My mother has Alzheimer's

[Modem Butterfly]

She and I were talking a few minutes ago while my partner and my dad were outside with our dogs. I was on-line looking up directions to the restaurant we're going to tonight. My mother just kind of casually told me as we were talking about her mother, who had Alzheimer's and suffered terribly before she died. I asked my mother why she told me like that and she said, "They told me before we went on vacation. You're the first person I've told. It's not like I've had a lot of practice and this is the first chance we've had to be alone," Then my dad and partner came in with the dogs. Mom went upstairs to get her purse and I'm supposed to be printing directions and shutting down.

Fuck.

[peacefreak]

1. Cherish her good moments.

She is a woman of great courage to tell you. Obviously she loves & trusts you very much.

[Radio_Lady]

34. My best girlfriend from college is married to a 60 something

husband who has had it for nine years or so.

We spent some time with him -- I don't know how she does it. He was just like a child -- had to be reminded where the car was parked and that we would get it in the morning.

So sad. My heart goes out to you -- be strong.

[flamingyouth]

2. I'm so sorry

:hug:

[salinen]

3. My Mom is in the final stage

sorry.

[Wetzelbill]

12. that's too bad

I'm sorry and my sympathies.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

4. I'm sorry to hear that

but treasure the fact that she told you. Many don't have any kind of intimate bond with their parents. Of course, having that bond will make this all the harder to take. Just focus on each moment, on what she can do today.

My step father died last September. He had Stage 3 Alzheimers.

[Fenris]

5. You have my sympathies.

:hug:

[blondeatlast]

6. Our hearts are with all of you, MB.

:hug:

[unhappycamper]

7. It's tough.

For the last few years, my mom either didn't know me or thought she was talking to my dad. It really blew me away the first time it happened.

Remember her as she was - she will always love you.

[u4ic]

8. I'm so sorry...

:hug:

[joneschick]

9. hugs,

my MIL was 'diangosed' about a year ago. It's very difficult watching a woman who so prized her intellect lose her capacities. She is taking some meds that do help, but I don't know what they are. Come around for hugs anytime. We could probably do a living with Alzheimers support group here.
kj

[jody]

10. Bless you because you have tough times ahead - been there, done that. n/t

[Wetzelbill]

11. that's tough

Stay strong, love her with all your heart and cherish every moment that you have.

[sleipnir]

13. Perhaps it isn't too late....many advances are being made right now.

It looks as if the damage may be reversable. As always, we must petition Congress to overturn GWB's stem cell lunacy. It seems as if they are on the verge of a breakthrough. What wonderful news that would be, to hear that we have defeated such an ugly monster as Alzheimer's.

Best of wishes to your mother. May we find a cure soon.

[katinmn]

28. Medication can now slow the advance of AD, but it's not reversible.

Sorry, but that's the truth.

I'm sorry Modem that you had to learn this news. It sounds like your mom is a brave woman.

[sleipnir]

30. That may not be true.

Just over 48 hours ago, there may be evidence that early Alzheimer's may be reversable.

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Tests on mice suggest the brain damage caused by Alzheimer's disease may be at least partly reversible, researchers reported Thursday.

Their genetically altered mice regained the ability to navigate mazes after the genes that caused their dementia were de-activated.

This suggests that the brain damage caused by Alzheimer's is not permanent, they wrote in their report, published in the journal Science.

"I was astonished. I didn't believe the results when I saw them," said Alzheimer's researcher Karen Ashe of the University of Minnesota, who led the study.


http://today.reuters.co.uk/news/NewsArticle.aspx?type=scienceNews&storyID=2005-07-14T180349Z_01_N14707626_RTRIDST_0_SCIENCE-HEALTH-ALZHEIMERS-DC.XML

[katinmn]

32. It's true. Genetically altered mice are a big leap from humans

As the article admitted after the breathless (and irresponsible) announcement of a cure..."She noted that it is a long way from treating a mouse to treating a person."

[HysteryDiagnosis]

53. It's surprising how long it has taken them to figure out that the

human body regenerates DAILY... and that practically all damage has the potential to be reversed... ESPECIALLY damage done by DEGENERATIVE CONDITIONS.

[Bumblebee]

14. Show her how special she is to you

that's the best gift you can give her. Your mother is a courageous woman. To hear the news and behave in such a dignified and stoic manner is remarkable.

[Modem Butterfly]

59. I think she's still in shock.

[arwalden]

15. I'm Very Sorry To Hear About That...

... it's going to be tough... and heartbreaking. Much love to you and your mom! -- Allen

[Spinzonner]

16. Have your family look into the drugs now available

They are not cures but delay the onset of symptoms and prolong functionality. There are various mechanisms involved and different side effects so don't necessarily give up if one doesn't produce worthwhile improvement.

It sounds like she might be fairly early so she may have some options open as new drugs and discoveries come up.

And, as long as your family can manage, keep her out of nursing facilites. My mother died at one recently with ALzheimers though she had only a moderate case. She had a series of infections that she never did at home with me caring for her and the last one killed her.

[watercolors]

22. YES , please check out drug available

my sister was quite bad, and recently was put on one, she is doing so much better. I am actually able to hold a good conversation with her on the phone. We don't know how long it will last, but we are thankful to have her back to her cheerful self.

[Tallison]

43. How old is she and how is her general physical health?

Both factors affect the course of AD and the degree to which it manifests itself cognitively. Best wishes to your family.

[Modem Butterfly]

58. She's in her mid-60's with no health problems

[BikeWriter]

17. Oh, my Dear! I'm so sorry!

[TNDemo]

18. I'm so sorry and I have so BTDT.

My mother (in her 50s), her mother and my FIL all got it simultaneously. Coventina is another one on this board who went through it at the same time I did. Coming to grips with the diagnosis was the hardest part for me. Actually accepting that she had a disease was incredibly difficult and I had to shift so much of my thinking. The thing that I think is so great is that your mother chose to tell you and in a rational way. My mother refused to admit there was anything wrong with her - it was always someone else's fault if she forgot or whatever. You had to walk on eggshells because the 800 pound elephant in the room was that everyone knew she had it and she refused to confirm that in any fashion. It was a long hard ride and it is never easy but it sounds like your mother will be easier to work with. Maybe she can actually do the useful and needed things like sign a power of attorney and living will and tell you what she wants for the future. I think Leeza Gibbons mother did their family such a great favor when she went out, picked out the facility she wanted to go to, told them that she was currently in her right mind, wanted them to know that that is what she wanted them to do and to not feel guilty about putting her there and when she cried and asked them to take her home it would be the disease talking and not what she really thinks. Godspeed to you all.

[Coventina]

44. What TNDemo said. & PM me if you ever need a shoulder

Dementia is IMO, the very worst affliction.

After having gone through it for ten years with my mother, I will eat the barrel to save my family what it has already gone through once, (should I inherit the disease).

You are probably feeling overwhelmed right now, so I won't overload you with advice. But I just want to give one piece: Don't be afraid to ask for help. Whatever help you need. Explore every possibility. Government, charities, co-ops, friends, neighbors and relatives. Caring for a dementia patient is not something you can do on your own.

:hug:

[ulysses]

19. really sorry, Modem

:hug:

[LaurenG]

20. I am so sorry nt

[SillyGoose]

21. I'm so sorry, Modem Butterfly

I recently lost my mother to Alzheimer's.

:hug:

[roguevalley]

23. I am so very, very sorry. Put your pain to good use and lobby for

stem cell research. Things are being learned, honey. All is not lost. Hug your mom and dad. I feel so sad to hear this.

[lumberingbear]

24. So sorry Modem

I will be putting my mother in the nursing home in a few weeks. I have taken care of her 24/7 for the last 3 years. She is 92 and is close to needing more help than I can do on my own.

[caty]

25. Our thoughts are with you.

Remember, we are to "listen" whenever you need us.:hug:

[Lydia Leftcoast]

26. That's a horrible thing to have to hear

I'm sorry. :hug:

[Bullwinkle925]

27. Sorry MB - It's really a difficult moment for everyone concerned when

you learn this kind of news. There is never any way to prepare for it. I certainly hope your mother will be able to benefit from the emerging drugs for Alzheimers - and of course I certainly hope the Congress will be able to get a Stem-Cell bill through and over-ride DumbAss's veto.
Our thoughts will be with you.

:hug:

[Wapsie B]

29. I am so sorry.

[ScreamingMeemie]

31. Oh Modem...I am so very sorry.

How difficult that must be for you, and how hard it had to have been for your mom to tell you. You and your mom and dad will be in my thoughts. There are many wonderful treatments out there. They lengthened my grandfather's cognizant life.

:hug: :loveya:

~~Laura

[XNASA]

33. I'm sorry to hear that.

My mom has struggled with AD for the past 5 years. She's in her final stage now.

Don't hesitate to PM me if you'd like.

Take care.

[GreenPartyVoter]

35. I am so sorry *hugs*

[GardeningGal]

36. How long will she be with you?

If you have more time with her on this visit, I would suggest that you make a list of some of the interesting things you want to talk to her about. Also anything you want to know about but never had the chance to discuss. Then get a tape recorder and have a conversation that you can listen to when she is no longer able.

I mention this because six weeks before my mother passed on unexpectedly, I had a conversation with her about being a flight nurse in WWII and got some specifics that we (my siblings and I) had never known before. We shared some of those memories at her memorial and it was just by chance that I had started the conversation and actually had the thought to make notes. I wish I had it tape recorded.

[driver8]

39. That is a great idea, Gardening Gal...I wish I would have done that

with my grandmother. She suffered with Alzheimer's for several years and it would have been nice to have some of her stories on tape.

[Modem Butterfly]

55. That's a great idea. Thanks!

[AAARRRGGGHHH]

37. God bless, MB

My prayers and sympathies are with you. I am sorry.

[likesmountains 52]

38. There was a really great personal account in Harpers Magazine

several years ago that dealt with all of the emotions involved in having a parent with Alzheimer's...try to find it in the archives..it will touch on every emotion you will be facing..

[progmom]

40. oh sweetie.

oh. :hug:

i don't know what to say. :hug:

[driver8]

41. I'm so sorry to hear that. Alzheimer's is a cruel disease. My

grandmother suffered with it for seven years. It got to the point where we had to laugh at some of the things she said or we would have all gone crazy.

While growing up, I never heard my grandmother curse -- maybe once. When she was in the nursing home with Alzheimer's, she came out with some language that would make a sailor blush. It was sad, but it cracked us all up at the same time...kept us from crying.

I told my wife if I start showing signs of Alzheimer's, before it gets too bad I want her to give me a bottle of sleeping pills and a big glass of vodka. Put me to bed and say goodnight...

Sending hugs and good thoughts your way...

[caty]

42. Find out if there is an Alzheimer's support group

in your area. They can be of great help, support, and information that will help all of you.

[TNDemo]

45. A couple of movie recommendations.

The Forgetting: A Portrait of Alzheimer's and Complaints of a Dutiful Daughter. I found these helpful. You are early in the disease so it might be a little scary right now but there will come a time when you will probably want to share the experience of others.

[Modem Butterfly]

56. I took care of my grandmother when she had Alzheimer's

So I've been there before. Those are good recommendations though. Thanks.

[Midlodemocrat]

46. I'm so very sorry.

My dad had it, but passed due to complications from diabetes before he got too sick from it.

[Mutley]

47. I'm so sorry!

:hug: You are all in my thoughts.

[indigo32]

48. I'm sorry

:hug:

[bettyellen]

49. omigosh i'm sorry, that's awful

is she taking aricept? that helped bring my mom around a bit for two years. and i treasure those two years. it's always heartbreaking to see loved ones suffer.

[elehhhhna]

50. oh honey, i'm so sorry.

[tibbir]

51. Wow. That's a huge load on all of you.

Like a lot of people have said, treasure your time you still have together with her and good luck.

[HysteryDiagnosis]

52. Modem.... may I send you an email.... it is important... all kidding

aside.

[AuntieM1957]

54. Family with Alzheimer's

My grandmother (97) has it, and I see some signs in my mother.

What helped me was to learn about the disease, and frankly what I could do to keep from developing it. Diet, exercise, etc.

Sorry if anyone thinks that sounds selfish - but once you've watched someone you love go through it - you definitely don't want to walk that road. And rest assured they wouldn't want you to either.

The puzzling part of dealing with a family member afflicted is that sometimes they're fine. Those are precious days - but they make the bads ones crueler.

Hard not to feel disappointed and frustrated. When it's someone you don't live with daily - a little trepidation, too.

Before each visit, I mentally prepare myself to deal with 'whomever' I find there. Sometimes, my dear sweet grandmother. Others, an agitated woman who is angry at being abandoned.

I'm sorry that you have to go through this - and hope you find guidance. It's not easy.

[Modem Butterfly]

57. Her mother had it

My mom has taken all kinds of advice. Some things just can't be helped, I guess.

Thank-you for your response.

[Shell Beau]

60. That has to be one of the most emotionally

painful diseases. It affects so many people. I hope you cherish the moments you have. This must be devastating. I am sorry! :hug:

[MadHound]

61. I am so sorry to hear this

My grandmother had Alzheimers, and it isn't a good way to go. I hate to say it, but this is going to effect all of you. You are going to have to be the prop for both your mother and father, and your partner is going to have to be the prop for you. If you have other family members, enlist them in this effort now, for you will need them.

I hope that your mother has long term care insurance now, for at some point she will need it. In the latter stages of Alzheimers, home care is simply not an option.

Start with treatment on this now, you can prolong the time period where you mother is relatively lucid and cognizant. And whatever you do, cherish every single minute of lucidity you folks have left.

Your mother's most recent memories are the ones that will go first. Where she placed her shoes, etc. etc. Then will come memories from a year ago, five, ten, etc. Please understand, Alzheimer's is a VERY frustrating disease for the victim, and as her memory goes, it is quite likely your mother will get quite irritable and stubborn, which in turn is going to make your life hell. I know it will be hard in the heat of the moment to understand this, but always, always, when your Mom is starting to get on your last nerve, learn to step back, count to ten, and realize that your Mom is probably twenty times more angry at herself than at you, and that it isn't her fault.

And build up your support network. These are going to be some trying times for you. One of the worst moments if when you look in the eyes of your loved one, and realize that they no longer know you. You are going to need love and hugs, and someplace to vent. If your own circle of friends and family isn't enough, I'm sure that there are local Alzheimer's support groups that are available. Also, make sure that your Mom gets a living will now, while she still can.

I am really really sorry that you're going to have to go through with this. You've got lots of people here that can help you through, whether it be with experience or just being somebody to vent to. So don't hesitate to PM or post when you need to, OK. :hug:

[Modem Butterfly]

62. Thank-you to everyone for your kind responses

This was a very difficult weekend for me. I did not feel comfortable discussing it with anyone else while my parents were visiting (they've since left). My mother promised me she'd break the news to my father in a more gentle manner. I hope to hear some medical updates from her as soon as she and dad return to Oregon. Again, thanks for your support. It has really meant a lot to me.

[dback]

63. Treasure every moment you have with her, and PLAY MUSIC

Music is one of the strongest connectors for folks with Alzheimers; ask for her favorite songs, make a list, and try to play them for her often.

All my sympathies.

[Chicago Democrat]

64. Please consider these medicines...

I only do this because US doctors just dont know about it...


Piracetam and Deprynal... EU and Soviet drugs, cheap, very safe, worth looking into.


http://www.antiaging-systems.com/


Many articles and VERY PROMISING DRUGS besides those two.


Life is like a long slow goodbye.