How to write CCC (contemporary Christian crap) hits

[GoddessOfGuinness]

http://www.kansas.com/mld/kansas/entertainment/columnists/brent_castillo/12905734.htm

[AirmensMom]

1. Now THAT is funny!

I'm a Christian, but I like the oldies ... can't stand the contemporary "music"! :puke:

Now I know how they write it. :rofl:

[chemenger]

2. "Faith + 1"

Or you can write CCC in the style of Eric Cartman ... just take a tune currently in top 40's, read through the lyrics, scratching out certain words and phrases and replace them with Jesus' name.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

3. I once played for a "living Christmas tree" choral concert

that was chock full of schlocky garbage designed to appeal to a wide age group. It looked sort of like this:
only they had constructed plywood "boughs" in such a way that you could only see the choristers' heads.

If headhunters had Christmas trees, they would surely look like this.

[noonwitch]

28. Was this in Grand Rapids, MI?

My parents got hooked by some friends into attending the "living Christmas tree" at the First Assembly of God in Wyoming. They had never been to a pentecostal church before and were totally shocked by the people speaking in tongues and flailing their arms around. My mom was most offended because the minister dressed as Jesus (not the baby Jesus, of course). She thought it was blasphemous.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

29. It was at an enormous Baptist church in MD...

I played an Easter pageant for them one year that included a live lamb that kept peeing all over the floor of the sanctuary. I hope they had kitty litter and plastic sheeting under the straw...

[Initech]

5. One of the best South Park episodes ever!

"I love you Jesus, I want to feel your salvation all over my face!"

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[neoteric lefty]

7. one of the best SP jokes ever! n/t

[CatholicEdHead]

8. It was also on last night

besides I have it on DVD (Passion of the Jew).

[Cats Against Frist]

10. Yay Oulipo!!!

:toast:

[Eric J in MN]

15. That's what I thoght of when I saw the thread title (nt)

nt

[bleedingheart]

33. Eric Cartman's christian album was one of the funniest things

I have ever seen on South Park...

[philosophie_en_rose]

4. Take the Ned Flanders Shortcut.

Take any popular song and replace "Baby" with "Jesus."

Ta Da!

[Initech]

6. That was Cartman!

[philosophie_en_rose]

9. Sorry General Disarray, but "Simpsons Did It!"

:)

It was Ned Flanders' girlfriend from an episode years ago.

Ned: So uuh, where's your band?
Rachel: They switched from Christian music to regular pop. All you do is change 'Jesus' to 'baby'.
Ned: Oh, how horrible.
Rachel: Oh, they'll all go to hell.

http://download.lardlad.com/sounds/season12/praiseland7.mp3
http://www.lardlad.com/assets/quotes/season12/praiseland.shtml

[Initech]

13. Simpsons did it! Simpsons did it! Simpsons did it!

Oh, shit I forgot about that episode!

Better inform Matt Stone and Trey Parker quick!

[tjdee]

11. It's funny because it's trueeeeeee.... there is such a dearth of good

Christian music to listen to. I don't even bother.

I have found maybe three or four Christian artists worth listening to, and they can be very uneven in terms of actual goodness, IOW, you hear a good song or two, don't bother getting the cd.

Sigh.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

12. There's plenty of good music with a message out there...

I don't understand the fixation people have with needing to hear Jesus' name sung or spoken in order to receive the wisdom of the moment.

[fudge stripe cookays]

14. Na na na-na-na-na-na....

Jesus...

reprehensor's company put on the Christian station one day, and he swore that every song sounded like that.

Now it's our anytime Christian music parody.

FSC

[GoddessOfGuinness]

17. Substitute Jesus Christ

for Rock 'n Roll...

It's still Jesus Christ to Me

Give me that Old Time Jesus Christ

I Love Jesus Christ

LOL

[fudge stripe cookays]

19. God, wouldn't that give Joan Jett hives?

"I love Jesus Christ...
so put another nail in the cross now baby...."

I am so going to hell....
FSC
:D

[GoddessOfGuinness]

22. LOL!

Tooo funny!

[AussieDave]

16. Just imagine - you could write CCC hits and become

this:




or this (even creepier):




Kind of explains evangeicals, doesn't it ???

[GoddessOfGuinness]

18. Those are some scary-looking folks!

Do they come from Stepford?

[AussieDave]

21. No - probably one of the square states

in middle Amurikkka where they're STILL waiting for the Rapture......

[GoddessOfGuinness]

23. Screw the Rapture

Just send them a decent hair stylist! :D

[Dervill Crow]

20. Excuse me. I have to go poke my eyes out now. n/t

[fudge stripe cookays]

25. "Let me touch him??!!"

SNORK!

I think I just peed myself a little.
FSC

[AussieDave]

26. No doubt what some of those righteous, God-fearing

hypocrites do to the younger folk.......

[Dukkha]

24. I like the Peter Griffin christmas songs

"I brought some gifts for you they're up in my bum"

[GoddessOfGuinness]

30. I wonder how that would go over in

the Church of Pentecostal Holiness...

[arwalden]

27. Oh Thtat's HYSTERICAL!!

[GoddessOfGuinness]

32. Do you know if Orrin Hatch writes his own music?

:evilgrin:

[arwalden]

35. I don't Know... But John Ashcroft Does.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

36. What a duo they'd make!

I'd drive a thousand miles just to miss them!

[no name no slogan]

31. You TOO can be the next Amy Grant

My mom goes to a "modern" evengelical church, and although I go with her when I visit (even though I disagree with the pastor on most stuff, I still like his sermons), the "modern" worship music really goes get on my nerves.

That article is spot on. Just take a mediocre pop song, throw in some Jeebus and hallelujahs, and you're the next Michael W. Smith. Hell, if I had half a brain, I'd start writing some of this stuff myself and cash in.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

34. It's hard watching people rake in $$$

by spouting about Jesus as if he was a brand of laundry detergent. I've refused to work with evangelical churches for several years now, unless I'm unaware that they're evangelical or I'm desperate for money.