not wanting to make a scene". It applies to women as well. It's not necessarily a good or bad thing.

So in short: No, I wouldn't say that men and women have proscribed roles in our relatively open, liberal and tolerant Western societies, but our cultures are for better or for worse a mesh of expectations and shared behaviour.

[billyskank]

23. I didn't know you were also a Brit until just now

:hi:

[Taxloss]

24. That's OK. Did my post answer your question?

:hi:

[billyskank]

25. As I understand it

what you are saying is that "there are situations in which a person should hold it together for the good of others," and that gender does not enter into it. I don't see what that has to do with whether it's okay for a man to cry, but you did answer the original question in the affirmative.

[Taxloss]

33. Yes, that's what I'm saying.

However, I would say that because of those cultural expectations and a still-patriarchal society, men might conceivably be in more of those situations.

[tigereye]

70. is that a class related thing in Brit society

or is the "stiff upper lip" stance pretty much across the board?

[Taxloss]

88. Well, it's tempting to get all Marxist and attribute everything to class.

But really it's more to do with the social mores class created. But that sort of thing's on the wane anyway, for better or for worse.

[tigereye]

92. very nice distinction

or it could be a response to all the wars fought,etc. and the need to maintain social cohesion?

[kick-ass-bob]

16. there are also times when women must hold it together for the good of

others as well. So what does that have to do with the question?

If one person in a relationship is so sad then the other might need to be strong for the other, but that has nothing to do with gender.

[Taxloss]

22. That's exactly what I just said to Billyskank. n/t

[kick-ass-bob]

14. Of course. And I'll kick the ass of anyone who says otherwise.

Are we supposed to be emotionless? No thanks. I like having emotions, it makes me human.

[MissMillie]

15. Yep

I also think it would be okay for men friends to kiss (hello and goodbye) like women friends do.

[progmom]

18. definitely

[billyskank]

20. Hi progmom

:hi: :loveya:

[progmom]

27. hello lovely man

:hug:

[bicentennial_baby]

21. hey you!

:hi:

:loveya:

[progmom]

26. hey friend

:hug:

[Rising Phoenix]

28. hi progmom

:hi:

[progmom]

34. hi!!!

:loveya:

[GOPisEvil]

55. You made me cry.

You big meanie, you. ;)

:loveya:

[Shell Beau]

29. Sure,

although I think emotionally they are different than women. I think women's hormones can cause us to be more emotional at times. But I think everyone needs to let out their emotions. Most do it in the form of crying but there are other outlets. And I don't know who started the trend where men shouldn't cry. I think it must have been men ;).

[kick-ass-bob]

40. "women's hormones can cause us to be more emotional at times" -- ???

NO WAY!!! :P

:hide: :yoiks:

[Shell Beau]

41. Well not me, but some women!!

:P

[billyskank]

45. I've never seen any evidence of that

:P

[Shell Beau]

50. LOL!!

:hi:

[JVS]

77. Emotions should be released by telling fart jokes.

[Hardrada]

101. Or actually

BRAAAAAAAAP! Like Artsie Fartsie in the R. Crumb comix.

[tjwmason]

30. For other men yes.

Not for me - I'm a grumpy, cold, emotionless bastard.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

72. No, you are NOT!

You are a sweet and lovely guy......and that's the truth!

:loveya: :hug:

[just a girl]

31. Absolutely.

[dr.strangelove]

32. I cry

I am an emotional guy. I cry whenever someone close to me dies. I cry when something truly wonderful happens (like when we found out we were having a baby, and again when we found out she was a girl). I cry at movies, though only for real tear jerkers. I cry when I get something in my eye. I still cry when I think about my dad (who passed away a few years ago). I don't think I cry too often, but I have no problem with tears of sadness, pride, joy or pain.

[Rising Phoenix]

36. your a good man

[dr.strangelove]

37. Thanks

Nothing wrong with tears. They are an important part of our physical and emotional functioning. They let out stress and emotions that would eat away at us if we held them in. Let it out when you need to.

With all that said, there is a time and a place. When my wife lost her granddad, I did not cry in front of her. I tried to be strong for her. I knew him for over 20 years and I was sad too. But I held it in with her and I grabbed a beer with my sister the night after the funeral and let it all out. I wanted to be strong for my wife and not cry when she needed a "rock" to lean on. So there is a time for tears and a time to "be a man" and not cry, at least I think so.

[AnarchoFreeThinker]

35. sniff...that one always gets me.

[Rabrrrrrr]

38. Only for sissy men, mama's boys, and girly boys, but not for a man

:-)

No, real men cry - only asholes who have issues with real masculinity have a hard time with men crying.

I think men need to cry just as much as anyone else.

Though it should be done appropriately, of course. Such as, not during a job review, or after a dressing down from the boss, or when a bully challenges them.

[Chan790]

39. Yes, but...

it's a finite list:

*When you realize you're out of whiskey/TP/"protection" 5 minutes after the last store closes.
*Any time the $^%#ing Yankees send your team home in extra innings in a playoff game that the Yanks had no business being close in.
*The birth of children (or winning your hockey league.)
*Death (of immediate family members and/or kegs)
*Dismemberment (or your wedding)
*Cutting onions (and/or your thumb. See dismemberment above.).
*Dental surgery
*When your roommate burns down your flat while you're at the bar the very same night the woman of your dreams decides to go home with you. (Not that that has ever happened to me.)

It's not okay to cry over books or films. Sorry. If this is you, please turn in your Y-chromosome at the door.

(SATIRE. I'm a bawling idiot IRL)

[ZombieNixon]

67. I fell asleep during my last round of dental surguery.

They didn't put me under. I got bored watching them poke around in my mouth, so I fell asleep.

[Chan790]

90. Lucky

My dentist is a sadist.

[CBHagman]

42. Uh, yes.

Welcome to the human race, where we cry and laugh and use bad language and pray and all those other things.

[Arkana]

43. Yes.

Despite what everyone told me growing up, I cried a great deal more than the other guys my age--and probably turned out better too.

[MarianJack]

44. I Think That I Cry...

...more often than my wife!

[LaraMN]

46. Absolutely! I think it shows they don't have a masculinity complex.

My husband cries every now and then. It's usually my fault, too.:-(

[Beware the Beast Man]

47. Of course.

[Magrittes Pipe]

48. Sure.

If they're mewling, wussy pantywaists.

[swimboy]

49. It had better be or I can't watch the Grinch's heart grow three sizes

ever again.

[TheProphetess]

109. LOL

:rofl:

[UrbScotty]

51. I cried at my grandfather's funeral. (nt)

[flordehinojos]

52. yes, except when it is the bushes' crocodile tears...of which they spill

many!

[Ladyhawk]

53. Of course. I like men who can defy what is considered "normal." n/t

[Trigger Hippie]

54. Only when I spank them.

:evilgrin:

[billyskank]

91. I must introduce you to SeattleGirl

Methinks you will get on fine. :)

[In_The_Wind]

56. Yes.

[skygazer]

57. Gee, I hope so

Because my SO is such a softie, he cries at Star Trek episodes, war movies and the occasional Hallmark card or sappy commercial. :P

[tigereye]

71. I'm married to one of those softies too

:)

[ProfessorGAC]

58. I Sure Hope So

I cry at the drop of a hat when watching movies. They don't even have to be sad movies. They just have to have a touching moment. I cannot watch A League of Their Own, without crying at least three different times.

If it's not ok, i've got some 'splainin' to do.
The Professor

[gpandas]

59. yes

[Wapsie B]

60. Yes and not just when cutting onions.

This macho facade bullshit that some guys present to the world gets on my nerves. Just be yourself, not a cartoon character.

[sinkingfeeling]

61. Certainly...unless it's Bill O'lielly whining about how he's not treated

fairly and how everybody's picking on him.

[Redstone]

62. I suppose so, because so many do it. I don't.

Here's one of those "post something odd about yourself" tidbits I've never shared with DU: I stopped crying when I was about three, and have never since.

My parents thought I was pretty strange because of that. (Of course, I was 100% completely normal in every other way, as I am now. Right?)

Asked my shrink about it, and he said it's unusual but not indicative of anything that he know of.

OK, mo more cheating by posting during work housr instead of in the evening.

Redstone

[realisticphish]

63. yeah

i do, though not often. during movies, especially (oddly, during sports and war movies... I watch other sad movies and don't cry, so i dunno)

and some things just hit me at a bad time on a bad day

[RedCloud]

64. Don't be afraid to cry at what you see...

The actor's gone, there's only you and me...

[Jed Dilligan]

65. If you have a choice, you shouldn't cry, male OR female

I hate it when people cry to get their way!

[JVS]

76. Bingo! Crying is to be avoided if possible and never used to "win"

If you're at a funeral and totally bummed, go for it, cry! If you are upset that you got a B on a test, suck it up!

[WindRavenX]

66. Of course

How can it not be? :shrug:

[I Have A Dream]

68. Yes. n/t

[Taverner]

69. Depends....is the alleged "male" crying during Steel Magnolias?

Or his he crying because his wife dumped him for his best friend?

[CaliforniaPeggy]

73. Of course it's OK......

Men are human, and so are their tears......

[JVS]

74. Men cry when people should cry, women cry at inappropriate times!

When I was about 18 some old lady rear ended my car. I pointed into a parking lot next to the road, we both pulled over and started getting out of our cars to look at the damage. So I got out of my car and this lady started bawling and hugging me. That was totally inappropriate! Nobody had been hurt, nobody had died and other than my bumper being a little loose and the grill of her park avenue being pretty smashed up, there was no major damage. She did smell faintly of gin though, so maybe she wasn't in the best state of mind.

[pdx_prog]

75. I went for years and years..

without crying about anything. I learned to let my emotions override my ego and let myself cry when needed. It's a much needed release sometimes..:)

[Moochy]

80. Your post

made baby jesus cry. he's a grown man!

[JVS]

81. Baby jesus was a baby I thought.

[Moochy]

82. He is both

He's also a spaceman and a cowboy. That is the mystery of Baby Jesus (tm)

[billyskank]

84. I thought that was the President?

:shrug:

[Moochy]

85. Oh darn

I get my messianic infantile icons mixed up all the time!

[JVS]

86. No, he's both 100% God and 100% human, but he does have...

different ages. There's baby Jesus, Teen Jesus, 30-something about to be nailed to the cross Jesus, and nailed to the cross Jesus.

[Moochy]

87. Collect them all!!

:) sorry your post seemed like perfect ad copy!

[Moochy]

113. You forgot

Transluscent post-resurrection Jesus, a favorite of many.

[sakabatou]

83. Depends on what happened.

[atomic-fly]

89. yes...only not while playing baseball

[redqueen]

93. Hell yes.

Why wouldn't it be?

When you cry, you release stress hormones in your tears. Not crying when you need to is bad for your health.

[Vektor]

96. They're supposed to. That's why mother nature gave them lacrimal glands.

To say men shouldn't cry is like saying they shouldn't sweat or bleed. It's natural. Also in times of stress, toxins are shed in tears, ridding the body of the chemicals that are causing the upset in the first place. Crying is part of the body's homeostasis.

[Hardrada]

102. My background (Nordic) discouraged any visible emotion.

So I last cried in 1991 and my wife thought it remarkable. You see if one cries one reveals what one cares about and not everyone should know one's weak spots. Such is the theory anyway. But it is basically an unemotive culture that affected me.

[SoCalDem]

103. They have tear ducts, don;t they?? Must be there for a reason

[JVS]

106. Statements like that are what bring "Intelligent Design" into schools!

Saying that there is a reason implies some kind of rationality to creation

[SoCalDem]

107. Huh??

The question was should men cry?? Any person with tear ducts (ALL OF US) should be able to and should cry ..

ME<---------No Creationist..not by a LONG SHOT !!!

[lovelaureng]

104. Yes, I do. n/t

[tjdee]

105. Watch a Bollywood movie, and you will see it is WONDERFUL.

I love SRK so much more because I know he "goes there" in his performances.

:loveya: :loveya: :loveya:

[Lydia Leftcoast]

108. Yes, as long as it's not part of a temper tantrum

:-)

[Nikia]

110. It is better that they cry than let all emotions turn to anger

The sort of man who never cries seems more likely to angry a lot. They yell. They fight. Men are human and have emotions too. If a man thinks that anger is the only appropriate negative emotion, then that man will be angry a lot if he is full of emotion.
We should all be who we are, not what society says we should be based on our classifications.

[ikojo]

111. Yes, I do.

[mvd]

112. Definitely

I do it easily. Sometimes when I'm not even that sad. Emotion brings it out.