Am I wrong to feel this way?

[Texasgal]

This past Saturday night it was my good friends birthday. We celebrated by going out to dinner and the theater to catch a local comedy troupe.

The show was over around midnight, we were walking to our car in the downtown area when my friends husband shrieked " LOOK! There's a Coyote ugly bar!" I couldn't understand what all the excitement was about, I found out later that there was a movie called "Coyote Ugly" based on a bar where the women ( Bartenders and patrons ) danced on top of the bar.

So... our group goes in the bar, the first thing I notice are these 3 scantily clad women dancing very suggestively on the bar and squirting each other with the water nozzle used to pour drinks with, they were dancing and rubbing their bosoms together all to the delight of a mainly male college age crowd.

I observed some of the women in the crow and noticed that there were 3 "brides to be" in the bar. They were all wearing decorated veils. I assumed that this was their bachelorette parties. Anyway... these ladies were all invited to come up and dance on top of the bar, they all made it up there and they all looked like they were having fun.

This is where I am conflicted, the bartendress poured shots for these ladies and they were supposed to get down on their knees and pick the shots up in their mouths and drink them, but not before the bartendress shouted over a microphone that the count of 3 the crowd was to scream " GO DOWN ON IT BITCH" and then when they had the shot glass in their mouths on the count of 3 we were to scream " SWALLOW IT, BITCH! "

This is where I am conflicted. While no one forced these ladies to do such a thing, I felt almost embarrassed and hurt for these ladies. I felt as though they were all being exploited in some weird sexual way. I am certainly no prude, I have no problem with titty bars or women dancing suggestively. I just felt dirty after being in there and watching these ladies being degraded in front of a crowd of drunken frat brats.

We finally left after much groaning from me, my friends made fun of me all the Way to the car, telling me I am too much of a feminist and that I should calm down and take things for what they are.

Am I wrong to have felt sorrow for these women?

[arcane1]

1. sadly, that's the way we raise boys nowadays

ordering women around and insulting them is back in style again :puke:

[WeRQ4U]

5. I agree, but don't lay blame only on the male members of society

These women were not forced to do this. Both genders deserve a good talking to. We have BOTH regressed.

[arcane1]

11. indeed, agreed 100% n/t

[gmoney]

13. "sadly, that's the way we raise girls nowadays"

I'd bet $100 those "brides to be" (or their "maids of honor") knew what they were getting themselves into when they walked in the bar, and unless I misread the OP, it was the FEMALE bartender doing the ordering. I'm not saying it's right, or classy, or anything. But it takes two to tango, so to speak...

I'm reminded of the South Park "Paris Hilton" episode...

[arcane1]

18. true

I was mainly referring to the "mainly male college age crowd"

[GreenArrow]

2. feelings are niether wrong nor right

they simply are. It sounds crass, ugly, degrading and stupid to me.

[NoSheep]

3. I would also be conflicted. Couldn't they have left out the "bitch" part?

:-(

[Lars39]

4. It would be a cold day in hell before I'd say or do that.

and I don't go for the "make it your own so it loses it's meaning" crap, either.

[tjdee]

6. And the women did it? How stupid are they?!

I don't know that they're being exploited when they voluntarily did an asshat thing like that. I would never, EVER do that. Ever.

I think you're completely right to be disgusted--just shows how desensitized people are. I'm wondering if a similar scenario could/would happen to men at a bar. Doubt it.

[Texasgal]

7. Oh yeah... I totally agree.

The exploitation comes from the culture of the bar. Seriously, I guess they thought it was okay to do such a thing in that type of environment.

[readmylips]

8. My neighbor's bridal shower power was worse....

All women went to a local bar but it was not a private party. Anybody could join in. The bride was placed down on top of the bar, legs spread out, drink after drink was placed between her legs and the men in the crowd went down between her crotch, placed their mouths on the glass and made sexual acts to the glass, then drank the drink from between her legs. I was horrified. It was as if she was being gang raped and she loved it.

Her mom (and grandma) walked in started screaming and crying of embarrassment. I walked out and didn't even attend her stupid wedding.

[MissB]

9. Klassy. (nt)

[Texasgal]

10. Oh myyyyyyyyyyyy.

Are you serious? Man.....

[tjdee]

12. Ewww

Wow.

[supernova]

14. No, you're not wrong

That's just gross, not sexy.

[proud2BlibKansan]

15. I felt the same way

on Bourbon Street in New Orleans. It just repulsed me.

[CornField]

16. Flip that coin to the other side

Years ago, the only women allowed in a bar were whores. Years ago, if a woman dared to tell a man to drink from between her legs or order a man around in any fashion, that woman would be dead.

While I wouldn't act the way some of the women in this thread have acted, I refuse to fault them for their behavior. My mother and grandmother fought for the voices of all women -- including those who act dumber than a box of rocks. ;)

[Texasgal]

19. While I agree somewhat...

Women in general have been exploited sexually for eons as well.

I have a hard time understanding how it might be empowering to a women to have men ogle them in a bar while having sexually explicit things yelled at you. That doesn't equal girl power in my opinion.

On edit: Cannot spell

[CornField]

20. I agree that it doesn't equal 'girl power' -- it's just plain ole power

Or, at the very least, a plain ole power trip. For some people (male and female) the very act of ordering another human to do something that most would find demeaning is a turn on, both emotionally and physically.

While I don't condone the act itself, I applaud the thinking behind it. How many times do you think a male has sat in a corner or on a chair and ordered the women around him to do things? Why shouldn't women also be allowed control in similar situations?

BTW, it wasn't just the women on the bar with the shots... it was also a powerful/controlling experience for the barmaids who ordered the women to do it. It was a powerful/controlling experience for some of the women in the audience to command the women to do it. For all we know, it could have been a somehow tremendously liberating experience for the women drinking too.

I guess there are two avenues of thought when it comes to feminism: the needs of the one and the needs of the many. Perhaps this is where our thinking on the subject differs. I tend to bring feminism to the personal level, but many of my female friends think on it from a societal level.

[Texasgal]

25. While I understand what you are saying

I am still having a hard time understanding how this situation could equal girl power...

Human power? Maybe... I myself just found it quite demeaning. I doubt we would be seeing MEN up on that bar with other MEN screaming sexual crap at them.

Please... don't get me wrong.. I love men... seriously. I just didn't feel good about this situation.

I do understand what you are saying however, but when women stop getting raped, exploited and used for their sexuality I might feel different.

[deutsey]

17. I wouldn't be conflicted. I would be repulsed by the scene and leave.

[roguevalley]

21. No. You were right. I would like these yahoos to put their sisters or

wives on the bar and listen to others do the same thing, with their mother standing next to them. Pigs. And the dancers? Cows.

[the_spectator]

22. You are so NOT wrong!

And I'm a man, and not a gigantic feminist either.

Let me also say that I don't think this is how "We raise boys" or "we raise girls" these days -- its how gangsta rap raises girls and boys these days: just yet another reason to legalize drugs. The moment you do that, you drain the money and the power from "street" culture and in no time, the recording artists who celebrate that culture will lose all the "cred" or "realness" they ever had.

[Hell Hath No Fury]

23. No, you are not wrong to feel sorrow for those women.

I have always wondered if what Susan B. and the other suffragettes were fighting for was the right for a women to flash her tits at spring break. :eyes:

How sad that these young women have had the misfortune to believe that "freedom" and "equality" means only the freedom and equality to be as sexual as a man. And not only in the most positive ways.

To me, "freedom" and "equality" are not worth much without "respect" thrown into the mix.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

24. 3 brides to be partying in a straight guy-oriented dive?

Methinks it was staged.

If I was the bachelorette party type, and I must admit I'm not, I'd be hanging out with scantily-clad male dancers, NOT in some sleazeball joint where my husband to be would like to take me.

[Texasgal]

26. No kidding!

Pretty shocking.

The area that we were in here in Austin was the famed 6th street. This is a whole street with bars and more bars. It's a huge college hangout as well as a huge music venue.

I didn't find it shocking that the "brides to be" were hanging around 6th street... dancing on the bar while drunken frat brats screamed sexually explicit bullshit is what got to me!

[ismnotwasm]

27. stupid

Bet they didn't brag about it the next morning. People do idiot things when intoxicated. And as far as being 'too much of a feminist' ask your friends what they think of the pseudo-liberated little high school girls having the sexual freedom to give indescriminate head behind seven/elevens. Jesus we still have a lot of work to do.

[Bok_Tukalo]

28. Not wrong.

Everyone is different.

This is an example of youth and fun and being desired and comical release of sexual tension.

They are getting married and soon the crab grass and the take-out-the-garbage and the soccer and mini-van and the day to day will be here.

Lighten up.

[Orsino]

29. You're always within your rights to leave.

That doesn't make you "too much" of a feminist.