Groaner

[GoddessOfGuinness]

Bob Hill and his new wife, Betty, are vacationing in Europe; as it happens, in Transylvania.

They're driving a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It's late, and raining very hard. Bob can barely see 10 feet in front of the car.

Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail. The car swerves and smashes into a tree. Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his new wife unconscious, with her head bleeding.

Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to carry her to the nearest phone.

Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from an old, large house. He approaches the door and knocks.

A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife, Betty. We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone??"

"I'm sorry," replies the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone. My master is a doctor. Come in and I will get him."

Bob brings his wife in. An elegant man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor. I am a scientist. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory."

With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries; so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table.

After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried. "Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion."

Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more.

The Hills' deaths upsets Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his pipe organ. For it is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting melody fills the house.

Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. As the music fills the lab, his eyes catch movement. He notices the fingers on Betty Hill's hand twitch. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise! He is further amazed as Betty sits straight up!

Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory. He bursts in and shouts to his master: "Master, Master!...The Hills are alive with the sound of music!"

[MrScorpio]

1. *Groan*

I need a drink

[GoddessOfGuinness]

2. ...

[GoddessOfGuinness]

3. tweak

[MissMillie]

4. shame on you

:spank:

[anarch]

5. one good groaner deserves another...

and it's got Transylvania in it, too!

...

Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, are
travelling through Europe in their car, sightseeing in
Transylvania. As they are stopped at a traffic light,
out of nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto the hood of
the car and hisses at them through the windshield.

"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Mary Agnes, "What should
we do?"

"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of
the abomination," says Sister Mary Vincent.

Sister Mary Agnes switches on the wipers, which knock
the mini-Dracula around. But, he hangs on and continues
hissing at the nuns. "What shall I do now?" she shouts.

"Try the windshield washer. I filled it with holy water
before we left the Vatican," replies Sister Mary Vincent.

Sister Mary Agnes turns on the windshield washer.
The vampire screams as the water burns his skin, but he
hangs on and continues hissing at the nuns.

"Now what?" shouts Sister Mary Agnes.

"Show him your cross," says Sister Mary Vincent.

"Now you're talking," says Sister Mary Agnes. She then leans out the window and shouts, "Get the fuck off our car!"

[Fenris]

6. That's a good one!

:rofl:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

8. LOL

One of my faves! :D

[Cathyclysmic]

7. My Turn

THE RABBIT



A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out
across the middle of the road.
He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately
the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.


The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover,
pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit.


Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead.
The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry..!


A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway
sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over.


She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong

"I feel terrible," he explains, I accidentally hit this rabbit
and killed it."

The blonde says, "Don't worry."

She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can.

She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down,
and sprays the contents onto the rabbit.

The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them
and hops off down the road.

Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again,
he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves,
hops another ten feet, turns and waves,
and repeats this again and again and again,
until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished.

He runs over to the woman and demands,
"What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?"

The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label.

It says...

(Are you ready for this?)





(Are you sure?)





(This is bad!)





(Last chance)





(OK, here it is)




It says,



"Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair,
adds permanent wave."

[GoddessOfGuinness]

9. Haha! I love it!

:thumbsup: