Ladies:How do you feel about men you don't know calling you "sweetheart"?

[caty]

Maybe I take it wrong, but when waiters, clerks, or salesmen refer to me as "sweetheart" or "sweetie" or "darlin'", I get a tad offended. I'm not their girlfriend. It either creeps me out or makes me feel patronized --depending on how they say it. And guys: if you do this--why? Instead of saying "thanks sweetie" why can't you just say "thank you"?

[Lisa0825]

1. It really pisses me off most of the time.

There are a few who can get away with it though... usually the grandfatherly type. If a man my age or younger who I am not at least casually acquainted with refers to me that way, it really pisses me off!

[La Lioness Priyanka]

2. umm i am ok with this...especially from gay men

[Crazy Guggenheim]

3. I usually just say b.............. Oh nevermind. I never say those kind of

things. If someone should say to me "stud muffin" or something, I just give them a "look" and they don't do it again. I find it sexist when ever someone makes a reference to gender.

[UncleSepp]

23. Yay for you! :-) I agree.

Superfluous references to gender make my world a hell of a lot harder to live in. Please, let's not bring the arrangement of my private bits into an exchange about purchasing a couch, or whatever it is.

[Crazy Guggenheim]

26. Thanks cutie. J/K ...........

You mentioned:

"Please, let's not bring the arrangement of my private bits into an exchange about purchasing a couch, or whatever it is."

I agree. It's also very unprofessional for a sales rep to do that.

[hippywife]

34. A little off the topic but

in the same vain of being patronizing during a purchase, a friend of a friend went to a dealership to look at cars and the salesman asked her if her husband was going to want to come by and look. When she told him she wasn't married he then asked about her father. She finally had enough and told him no one with a dick was going to be involved in the purchase of her car...not even him.

I loved that response. Bet he was picking his jaw up off the floor when she walked out of the showroom.

:rofl:

[Crazy Guggenheim]

38. Perfect!! I love it!!

[FuzzySlippers]

42. Does it often happen that you are addressed

as "stud muffin"?:popcorn:

[Crazy Guggenheim]

43. Are you kidding me?? I couldn't go out without it happening ...........

Well back in my skinnier days anyways ...........

:popcorn:

[FuzzySlippers]

45. Okay,stud muffin.

B-)

[OneGrassRoot]

4. Nothing like that offends me.........

the only thing that offends me is when they call me "ma'am"......friggin hate that.....:eyes:

[skygazer]

10. Now, ma'am doesn't bother me at all

It's a term of respect - nothing wrong with that. Why is it offensive?

[OneGrassRoot]

12. I realize it's a term of respect.......

and I certainly never let them know it offends me. It's just that I'm used to only "older" women being called "ma'am".....lol......though, oddly enough, I always call men ~ of all ages ~ "sir", so I should remember that it doesn't necessarily reflect one's age.

It's just one of those senseless little things that bother me...no logic to it.... :eyes:

[skygazer]

14. Ah, I get it

I respect that - we all have things that we do that are totally illogical. ;)

[Crazy Guggenheim]

15. I'll never forget when I started to get called sir. It's weird.

[caty]

13. Here's part of what brought me to ask this question.

My husband and I have been shopping for a new mattress set. I noticed that the salesmen refer to my husband as "sir" and me as "sweetheart". It just feels degrading. Why do we have to be called anything? Can't they just answer the question?

[skygazer]

18. Wow, how disrespectful

You should have your husband fix them with a steely glare next time they do that and say, "Excuse me? WHAT did you call my wife?"

Might make them stop and think. Or might not.

[lakemonster11]

51. In that context,

it's definitely sexist and rude.

Only grandfatherly types or obviously gay men ever call me "sweetheart" or "sweetie." Sometimes male friends call me "cutie." My old band director called me "baby". Because these men are who they are, they can get away with it without seeming sexist or creepy.

But if these are salesman (mattress salesmen!) who think the feminine form of "sir" is "sweetheart"? Yuck! Maybe if they were calling your husband "sport" or "son" or something. Even then they'd have to have a heck of a lot of charisma.

[WCGreen]

5. Women call me sweetie all the time.....

But I can see why a woman, especailly a younger woman would feel creeped out by it...

[khashka]

20. I call you sweetie...

Creeped out?


Maybe it's a feminist thing. In a sense it diminishes the person you are speaking to.

I've been beaten black and blue for calling women chicks.

But I've come to see it isn't about gender or age but understanding, connection, friendship, even the possibility of a possible friendship.

On a related note, and I might be misunderstanding the women here ----- but, for example. if you as a straight man called me a faggot. It wouldn't bug me. I know you well enough that no harm was meant. With others it would be fighting words. All is context.

The problem comes where there is no context.


Another example. I recently called a woman a bitch - here on DU. I meant it in admiration, rather than denigration and she accepted it as such. Lucky me.

If you don't understand why women would find those words offensive...... just ask.

Try this exercize - try all the nasty things, diminishing things you can call another man. They fall into two categories - slamming women or accusing you of being a fag. Think about it Obvious example - Chris, you son of a bitch! Who gets slammed? You or the woman who gave birth to you?

Just think about it.....

Khash.

[WCGreen]

24. For a lot of people. Hon or sweetie is a term of

enderament, another generation...

But to me, I always call women I don't know Ma'am, whether they are older or younger.....

But you are right....

[peekaloo]

6. Used to piss me off until I started calling them Baby Cakes in return.

"Uh, yes mam, I can have that ready by 4".

:evilgrin:

[caty]

16. I like that...

:thumbsup:

[skygazer]

7. I hate that crap

It IS patronizing and I despise it. I remember one time a woman was trying to get my employer to drop a charge against her (she had damaged one of our snowmobiles) and she gave up on him and came to me. She said, "Well, I can't get anywhere with him, hon, so maybe you can help me."

I just glared at her and replied, "Don't you dare call me 'hon'" which pretty well ended the conversation.

The only exception I make is for born southernors - some of those are kind of a cultural thing in the south and I don't take offense when some nice southern lady calls me "sugar."

[Lisa0825]

9. If it's in a conversation with a casual tone, I can deal with it....

but if it is in a professional tone, except for how *I* am referred to, then it really irks me!

[khashka]

8. On line vs off line

On line I call women - sweetheart, girl, lady, darlin'. Within the context of a conversation.

Off line, I'd never dare.

Is there a difference?


I sometimes wonder if it's cute and friendly or just equally offensive?

Khash.

[SeattleGirl]

11. Depends on the person/situation

I once had a client call me "sweetheart" and I snapped at him and told him to never call me that again. (He didn't). If an older person, male or female, calls me sweetheart, I generally don't take offense, as they generally are not meaning it in an offensive way.

[Misunderestimator]

17. It's condescending and I hate it.... I find a term equally condescending

to respond with, like "thanks little man"...

[nini]

25. LOL

:rofl:

[Darth_Kitten]

19. I don't care for it.....

I'm not their sweetie, their dear, their anything....

I put a stop to things like that from perfect strangers, I call them "boy".

they HATE that. :evilgrin:


someone I knew and liked I will give more leeway to. :)

[In_The_Wind]

21. I don't like it.

[eyesroll]

22. It's cute when the toddler asks, "are you my papa's sweetheart?"

It's cute when my grandfather calls me sweetheart.

I'm not big on it otherwise, although I don't find it creepy. Patronizing, yes.

[Splatter Phoenix]

27. My chem teacher does it.

I think for him it's a southern thing. I dunno. It's a mixed feeling, I don't have anyone call me it usually. I'm not exactly the kind of person who gets called that much as anything outside of "politeness"

[Devra]

28. sweet heart

come to think of it most of the time when someone calls me hon or sweetie they're usually women. Although a bus driver called me sweetie pie,(which I fond unsettling) that's the only incident I can recall from a man. Mostly it's women and among women it's usually waitresses, or sales clerks.

[Shakespeare]

29. I wonder why they have a death wish.

Condescending, patronizing, sexist assholes.

[Dave Reynolds]

30. I have been called "hon"

by at least four different women this week, I do not think that it is meant to be insulting or patronizing. Some folks are just in the habit, I guess.

[bridgit]

31. i'm in 'the theater' everyone calls each other "sweetheart"...

"darlin", "hon" "honey" (even the 'guy' guys) so that within that orbit it's all good, but when hubby calls me 'honey' in the quite-still of the night after we've done our best in this fucking world holding my tit in the palm of his hand while we drift off to dreamy-land...i do not mind it one iota :thumbsup: because, and maybe i'm a sucker but i believe it; he has a way engendering faith with the manner in which issues his words so there's that

:woohoo:

[xmas74]

32. Depends on how they say it.

If they say it w/ a snear than yes I'm offended. But if they say it as"Thanks for helping, you're such a sweetie" then I have no problems w/ it. I catch myself saying it to people all the time-both men and women. It's just a term most of the time and I've heard it applied to both sexes.

[Shine]

33. Usually stuff like that doesn't bother me, because I am also the

one calling strangers, men and women alike, "darlin'" or "sweetie". It's just my nature and I don't think it's a big deal. To me, it's just bein' friendly...

But hey, maybe that's just me...

:hi:

~Shine

[SOteric]

35. It's all in the delivery.

I'm usually flattered, and in the absence of better data, will assume that the person in question meant to be pleasant with me.

Of course, it's more than possible to be manipulative or condescending with what is otherwise meant as a pleasantry...

In general, the population these days has little trouble calling a woman who's a complete stranger a 'bitch' and several other unfortunate epithets.

As much as one may object to these phrases, one cannot change society to one's liking. Given the great popularity of mean, ruthless, and cutting remarks, I don't mind in the least if someone calls me 'sweetie.'

[Pithlet]

36. I agree.

You can usually tell if it's meant as flattery or if it's meant to put you in your place. Living in the South, in my personal experiences I realize that it isn't meant to insult or degrade most of the time.

[miss_kitty]

37. Just as long as they don't call me

'Late for Dinner!'

[caty]

39. Good one.

:rofl:

[Clintmax]

40. I don't think guys should say that.

I never say any of those things to a woman I don't know. I work in retail and so you can imagine how many people I come into contact with every day. Now, there ARE a few ladies that come into my store all the time and I have been known to say: "Well! How are YOU, my dear?" To which I get a smile and sometimes...a hug! But again, these are women who come in all the time and I've helped them with purchases over and over!

I think it's condescending to call someone that when you don't even know them.

[Orsino]

41. Don't come down south.

I get "honey" and "sweetie," too. I think it's cute, but I'm not gonna tell you what should or should not offend you.

If you feel singled out or patronized by it, that's certainly grounds for offense.

[WindRavenX]

44. Depends on context

Most of the time it's condensending and raises my hackles- the only one who has business calling me "sweetheart" is *my* sweetheart :P

[caty]

46. Ditto!!!!

:toast:

[ofrfxsk]

47. It infuriates me when it comes from anyone under the age of 70

I do not like being talked down to like I'm a child and not a grown woman. If anyone refers to me as honey, sweetie, punkin, babycakes, etc. they will get no tip or no sale. I've been known to walk out of furniture and department stores and I tell them exactly why they just lost a sale. It's usually some smarmy salesman in a cheap suit.

When elderly men say it, I don't care. They are from a different era and
don't know better. Anyone younger does know better.

[Skittles]

48. I don't care for it

I don't think they mean any offense but I just don't like the assumed familiarity.....although I must confess I don't feel this way when a senior citizen does it. :D

[AVulgarianHue]

49. "What would a sweetheart like that Miss caty dame...

be doing in a dump like this?"



:evilgrin:

[caty]

50. Here's looking at you kid.....

:applause:

[havocmom]

52. Pissed.

Went to an auto parts store with a male pal years ago. The 3 chaps working there were talking about some sport thing while I waited at the counter. They kept it up, totally ignoring me. I finally decided they were dense and interupted them stating that I needed a few car parts.

One jerk sauntered over and said "Well, what can we get ya, little lady?"

I am 5'8" and pretty tough. The gent with me was a self-defense and shooting coach for women. He knew me very well. He looked at the guy, glanced around at the others and said "Back away from the dangerous blond and maybe nobody will get hurt."

His quick response probably saved me from unleashing years of pent up frustration at patronizing imbicils. The staff looked at how serious he was as HE backed away from me and decide to get the parts I wanted without further smart assed, condesending treatment.

I also started going to a different auto parts store after that. Will NOT deal with people who think they can be that 1950s with me. ;)