|
To: All those descendents of the Pilgrims.
Greetings;
As we close down October and head into the holiday seasons I would like say that even after all these years we who brought the food still feel some pride in the fact we helped you during those first years and like the idea that we shared our food with you. Even though you could have shown a bit more gratitude in the later years by not stealing “ALL” of our land, we still feel good about that first Thanksgiving.
What this is really about, even at this late date, is to clear the air of a little piece of business. Before it goes any further we need to explain something about that first Thanksgiving. You know that bird that has become the symbol of the Thanksgiving dinner? Yea, the one that comes frozen and causes everyone to go to sleep. Well, the fact is it was a joke. We never intended for you to eat that stinky bird. One of the hunters had found it the day before and thought it would be hilarious to present it at the feast. Never in our wildest imagination did we suspect that your ancestors would be so dog-ass hungry that they would actually eat the nasty thing. Have you ever really looked at the damn thing in the wild, it is one butt-ugly sucker.
So please accept this apology for a bad joke gone wrong and please for the love of God quit eating the damn thing. It almost makes me puke to think of your women poking their hands up its frozen ass and pulling out all those plastic packets full of disgusting organs and then proceeding to make that foul (no pun intended) gravy. I really think the joke has gone far enough.
Thank you.
|