Excuse me for a moment, I have to go downstairs and kill my neighbour.

[CanuckAmok]

He's a nice enough fellow. I didn't even mind his buying a straight-pipe Harley like all the rest of his financial advisor pals (who come over on their identical rebel-statements).

But now he has apparently taken up the electric guitar, and he's been parcticing the intro to "Misty Mountain Hop" for about an hour.

Same six notes, over and over.

Poorly.

So, I'm just gonna run down there and bludgeon him to death. BRB.

[no name no slogan]

1. While you're at it, can you kill my upstairs neighbor?

I don't understand why she needs to herd the elephants through her apartment at 11:00 PM every night instead of 5:00 PM, like the rest of us in the building.

[CanuckAmok]

9. A song for you:

The guy upstairs is such a freak,
for five years now I've had a leak.
What does he do up there?
All day long he "sleeps all day"
then he goes out and comes home
in the most intoxicated way.
As far as I can tell, he juggles bowling balls
but he's not good at it.
He moves his furniture then at six am
he pulls out the vacuum cleaner
to suck his room.
The guy downstairs is also crazy,
he spent some time in an institute.
It did him not much good.
He's off his medication
and he starts screaming,
"Virgin Mary, you fucking alien!"
According to him Jesus Christ smokes crack
and other sundry things.
But it's the man upstairs who pulls the strings.
Won't let me sleep.
Please, kill that man upstairs.
If you ever loved me, you'll do this one thing,
won't you sweetheart?
Please, murder that man upstairs.
If you want to be my friend
you'll have to prove you mean it.
I used to think that rent control was a good idea
until I moved in here. Now I'm the only sucker
paying more than a hundred bucks a room.
And I'm surrounded by lunatics who don't
even need a moon.
But it's the man upstairs who pulls the strings
won't let me sleep.
Please, kill that man upstairs.
If you ever loved me, you'll do this one thing,
won't you sweetheart?
Please, murder that fuck upstairs.
If you want to be my friend
you'll have to prove you mean it.
Then there's the lady across the hall
who always knows what's going on
and Machu Pichu down the stairs
who is selling crack from to door.
14B are refugees and 14A transvestite whores.
But you know who is coming home
he's falling up his drunken stairs.
Please, kill that man upstairs.
If you ever loved me, you'll do this one thing,
won't you sweetheart?
Please, murder that fuck upstairs.
If you want to be my friend
you''ll help me get a good night sleep.

[GOPisEvil]

2. Dude...you have the worst neighbors ever.

[CanuckAmok]

3. I know!

The Asshole Neighbour is gone, and the downstairs guy really is okay, but this building is weird.

[Elidor]

4. Actually, that's only three notes

Dow-dow-dowdowdow, Dow-dow-dowdowdow
Just then a policeman asked me said please hey would we care
To all get in line! Get in line! Well ya know?

They asked us to stay for tea and have some fun, whoa
He said that his friends would all drop by...

[flvegan]

5. From what I understand...

and I'm no lawyer, but I don't think that's a chargeable offense...

Use aluminum...a wood bat will retain DNA.

[driver8]

6. The kid that lives in the house next to mine plays the drums.

He thinks it is ok for his shitty band to practice at 10:00pm, and feels it is ok for him to practice at midnight. I am about ready to kill this little bastard. We have been over there three times -- we have two little kids that go to bed at 8pm and this dickhead always wakes them up.

I told him, "we've been pretty cool with you up to this point. Next time we are calling the cops."

I hate being an asshole.

[Heather Chandler]

7. drano works well

[Inland]

8. Hopefully, my neighbor will kill himself.

He's a fat slob, he cooks slabs of pork fat on his grill, talks shit at the top of his lungs, plays dumbshit music and lives out of his garage so he looks bad, sounds bad, smells bad all day long or until he drops drunk. He's an assault on every sense, including touch as the bass reverberates through my house.

If the cigarettes or noise would jar a lump of fat into a brain blood vessel, I wouldn't mind a bit.

[Arugula Latte]

10. But, but, I thought you Northern North Americans were a peaceful lot!?!

Thoughts of violence? Say it ain't so!

[Nevernose]

11. Is this the psycho you got into a fistfight with?

:popcorn:
Other's people drama is so much more fun than my own. Lemme know how it turns out, okay?
:popcorn:
Maybe slip a couple of photocopied "guitar lesson" ads from the yellow pages under his door? Like every day until he stops?
:popcorn:

[CanuckAmok]

12. No, that guy's long-gone.

His place is vacant and still for sale, but he and the "little woman" moved to the suburbs in July.