That poor woman--Gretchen Bonaduce...

[bliss_eternal]

I know this is a re-run, but wow.

"Do you think it's me? I mean, maybe he should be with someone else,... maybe I'm making him unhappy.." while she's crying.

:hug:

How could she think it's her--he had these problems so long before she married him.

I feel for her. Poor lady.

[bliss_eternal]

1. Now he's whining about the rehab being

too 'new age.'

As if ANY rehab he would be happy with. Since when is rehab, happy fun time?

[Tallison]

2. As sick as the addict

is he/she who sticks by his/her side... Many relationships don't survive "rehabilitation" for exactly this reason.

[bliss_eternal]

3. Excellent point...

The rehab guy just told the wife she's got to let him go--he can't do the work he has to do in rehab, if he's doing it for someone else. He has to do it because he's ready to.

I don't know if their marriage will survive. I don't know if we can have a lot of faith on a marriage built on a dare in a way.

[Tallison]

4. Built on a dare?

Oh boy. Sounds like Gretchen could use a good women's group moderated by a smart, life-experienced female therapist. I've seen them work wonders. :thumbsup:

[bliss_eternal]

8. Built on a dare--

I can't think of another way to put it, but that's what I think of when I hear the story of how they got married.

He was set up on a blind date--it was Gretchen. He, being himself wanted to have sex. She's VERY CHRISTIAN and said, 'no way--not til I'm married.' He went into the phone book and found officiants--and married her!!! He says he was also drunk at the time.

They wake up together the next day, he didn't recall much (or so he says). She reminds him--she's now Mrs. Bonaduce.

This is why I say it was a marriage on a dare. He obviously just wanted to have sex, was drunk, and has many other issues. Instead of owning up to it being a bad idea, and just getting it annulled, she stayed in.

THIS is what THEY have attempted to build a marriage on. :eyes: Can you imagine? And no, it wasn't a 'stunt' for his career. He had no career at that time.

[KitchenWitch]

5. Is this Danny Bonaduce's wife?

[bliss_eternal]

9. Yes...

unfortunately, I've watched their show--Breaking Bonaduce. Biggest train wreck ever.

[WCGreen]

6. When I was heavily involved in AA back about

twenty years ago, a lot of people would get divorced when they really started getting serious about their sobriety...

They always would pass it off as the spouse having fallen in love with the drunk and when sobriety arrived, they didn't like the new person...

My thinking on this, and it is purely anecdotal, is that if you were an ass hole when you were drinking, there was a really good chance you would be an ass hole when sobriety took hold...

What may happen is the spouse is blaming the ass holiness on the drink... or the drug... And they pin so much hope on sobriety bringing about a change in personality that when it happens, they realize the spouse really was a jerk and leave...

[bliss_eternal]

10. Great observation!

I've seen this too.

Former friend of mine, married a guy that was an alcoholic--addict. She blamed the drinking and using--but he really was just a jerk. They were in and out of counseling. My heart went out to them. I suspected that if she was really honest with herself, she would see he was just an ass and eventually move on. Their daughter deserved to be in a healthier environment.

They married because she got pregnant with her child--and he was using then. He stopped because they were having a child, and getting married. Unfortunately, I didn't get a sense that either had improved him much.

Magical thinking is so destructive. Thinking that if this or that changes, everything will be all better. It just never seems to work that way.

[Tallison]

18. Only desperate people

stay in relationships with active addicts and alcoholics. Their desperation constitutes a whole other disorder for which there's Alanon. If the partner doesn't recognize this and get help, on sobering up the SO will and want to get as far away as possible.

[bliss_eternal]

22. When they are healthy--

I question how healthy Gretchen is. I also question how healthy Danny will get. It doesn't seem he went in because he wanted to. He went in because his therapist insisted he would only continue to see him if he did.

The counselor in rehab noticed this, and called them both on it.

[RetroLounge]

28. From personal experience I agree

Although she was quite the non-innocent, it took a few years for my assholiness to go away. Glad she left...

RL

[edbermac]

7. Poor lady? She married Danny Bonaduce!

He's the BEST she could do? Really...

[bliss_eternal]

11. Don't know...

She probably could have done better. She hasn't really given herself a chance. Just hung in there--not sure why...

That picture is so funny.

[Lavender Brown]

24. on the same day they met, no less

:eyes:

[nini]

12. A relative of mine has a childhood connection to D. Bonaduce

He was a pompous little shit back then too. He will never change. She needs to run far and never look back.

[bliss_eternal]

14. Such a shame...

He's rather childish and petulant in moments on the show. He throws these fits of "I want it, and I want it now."

When you see it in a child, you do your best to correct the behaviour. You realize, children don't know any better--they have to be taught.

But when it's in an adult--what can you do?

[tjdee]

16. He has admitted that, though.

He has said on the show at least that he needs to grow up and that he never grew up, or something.

You'd think he'd get to work on actually *being grown up*...um.... maybe that's after he's detoxed?

[tjdee]

13. The shrink needs to be getting her self-esteem up, geez.

I feel so bad for Gretchen, but...

She told Danny she wouldn't have sex with him unless they were married, so she *married* him on their first date. It's like she is committed to the end with this guy, and while I guess that's what marriage is supposed to be, how many chances is she going to give him?
What is she saying to herself about the way she should be treated? He slit his wrists so she would stay--and she did!

The sad thing is, though, Danny really loves her and I think she knows that and that's why she stays. That's some love story there.... let's just hope it doesn't fuck up their kids!

[bliss_eternal]

17. Too late

at least for the daughter.

She already showing signs of major codependent tendencies. Not at all healthy. Children don't know any better. It's up to the adults to set a better example.

Gretchen has to make some choices for her children, too. It isn't just about she and Danny anymore--there's kids involved.

[tjdee]

20. Yeah, that's the thing--there are two kids there.

And even if that love story is the greatest in the world, there are two kids that are learning how to act.

One really scary moment for me was when Gretchen was talking about the daughter begging her not to let daddy leave--well guess what, Gretchen, YOU'RE THE MOTHER. You do what is best for the child, not what they tell you to do!

[bliss_eternal]

21. omg--yes--I saw that, too

Wasn't that sad? Broke my heart!

You are so right--it's up to HER to set the precedent, not the kids. If Danny isn't being a good example, then it's up to her to move on.

I still remember when Lisa Bonet left Lenny Kravitz (lol). It seemed so weird, as they seemed so in love. But now, knowing he cheated on her while out on the road--I salute her. She may have even still loved him, but she had to set an example for her daughter, that it's not ok to accept such behaviour in a marriage.

Her daughter was probably sad and didn't want them to leave her daddy, but as she grows into a woman, she'll know her mother did the right thing.

[Arugula Latte]

15. I want her to dump him NOW.

I've never seen such a self-absorbed, immature, whiney, aggressive, assholeish dickhead in my life. I find myself rooting for him to fail in rehab so she'll get the hell away from that controlling, abusive SHIT.

[bliss_eternal]

19. Sad thing

is I don't know that she will.

As horrible as he is, we have to also ask ourselves, what is SHE getting out of this?

In a weird way, she gets to be the victim, the martryr. The holy one that just stays and is put upon by Danny's hideous behaviour.

A lot of women would have left a long time ago. She's getting something out of this insanity too (unfortunately)...

But I know what you mean--it pains me to see her stay--if not for her, for the kids. That Dante is just adorable. So not fair to him or his sister...

[hatredisnotavalue]

23. I think she loves the attention of being a victim

She is riding on his fame by being a victimized spounse. Can you really imagine being a mother of two kids and agreeing to have this kind of stuff filmed about your life. As an aside, I am just loving this show...they want to bear it..I am there to watch the car wreck.

[bliss_eternal]

25. I hate to admit it,

but I am too!! Car wreck doesn't even BEGIN to describe that insanity, but you're right, you just can't look away!

I also think you're right in your assessment of Gretchen. It wouldn't seem so, but there is some power inherent in being the victim.

Watching her jet around town in her little sports car, shopping in the boutiques, having her hair done--it's only natural that she would enjoy some of the status and clout that goes with being a 'celebrity' wife. Maybe she doesn't want to give that up so easily either...

[hatredisnotavalue]

26. ..if she was any other woman

she would have been bringing her kids to the museum, shopping, amusement park, just to get their minds off of their dad being away. But no,,,she was having her teeth treated!!!! I think she is more shallow than Danny!

sorry spelling error

[bliss_eternal]

27. I didn't think of that--good point.

I didn't even consider, where are the kids? What are they doing? But that's a good point--where were they? I'm guessing with a nanny...

There's got to be some truth in your thought of her being as shallow as Danny--or why else would she stay, put up with it? Someone that isn't shallow isn't going to be attracted to someone that is, are they?

A lot of women would be completely repelled by him, his wants, needs, demands, etc.--they'd pack up their kids and go. She's still there getting her teeth bleached, and listening to her gf's tell her how amazing she is to stay.

:wtf: