Tips on healthy living

[proud2BlibKansan]

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
 
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
 
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Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
 
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of  vegetable products.
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Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
 
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
 
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Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
 
A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
 
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Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
 
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No  Pain...Good
 
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Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
 
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
 
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Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
 
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
 
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Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
 
A: Are you crazy? HELLO .. Cocoa beans ... another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around! 
 
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Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
 
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
 
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Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
 
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
 
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Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets and remember,
 
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - strawberries in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming - WOO HOO! What a  Ride!"

[tigersumtin]

1. WOOO HOOOOOO

how about sliding in with a little Jack & Coke. in one hand and a Hooter in the other.

[proud2BlibKansan]

3. Works for me

I will think about it while I am taking a nap to rest my heart. :)

[Floogeldy]

2. Ha ha!

[mwdem]

4. Great advice!!!

How're you guys doing in K.C.? We're now in DFW, Texas, and 2+ months in, I miss Kansas.:cry:

[proud2BlibKansan]

6. Hey I was just thinking about you guys the other day

PM me and I will give you my cell number so we can get together next time you are here.

Our meetup group is growing by leaps and bounds. You would be proud. :)

[WCGreen]

5. There is a lot of shape to me.....

It is just curves....

[proud2BlibKansan]

7. I got the nap part down

No need to rev that engine. LOL

[NMMNG]

8. Very cute

:rofl:

[evlbstrd]

9. How the hell did you find my Abridged Philosophy?

We figured out that everyone who quits smoking in my family dies. And tobacco is a vegetable.

[proud2BlibKansan]

10. I knew you would like this

Believe it or not, I got it from our school nurse.

[evlbstrd]

11. I believe it.

It's like cops. They have the best shit.

Jameson's Irish Whiskey is an excellent disinfectant, as well as anesthesia for the surgeon. Just dip the Xacto blades in a shot, and you're good.

[tigersumtin]

12. mmmmmm Jameson's

for a sore throat A shot of ToKill Ya, a slice of lime, an a spoon full of honey. In that order works all the time. :toast: