I think I may ask this girl out tomorrow.....

[Wetzelbill]

Well, maybe not out "out" but for coffee or something. We have a lecture tomorrow and she is in my study group on friday too. But, our friday class is optional and I heard her mention she may never show up to it again. Anyway, the first day of lecture, I noticed her out of like about 200 people in there. She's pretty damn stunning. Exotic, about my height etc. That first study section she walked in and I immediately remembered her. Ok, a couple times, before we ever met, in lecture and in our section we made eye contact a few times. Then by dumb luck we ended up in a small group of 4 together to do some work on that first day. I caught her checking me out a little. I'm totally shy though. She did it again in lecture last week too. But, in my insecure head I'm thinking she maybe checked me out and wasn't interested or something. LOl, I know, seek help, huh?

Her name is really complex too. It's Tahirea or Tahea or something. Really pretty though. I know I'll butcher it if I say it to her, haha. But, she said she wants to do work to help people in South Asia when she graduates. I was totally impressed with that. I haven't gotten a chance to talk to her since. But, tomorrow after lecture I am going to try to summon the balls to just walk right up to her and strike up a conversation. Then ask her for coffee or something. I'd like to be blunt and compliment her somehow. I'm pretty successful on the rare occasion I do that. Tell her that she looks beautiful today or something. I need to get over this shyness quick before I end up old and bitter, lol.

I'm psyching myself up to be assertive. I lost a chance a few years ago with one of the best women I've ever met, because I was too chicken to go for her. I can't keep being like that you know? I am pretty confident in most aspects of my life too. I'm pretty outgoing around women a lot, I'm talkative, funny and so on, but when it comes time to close the deal. Cat gets my tongue. Not good. :)

Any advice would be cool though.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. Your plan sounds fine to me, my dear Wetzelbill!

Go for it! She's already noticing you...all you have to do is say what you're planning to say....

Don't worry about being nervous...having a nervous guy around is not a problem for most girls, I believe...

And you'll shed that quickly as you talk to her, and she responds to you...

Go for it! And let us know whatever details you feel like!

:loveya: :hug:

[Wetzelbill]

3. well since your twin teaches the class...

I should listen to your advice then. :)

[CaliforniaPeggy]

4. That's very sweet of you, my dear Wetzelbill...

Follow your heart, my dear...follow your heart....

:pals:

[Wetzelbill]

11. well, you're a peach my dear CP

Thanks for the advice. :)

[enigmatic]

2. Ask her out for coffee and get her talking

Let her talk to her heart's content, and listen to her. Fill in the gaps of the convo w/ your own experience, and keep the eye contact.

You''l do fine:)

[Wetzelbill]

5. I better not talk about pro wrestling huh?

I mentioned I liked 70s and 80s music in our group together and she looked at my like I was nuts, haha. First chink in the armor, Ted.

But I can live with that just as long as she doesn't try to stop me from listening to my tunes, you know?

Getting her to talk might be tough. She seems a little, maybe not quiet, but not too talkative. It may take a bit to get her going, but I think I can get the job done. We'll see. The biggest battle for me is finding the sand to approach women in the first place.

[enigmatic]

7. You can get her to open up

once she realizes you're focusing on her, trust me. That's all she needs to see. What kind of music does she like?

[Wetzelbill]

13. I don't think she said what she likes

We had to come up with certain topics that all four of us liked and after a few of us mentioned our musical tastes it was moot by the time it got to her. Attention. So that's what I got to do...focus on her. I better not psyche myself out by tomorrow, dammit!

[enigmatic]

16. Relax and focus

that's the key. Have a good time w/ her, and she'll respond in kind..

[Floogeldy]

6. I have often found this approach determinative:

"How about you and me get a couple 'o bottles of booze and rent a motel room?"

Anything else is wimpy. Be a man.

;)

[Wetzelbill]

9. jeez, I'd probably get shot

Actually, I have been most successful when I've been a drunken asshole. Normally, I'm not like that at all. But, when I'm a jerk just trying to get laid, I seem to do much better with women. It's been years since those days though. I'm pretty sober nowadays. :)

[Floogeldy]

15. I didn't say anything about drinking the booze.

Geez, you make a lot of assumptions.

;)

[Heidi]

19. Oh, well, in that case . .

as an ambiance item, a couple of bottles of booze would be really useful. :evilgrin:

[Floogeldy]

26. Dizackly!

It's defnilly the thought of getting drunk that can arouse curiosity.

I have no idea what that means.

;)

[Heidi]

14. A couple of bottles of booze as an aid is wimpy.

It increases the regret-to-pleasure ratio. :evilgrin:

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

8. Is her name Tahira?

I ask because you mentioned she'd like to help people in South Asia. Tahira is a Muslim name; one of my best friends is named Tahira.

I think you should take a chance and ask her out for coffee (or tea!). I asked my husband out; he's Pakistani and probably would have had an arranged marriage were it not for my intervention! Don't push her, but just continue on your confidently assertive course. Don't feel rejected if she turns out to be Muslim; she may have a whole other family dynamic going on.

I'm Muslim, by the way!

[Wetzelbill]

18. I remember you mentioning you were...

I think that would be cool if she was. I think it's a beautiful religion, I agree with virtually all of it, just that I am a Christian. I still consider Mohammed to be a great prophet, much in the way Muslims consider Jesus to be one.

It is a lot like Tahira, but it has an "ee-uh" sound in there somewhere. I think it is Tahirea, but I'm pretty bad with names. She has beautiful skin, almond-colored, she's from Tucson, but she probably has South Asian roots. She definitely is a different ethnicity. Quite exotic. If she has a different family dynamic, then I guess she does, I won't feel rejected because of it. I'm cool like that.

Thanks cool how you asked your husband out. I like that. :)

[khashka]

10. Just be yourself

You're a really cool great interesting guy.

Tell the truth. Ask her out. Tell her you have trouble pronouncing her name - if you smile while you do it, she'll probably be charmed.

Shyness can be sexy. Use it rather than let it use you. Admit your shyness to her, damn it! Some cool, self assured guy making a pass doesn't have the same impact as a shy guy taking his courage in his hands and asking "would you like to get a cup of coffee?"

Tell her what you have told us.

Best of luck, bro
Khash.

[enigmatic]

20. I completely agree with this

"Shyness can be sexy. Use it rather than let it use you. Admit your shyness to her, damn it! Some cool, self assured guy making a pass doesn't have the same impact as a shy guy taking his courage in his hands and asking "would you like to get a cup of coffee?"

Great point!

[Wetzelbill]

25. yeah Khash knows his

stuff. I'd have to agree on all of that too.

[Wetzelbill]

21. that is one thing I think

women like about me sometimes. I can use my shyness in a quite charming way. Yeah, I couldn't pull off the self-assured cocky thing, it just doesn't emanate from me like that. I'm pretty confident about most things, but I learned embrace my shyness here in the last year or so. Closing the deal is always the tough part. I always seem to end up being friends with women as a result when I had opportunities to be more, you know?

[khashka]

28. Closing the deal?

It's an odd and discomforting phrase...

You wanna make a connection with this girl? Or just get your hands in her panties? I'm cool with either, but...

Girls are not deals to be closed.

Also you complain about being friends with women rather than something more. True, that can be rough and it can hurt. (Trust me I know!) But, if you want more than a quick fuck, if you want something that matters, you start with friendship.

None of which is of any immediate help, is it? Just ask her out and be yourself. You are a great guy. So make sure she sees the real you.... there is no deal to be closed, no goal to be scored, no winners or losers. Ask her out...


Khash.
(was that too harsh?)

[Wetzelbill]

30. yeah I didn't know exactly how to put it

Not close the deal as in a one-night-stand or something. I mean starting out interested in someone, becoming friends and moving on to actually asking her out. I have trouble making that transition. I love my friends and usually that's all I was interested in , but a few times, I would have liked to have become a little more and I was to risk averse to go for it. Oh, I'm pretty much looking for something that matters. I'm not really interested in picking somebody up or anything. Been there and it doesn't do it for me. I always felt I am a better person than that. I have been celibate for a few years now too. So, I do practice what I preach. :) I had a one-nighter I wasn't too proud of and just changed my whole approach around because of it. The girl isn't the deal to be closed I should say, the way I mean it is that my actually going for it and taking that next step is the deal. Metaphorically, of course. If that makes any sense at all.

[khashka]

43. I see what you mean

and I was too harsh.

But I stick by my advice: be yourself, be honest. Just do that and women will see what a fine man you really are.

Your problem is everyone's problem. We all want to know how to make a deeper connection and sometimes it seems like everybody else has the answer. They don't.

I also advise you to open your eyes. There are probably women around you who find you fascinating but are in the same boat you are. Maybe not women who would automatically be your first choice.... until you get to know them better. It sounds trite and very "ABC Afterschool Special", but it's almost always true...



Khash.

[supernova]

12. Be open to whatever she presents

herself as.

She may or may not feel comfortable being her true self in front of you, initially. So be open to whatever she presents. Chicks really dig that.

[Wetzelbill]

22. yeah that's good advice...

I am open to that. That is kind of an ambigous and repetitive answer to what you said, but yeah, I love when women open up and be themselves. It is much more relaxing all around, you know?

[supernova]

23. You're a good man, Wetzelbill

:hug: Good luck with whatever happens. :hug:

[Wetzelbill]

31. hey thank you!

:)

[gmoney]

17. My one suggestion...

...don't tell her she looks beautiful at this point. You've mentioned a lot of things about her personality and goals that you like, so try to focus on those things when you speak with her initially and maybe through the first part of the coffee date. If she's as beautiful as you say, she won't be impressed hearing it again and you risk falling into the crowd of creeps that just hit on her because she's hot.

If you get through the first part of the coffee date without her mentioning a boyfriend, fiancee, betrothed husband, etc. tell her you want to take her out on a date and ask for a specific night when you want to get together. Make your intentions clear, but don't be obnoxious about it. If she says she's busy that night, ask what night she is available.

But don't listen to me... what do I know?

[Wetzelbill]

24. yeah I don't think I'm going to

run up to her and say it right off or anything. I think maybe more along the lines of complimenting her outfit or something, say she looks nice. I do plan to focus on what she said about her potential career and find out more about her and so on. But, yeah, I think the hardest part for me is making my intentions clear. I'm always so risk averse. I just need to assert myself on that part of it.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

27. Coffee is a great place to start...

I'm sure the opportunity will present itself for you to compliment her without rehearsing your lines. You just seem to have that knack...

Plus, if you enjoy your chat, and the subject turns to a movie you'd both like to see or a particular type of food you both enjoy, you'll have a perfect scenario for asking her out again...which would be the ultimate compliment.

Good luck! :beer:

[Wetzelbill]

29. so when do I get to bring some Guinness in on this?

:)

Actually, yeah, I think coffee would work well as a starting point. I'm not too good at this "dating" stuff. I'm pretty much a loner who does his own thing, however, I'm at the point in my life where I think I should go out and have more of a social life. Maybe move towards being more serious about finding someone here in the next few years and so on. Oh yeah, no rehearsed lines. I'd be like Jim Carrey from Dumb and Dumber if I did that. "I desperately want to make love with a schoolboy" haha. Not good. Good advice, thank you. :)

[Floogeldy]

33. Dating sucks!

It's so phoney and shallow and plastic.

Go for the tropical gold.

;)

[Wetzelbill]

34. hey when I engage in

locker room talk around here I nearly get my head taken off. So I cannot say certain things out loud. :) But, you know I've been taking notes on your comments all along, right?

[Lydia Leftcoast]

36. If she's Muslim--

--you can NEVER bring any Guinness into the picture. ;-)

[Wetzelbill]

37. damn, foiled again

:)

[Floogeldy]

32. You talk just like a girl.

:think:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

35. Woman, sugar...

;-)

[hobo_baggins]

38. Tahirea cha cha cha, Tahirea cha cha cha

that is all...

[Bassic]

39. Just be casual.

the way you have to figure it is you've got nothing to lose, so you don't need to be nervous.

[Madrone]

40. The guy I'm dating right now -

told me he was TERRIFIED to ask me out. Apparently it took some time for him to screw up the courage to do so. He called me and asked if I'd like to go out to dinner sometime - I said sure. The rest is history.

Seriously, DON'T be scared. If she's a rude bitch and laughs in your face, well *whew*! Thank god you got saved from that one! And that's the LEAST likely thing to happen. Worst case scenario from my viewpoint is she says no - for whatever reason. The word NO won't kill ya! ;)

Just do it!

[Left_Winger]

41. Good luck Bill

[RedCloud]

42. Sounds like you have good advice so far!

Maybe you can play on her sympathies.

"Do you think orphans can go out on dates with you?" (may require disowning parents)

Or the mumbling stuff could work:

"Wiwiwiwiwiwiwilllllll will yououououou you lalalalalalalalike to goooooo out wiiwiwiwiwiwiiwth me?"

Or if she does look beautiful that day when you tell her, try to avoid this:

"You look beautiful today. What happened?"

or this:

"You look like a million bucks, my dear. But then again I have never seen a million bucks. Ergo, you look like something I have never seen before."

You did say any advice would be cool, I hope.

[HEyHEY]

44. Turn around and run! Run far away!

That's the best advice I can give you.

[Aristus]

45. Go for it, bro! I'm excited for you.

Treat her right, and be a gentleman. I'm sure she'll be crazy about you. :thumbsup:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

46. Well?

We're all waiting to hear... :)