Hey all you single, male DUers!

[Susang]

How will YOU find YOUR wife? }(

Top 15 Biblical Way to Acquire a Wife

1. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours.
-- (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)

2. Find a prostitute and marry her.
-- Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3)

3. Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.
-- Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)

4. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.
-- Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)

5. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife.
-- Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)

6. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a rib.
-- Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)

7. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a woman.
-- Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)

8. Cut off 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife.
-- David (I Samuel 18:27)

9. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative of course.)
-- Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)

10. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest.
-- Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)

11. When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a ...woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me."
-- Samson (Judges 14:1-3)

12. Kill any husband and take HIS wife. (Prepare to lose your son though).
-- David (2 Samuel 11)

13. Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea, it's the law).
-- Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)

14. Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity.
-- Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)

15. A wife?...NOT!!!
-- Paul (1 Corinthians 7:32-35

(Forgive me if this has been posted before) O8)

[GOPisEvil]

1. Hey! I bought a piece of property. I didn't get a woman!!

Do I have to pay off the property first? x(

Hmmm...there are a few husbands who should watch out. }(

[Susang]

3. You could always go the party route

Are you good at hiding? :D

[GOPisEvil]

6. You know...I can give up one rib.

I've got plenty of spares. She'll probably make me eat an apple and commit sins or something. :eyes:

[Susang]

8. Yeah, but you'd like that

Or so I hear. ;-)

[GOPisEvil]

9. Yeah...I may have coveted an ass or two in my day.

}(

[Susang]

10. You?

That's hard to believe! :P

[GOPisEvil]

11. I know what you mean.

O8)

[Ellen Forradalom]

16. Your lawyer sucks

Don't pay his fee 'til he coughs up the woman.

[GOPisEvil]

18. I got hosed.

x(

[Gregorian]

33. Not even a mule?

It wasn't forty acres, then.

[eyepaddle]

2. I don't know which one I like best,

but I can tell you I have NO use for number 8. None at all! :scared:

[AirmensMom]

4. That's so lame.

[Susang]

7. Thanks for posting

:hi:

[BeFree]

5. Wow

It used to be so easy. I've tried just about everything else, guess I need to break out the bible again.

Oh yeah, greeting every woman you meet with "Nice Tits!" hardly ever works.

[Lethe]

12. i would do #7 for a woman i know

i would gladly work 14 years to marry her, because she is worth it

[CanuckAmok]

13. Hey, I did one of those things.

Didn't turn out so well, though.

[Susang]

22. It was #8, right?

I'm right aren't I? :evilgrin:

[CanuckAmok]

23. Yeah, that's right. The wage wasn't great, but I got to keep the tips.

n/t

[Susang]

27. Rimshot please!

Thank you! :hi:

[CanuckAmok]

29. I'm here all week. Try the veal, I hear it's fabulous!

[Maine Mary]

14. OK, I Probably shouldn't be here, but....

this is bullshit! Susang and I want a REAL man...And WE pick :-)

[GOPisEvil]

15. You can club me over the head and drag me to your cave anytime.

;)

[prolesunited]

17. Wow!

Jason got off easy. ;-)

[Susang]

20. So did Bat Boy

Though he did try to club me over the head at a party once. :D

[flvegan]

19. Me? Yeah, right.

I can hardly get a gal to talk to me. Marry me? Whatever.

BTW, #13? My brother is gay. Taking his "widow" ain't gonna work.

#12? I don't belive in violence.

The Bible scares me sometimes.

[Dangerously Amused]

21. Flvegan.

Change your name to Flveganmeat.

I bet that will spark some conversation!

Hee hee!

[flvegan]

24. Really? Why?

If it'll work, I'd love to know.

Flveganmeat...sort of a nice ring to it...

[Dangerously Amused]

26. Oh geez.

Do I have to spell it out? :eyes:


Because then they will ask you what "vegan meat" is.

[Susang]

28. I need another rimshot over here, stat!

Thank you! :D

[flvegan]

30. I'm a bit daft, I suppose.

So, um, yeah...spell it out...

hee hee

[Dangerously Amused]

31. Daft like a fox!

[flvegan]

32. If only I were so cute and "pet-able" as a fox.

Sigh.

[Dangerously Amused]

34. Ah! You are and you know it.

Such a tease.

[LostInAnomie]

25. For #7 do I get to keep both wives?

I can see some definite advantages to that scenario.