Did you fight with your spouse in naming your children?

[Guaranteed]

My now fiancee and I are having a hard time picking out names for any children that might come along in the future. I want to name our first son after my father's father, Ivan. The problem is that her mother used to go out with a guy named Ivan, and they didn't like him. According to my fiancee, that means I can't name my son after my grandfather. Just because her mother went out with some clown for a couple of years.

But I've given her plenty of options to work with, including my dad's name, and her late brother's name. She just keeps vetoing everything. She isn't being cooperative.

And, yes, "Sebastian" is the name that she has her heart set on. I'm supposed to name a child with this woman?

Anyone else with a horror story or two about naming kids?

[ZombieNixon]

1. I'm terribly sorry, but "Sebastian" sounds like a name for

an evil monkey or a religious cult leader.

Just sayin'

:shrug:

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

2. (Runs sobbing from the room)

No, that's not my name, really! :o

[Guaranteed]

3. That's what SHE wants.

I'm totally with you.

[driver8]

39. Why do women come up with such crazy names for boys? My sister

in-law, if she had a boy, was thinking of naming the poor kid "Hunter" or "Owen."

Owen isn't bad, but "Hunter"? WTF? I told her that her son would get the snot beat out of him daily if his name was "Hunter."

[Not_Giving_Up]

4. We went round and round on a name for my son

We knew what we wanted for a girl's name, but he came first. Luckily, we found out early, so we had plenty of time to agree on something. He picked the first name, I picked the middle name.

[Guaranteed]

9. Do you think it's proper for a son's father to be given more leeway

on the son's name than the mother? It's sounds like that's what you did.

I'm wondering if I should put my foot down.

Yes, she'd be the boy's mother, but a boy and his father have a special bond...

[Left Is Write]

13. A boy and his mother have a special bond also.

I do not suggest "putting your foot down." Any children you have belong to both of you. It's much better to find something you can both agree on.

If your fiancee agrees that the father should have more say on the son's name than the mother, then you do what works for you. I have known couples that agreed ahead of time that the mother would name daughters and the father would name sons, or that the mother would name the first child and the father would name the second child, or some such agreements.

My husband and I worked on names together for our two children. With my oldest (my husband's stepdaughter), there was no first/middle name issue. Her father didn't care what her first/middle names were, so I picked them. His big beef was with her LAST name, but that's a story for another day.

[AlCzervik]

5. I have one, it was kind of weird but it all worked out well

When i was growing up i always loved the name Anastasia, and i always though that if i ever had a daughter that would be her name, so flash forward 15 years later i met the man that i would end up marrying and his mothers name was Anastasia. My Anastasia is sitting on the couch watching cartoon network.

[prolesunited]

6. You're arguing about hypothetical children?

Is this a deal breaker? If not, why worry?

[Guaranteed]

11. No, it's nowhere near a deal-breaker, but it is pissing me off.

She keeps coming up with crazy names like "Loki" and whatnot, and I'm trying my best to give her good options, even my dad's name (her mother did NOT date someone with my dad's name), but she just keeps vetoing them all. I'm getting sick of it.

[RayOfHope]

17. OMG, you will NEVER believe this

but I *swear* it's true. I have a friend who has two boys--Ivan and Loki.

How strange both those names came up in this thread!

[Guaranteed]

20. That's cool. I'd actually accept that.

If she'd take Ivan for our first boy, I'd take Loki for our second.

[RayOfHope]

21. Loki was a hard fight for her

but she wore her husband down! (Ivan is the oldest).

[jpgray]

25. Loki had sex with giants and spawned horrible mutated monster wolves

I think he can at least be out

[Guaranteed]

33. Well, it's probably better than Lucifer, which we were actually

considering.

[Left Is Write]

7. We didn't fight, but we did disagree on some names.

He liked Dominick, I didn't.

I liked Daphne (my grandmother's middle name), but he didn't.

When I was pregnant with our now 5-year-old daughter, we picked out a name for each gender. The first boy name I suggested was flatly vetoed as absolutely no good. We eventually settled on a name we both liked. The baby turned out to be a girl, so we obviously didn't use that name.

When I was pregnant with our son, we again picked names for each gender. I assumed we would go with the previously chosen boy's name, but my husband wanted to start fresh. I suggested the previously vetoed name and was shot down again. When I was four months pregnant, we were on a flight to Minneapolis to visit family, and it suddenly occurred to me that the vetoed name would fit perfectly with my husband's name as a middle name. I looked at him, blurted out the two names together, and his eyes lit up. He liked it! I guess I "won" that one, because the name that was previously vetoed is my son's name.

I loved that name and had dreamed of giving it to a son of mine since I was 15.

Anyway...sometimes you can compromise, and sometimes you can't (I never did get to use Daphne, and he never got to use Dominick). I can understand your fiancee not wanting to name her son Ivan if it has unpleasant connotations for her. I suggest she throws out Sebstian, you throw out Ivan, and you start fresh.

[Tikki]

8. On a girl's name I liked...but, then we never....

...ever even had a daughter....;(



Tikki

[AccessGranted]

10. It's Certainly Not Easy

When I had my first child, my husband and I couldn't agree on names at all. He was old school and I was into these fancy crazy names, so we agreed that if it was a boy he could name it and if it was a girl I could name it. The names I'd picked out for a girl were "Scheherazade", "Skyy" and "Bjana". I was a little wacky back then. Well, it was a boy and we ended up naming him plain old "Norman" after his father. My son is 22 now and I'm still not sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. How about compromising and combining names. My sister wanted to name her daughter "Dion" and her husband wanted "Andrea", so they named my niece "Diondrea". Or try this, if it's a girl your wife gets to pick the first name and you get to pick the middle name. If it's a boy you get to pick the first name and your wife picks the middle name. Remember, you can't please your entire family. That is between you and your wife! Don't worry, you'll work it out!

[spacelady]

12. Sounds like a completely neutral compromise is in order. On the other

hand, my husband has let me name everything, from pets to kid...I'm a good namer.

[mopinko]

14. we had a deal, and it worked for us.

since i did not change my name, and since i didn't want to let them all have their dad's name, we took turns. with the first one, he got my last name, and his dad got to pick the rest, and so on, through 4 kids. no fights.

[khashka]

15. Fuck yes...

My wife wanted to name our daughter Amadyka - I swore that I would not only never speak to her again I would exact any retribution I could think of (and my evil is boundless, my retribution is truly to be feared).

We compromisised on Ally. And everyone was happy. (And no one got hurt)


Khash.

[AirmensMom]

16. We had all our children's names picked out when we were engaged.

The plan was to have four kids -- two girls and two boys. We agreed on all the names. So we got married and got the show on the road. First one came along, a girl. We agreed on the name but didn't use a single one of the names we had chosen before. Second one comes along, another girl. Completely new name again. I'm not doing this again, so the boys never came. I guarantee they would have had new names as well. Things change when there's actually a baby coming and it's no longer a faraway dream.

:hi:

[NNadir]

18. I negotiated an agreement with my wife.

I got to name my son after my late father and she got to name the second (and last) child anything she wished - giving me veto power only.

It wasn't too hard to do, since she loved my father - and his name - as much as I did. She loved my father more than she loved her own father in fact.

[KitchenWitch]

19. My boyteen's middle name is after someone in my ex's family

He wanted it to be the boyteen's first name, but I was not comfortable with that, so we compromised and made it his middle name.

[Blue-Jay]

22. I wanted to name him "Poop Cage Coppola-Jay".

I can't believe that I was overruled. :cry:

[spacelady]

26. Dang, Blue-Jay did you see my post?! Talk about wavelengths!

[Guaranteed]

29. Coulda made it your DU screenname! nt

[spacelady]

23. This reminds me of a Saturday Night Live skit with Nicholas Cage--

WAY before he actually named his kid. Anywho, he and his wife were arguing about baby names and he kept making stupid rhymes about her choices- like Doug = Slug, Bug... & then someone comes to the door and asks for "Mr. Asswipe" and he says "NO, that's Az-wee-pay!"

[Guaranteed]

30. LOL I remember that one quite well.

"I've got a package here for Mr. and Mrs. Asswipe Johnson?"

"That's Oz-WEE-pay!!"

[Ptah]

24. My first born's name is his mother's maiden surname.

Our daughter's name is a biblical name, that we easily agreed on.
One mistake; both their names begin with the same letter.
Labeling their toys with initials was problematic.

Our son's middle name is also my middle name.

When I wanted his attention and would speak his full name
I got verklempt: it was like hearing my full name from my
parents. Just a little too close to home, so to speak.

[Xithras]

27. Take turns

Here's what my wife and I did: We flipped a coin. No kidding, and no shit. I won the coin toss, so I named the first baby. She didn't get to offer ANY names, but she DID get veto rights.

With kid #2, the situation reversed. She picked a bunch of names and I got an up/down vote on them.

Kid #3 was going to be my turn again, but he popped out early before we could decide on a name. It ended up that I picked one name, my wife picked the other, and my two older kids decided which order they should be in :)

Here's a suggestion that I give to anyone contemplating marriage: Pick your battles wisely. If she won't budge on this, don't make her...but see if you can make a deal with her for the next one.

[Guaranteed]

31. I just offered that, that I'd name the first boy, and she'd name the first

girl, but since we've already really agreed on a girl's name, now she's using that against me.

[ofrfxsk]

28. Are you trying to get pregnant now?

If not, why not concentrate on getting married first, settle into your lives a bit then when the pregnancy happens, it happens. People tend to calm about names when the baby is actually in existence.

[cally]

32. My old neighbors couldn't agree on a name

for their son. For the first few days, he didn't have a name. Finally, the hospital came into the room and wanted to fill out the birth certificate. The woman chose the name she wanted and it stuck. :rofl:

My husband and I couldn't agree at all. We finally agreed to each look through a baby names book and put down all the names we liked. The other person got to cross out any that were unacceptable. We then put the list together and after endless months of discussion, we agreed on names.

I certainly can't see fighting about it even before pregnancy. You will both change your opinion.

[Xithras]

34. Oh no! I actually know a couple who divorced because of that!

Tragic story really. The guy had a brother who was a total druggie loser. The brother got wasted one day and attacked their mom. The guy jumped in to defend his mother from his brother and, in the struggle, the brother was killed.

Nine years later the guy and his new wife were expecting a baby. She wanted to name it after the dead brother, but he flatly refused and explained why. They never did agree on a name, so when the hospital asked for the name, she went ahead and gave the dead brothers name.

He filed for divorce a week later (she refused to allow him to change it).

[greatauntoftriplets]

35. The real name picking will come AFTER she is pregnant...

We went through generations of possible names for the triplets...especially before the ultrasounds started. Eventually we knew that two were boys...and the third was unknown. # 3 turned out to be a girl.

You have time for this, BGL. The time to argue about names is when one is on the way.

Oh...the triplets are (in order of delivery and within 5 minutes of each other via Caeserean) Christian, Jordan and Alexandra. All good strong names

The name comes to you during the pregnancy. We went through so damn many variations.

[miss_kitty]

36. My parents couldn't name me

Two grandmas and too much input-I was the first grandkid for my mom's mom and my dad's mom was a bitch. Mom and dad had called me 'The Tad' in utero, because of Pogo. So they called me 'Tad' after I was born, because they had no name. And I ended up as Tad to my family and one close friend as an adult.

The name they settled on after a week or so or wrangling is pedestrian and uninspired and I really don't feel at one with it, even though it's been my outside name since 2nd grade.

What if your kid doesn't fit the names you have picked out? Can you wait till the kid's born to pick a name? What was your grandfather's middle name? Could you use it? If not, your wife's mom will really like Ivan, once she gets to hold him. She'll want to spoil him silly. She'll forget all about Ivan the Terrible, who she used to date.

Ivan Sebastian has a nice rhythm to it...

[Kali]

37. Naming was a horrible ordeal for me.

I couldn't bear to even think of a name until I at least saw them. The first didn't get named for several days. I totally can understand some cultures just giving temporary names to children and then having a real naming ceremony when they become human beings - and can even participate! I was amazed at the pressure I felt from friends, family - even midwife/birth attendants - although of all they were the most sympathetic.

A name is so important - hard to fathom picking one for a person you don't even "know" yet. Takes me forever to name animals too.

First son ended up with a combination of Mom and Dad's first names, second son named after our occupations in a kind of cryptic way.

[Kali]

41. Well, that didn't answer the original question at all did it?

We didn't fight - I am a spoiled rat and very good at always getting my way, though I do try my best to present good and logical arguments. I try to have agreement on things I want to do and Husband is a very easy going guy so we get along pretty well that way.

Bottom line I chose the names with lots of bouncing and talk of possibilities.

[LaraMN]

38. Every good boy name I came up with, my husband claimed

would garner the kid a schoolyard beating. Now that our daughter's three, I'm having second thoughts about her name. You can't win.

[fortyfeetunder]

40. Picking one's battles

At first we agreed not to name the kid after any family member. Since we knew the gender, the problem was we have large numbers of males in the family so we knew finding an unique name would be difficult.

So I embarked on a naming mission....and every one was rejected by the spouse every time. I got fed up--went to the book store and bought a baby names book. Gave the book to the spouse and said, this is your project now.

Spouse came up with a name, and we learned later there was some distant relative with the same name on the spouse's side...

[driver8]

42. We had one name picked out for our daughter from the time we

found out we were having a girl. Her name is "Leah". We may have discussed a couple of names, but Leah was definitely the popular choice for both of us.

When my son was born, he was a bit harder. We thought about "Max" (named after my favorite uncle) or "Jake". We didn't use either as we hear those names a lot now and named him Daniel.

I guess we lucked out in the naming department.

[greblc]

43. Have the fight later...

Then pick something you both can agree on and feel comfortable yelling at the top of your lungs.

[evlbstrd]

44. Not until after I named them.

Actually, they have names that suit them, and it's now one of the few things we don't argue about.

[SarahB]

45. No.

We compromised and had mutual veto power over anything we didn't especially like. There's plenty of names out there. If you loathe "Sebastian" and "Ivan" is out for her, you can keep working on it. My advice: both of you drop those names willingly and start all over in the name department.