foo, my hubby came home shit faced

[mopinko]

he was gonna stop for a beer after a rough day of shopping. 3 hours later, he stumbles through the door.
should i be annoyed?

[DainBramaged]

1. SHOPPING, what did he get???

[mopinko]

4. well, some white sox gear, and some food.

he drove down to the superfan headquarters by the park. he bought me a jacket that he knew i would not like. not sure how much he spent there, but he is getting started on x-mas.
then he went to costco, and bought a lot of stuff. then he dragged through some traffic to get food for my birds.
the only reason i am annoyed is that the dope did not eat. sat there hungry and tired and let people buy him beers.

[WCGreen]

2. If it happens a lot, maybe.....

[GreenPartyVoter]

3. Hmmm.. was this just for kicks or is he stressed out and binge drinking?

[mopinko]

5. he's ok. it's not that.

people were just buying him beers, and he didn't eat. he gets drunk about twice a year. he's ok.

[GreenPartyVoter]

6. Did he drive himself home,. though? Cause that would be reason to kick his

butt, even if this is just a very rare thing.

[mopinko]

7. yeah, he did.

and yeah, when he quits puking tomorrow, that is what he will be kicked for.

[GreenPartyVoter]

9. Well there you have it. Loud rock n roll at 5 am and hide all the aspirin

x(

[just a girl]

10. Kick him hard enough he won't forget.

Driving drunk is one of the worst things he could have done!

[just a girl]

20. Sorry, my browser went crazy

Didn't realize it had posted this thrice. Sorry about that.

[Telly Savalas]

22. It's a message that could stand being repeated twice.

[AngryAmish]

26. Condoning spousal abuse?

[just a girl]

41. Figurative abuse, not literal

I don't condone physical violence for any reason.

[just a girl]

11. Kick him hard enough he won't forget.

Driving drunk is one of the worst things he could have done!

[just a girl]

12. Kick him hard enough he won't forget.

Driving drunk is one of the worst things he could have done!

[Luna_Chick]

31. I know some bagpipers in town

Should we show up later? }(

[SeattleGirl]

8. Driving drunk is definitely work an ass kicking

just to remind him that getting drunk is one thing, driving while drunk is another!

:hi:

[Metta]

13. What does your heart tell you?

And yes, was he driving?

[mopinko]

17. my heart tells me

that sometimes, i just look for reasons to be pissed at people.

[Metta]

18. I *really* know what that's like.

I was recently at a meditation retreat and one thing we did was sacrifice false beliefs which I've continued doing. One of them was "I sacrifice the false belief that I'm entitled to be angry if my wife doesn't change." It's kept me out of a couple of tiffs already.

I understand about being a safe, responsible adult and abiding within safe boundaries. When I'm in situations like this, I usually go right into critical parenting since that's my early imprinting. I can catch myself before I start because I know what the feelings are like and they've become a flag for me to stop and bring my emotions literally down to my heart level and then I can rephrase them so that I'm not the angry, expectant father. For me, your situation would be something like "I'm really concerned that you were able to get home okay without injuring anyone or damaging the car." Then, you have connection at the heart. As you probably know, if you give him grief or blame him for drinking because you're uncomfortable with it or whatever is going on for *you*, then you very well may drive him to do it more as a way of him saying it's okay for him and as a way for him to carve out his personal space around this. I hope I'm making myself clear.

[Raster]

35. and you know, your post(s) say you do too...

lighten up before the poor guy goes to Costco and doesn't come home.

[mopinko]

36. i am getting the hang of letting go

i took up bike riding last summer mostly to prevent killing people. it was a hard time. i had good reason to be pissed at a lot of people. riding proved to be a great coping mechanism. it gave me a lot of space to sort out just what had to be said, and what didn't. it blew off the heat.
i didn't give him a hard time. except about driving. and that was mostly crap for not trusting me enough to pick up the phone.

[Raster]

39. he deserved it about the driving, bad thing to do...

trust me, it took two booze-related accidents for me to figure out I was not 10-foot tall and bullet proof. Best to you both. Hugs.

[Liberal In Texas]

14. More blow jobs. . . He won't even think about staying out late. n/t

[mopinko]

16. actually, we have been getting along very well lately

had some shaky times of late, and have finally worked some things out. been very happy, downright lovey dovey. so, yeah, he should have been thinking about what he was coming home to.

[Liberal In Texas]

19. I was a bit too flip. Sorry.

[mopinko]

27. nah

s'okay. he would agree.

[hickman1937]

15. If he lived in Macomb county Michigan,

you'd be trying to bail him out of jail. Only people that get to leave a bar and drive in MC are registered republicans.

[GrpCaptMandrake]

21. He does this twice a year?

Say *nothing.* Not a word. It was a Saturday. He's a grown-up. He harmed no one, probably not even his liver.

Leave it alone. Maybe even help him through the hangover. That's part of loving.

On edit: stuttering s.

[dalaigh lllama]

23. As someone who's been down that road before

I can tell you with certainty that anger, tears, lectures, calm discussion, silent treatment, understanding, and sympathy do not work. Best way to help someone else's drinking problem is to let them help themselves. You might suggest he take a cab home if he's drinking, but that's about it. One thing to remember: if you both get to a point where you're wondering if perhaps someone has a problem with drinking, they have a problem with drinking. I know that sounds like "well, duh," but humans have a wonderful ability to rationalize anything. I can tell you that Alanon saved my sanity years ago, and once I stopped trying to fix the alcoholic in my life, he fixed himself -- five years sober.

[DiverDave]

24. Twice a year?

Jeez, some people...getting shitfaced 2x a year doesn't make a drinking problem.
However, the driving home is disturbing.
I would let him know that
1. That is NEVER an option.
2. Since he drinks to excess so infrequently, you tell him that he MUST call you for a ride, and that you will NOT be angry if he does.

He, and you, dodged a bullet and you need to realize that.

Now give the guy an aspirin and some sympathy, and repeat the steps above.

[mopinko]

25. morning report

just a note that he woke up feeling ok. here is what happened-
he stopped at our favorite watering hole- gooseisland
he had one beer, as he intended to do. things were quiet, he got to talking with the bartender, and a few other regulars. he decided to have one more. he drank both a little faster than he ordinarily would. unfortunately, one of his new pals insisted on buying him one more. equally unfortunately, he chose to have a tripple, which is just what it sounds like. all the beer there is stronger than your average bud. it is not hard to get in trouble, thinking that it is just beer, and the stronger it is, usually the tastier it is.
so, he drank that one a little faster still, since he was now very late, and had left a car load of food, some of it frozen, sitting in the parking lot. he said he felt fine when he got up, it wasn't until he was half way home that it started to sink in. by the time he got home it took one look at him to see he was sloshed. he puked on the way in from the car. he got a lecture that i would have been happy (ok, not thrilled, but certainly understanding) to go get him. there is an el line that goes right there. usually, if we know we are going to have a lot to drink there, we take the train.
all is forgiven. he is fine.
i love this guy. we have had a rocky life together, and are finally really getting happy. mostly because i finally convinced him that he had to fix his sleep. he has apnea that was making him kinda paranoid. we were able to fix this enough that he and i are both sleeping soundly, and it is so much easier to get along, and be happy. half of my reason to be po'ed is that i had been looking forward to a cuddly evening, after having a cuddly morning.

[GreenPartyVoter]

28. Glad things are all sorted out. *hugs* Hope the lecture sinks in. :^)

[bettyellen]

29. glad he didn't run anyone down last night

or kill himself for fucks sake. that's fucked up.

[bettyellen]

30. glad he didn't run anyone down last night

or kill himself for fucks sake. that's fucked up.

[JVS]

32. Give him a big hug and tell him to phone home when he's shitfaced

[mopinko]

37. i did

go white sox.

[pitohui]

33. did he drive?

yes i would be upset in that case, i once knew someone who drove the truck into the house after a few too many

if he had a designated driver and it was just a boy's day out at the shopping mall, no biggie

ok, i see he did drive, this is serious even if it's only twice a year, if you are married, if he runs into someone else's house or car or kid, then you lose everything in bankruptcy too, your insurance won't come close to covering the cost, plus for bonus points if he kills or maims somebody, he could be in jail

maybe i'm a witch but as far as i'm concerned for hubby to be driving drunk is close to being on a par w. spouse abuse, because only one piece of bad luck could ruin your entire financial future, your marriage, really your whole life -- and you at home didn't even get to have any of these super triple beers, it's a trust issue, & i don't trust easily after something like this

[mopinko]

34. trust is all, it is true

we have really had some hard times. he did not trust me for a very big part of our very long marriage. we sort of hit bottom with that this summer. the keystone of the whole situation was sleep. his apnea got a lot worse because he has something growing in one tonsil. and he was ruining my sleep, aggravating my fibromyalgia. it was a death spiral, i swear.
but we got him sleeping well, and we are both a lot more in our right minds. he can finally trust me, and it has changed the whole world. we are still working on things. almost like getting to know each other all over again.
the lecture he got this morning was about- hey, call me, you can trust me. if you are interrupting something, i might be annoyed, but i will not be pissed off, i will be there. he's getting it. but it takes time.

[Lady Freedom]

38. I WOULD!!!

GO Partying without you. That is just wrong!! HE should have taken yo with him. What about you? Didn't he think that you would have wanted to Booze out, or be there with a camcorder???Not one thought about asking me...uh.. I mean you!

[mopinko]

40. yeah, to our favorite watering hole

that was a part of what annoyed me. i was only annoyed, tho. not really pissed.