Heavy thinking-A cautionary tale (humor)

[NMMNG]

It started out innocently enough.
I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up.
Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.
I began to think alone -- to relax, I told myself -- but I knew it wasn't true.
Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.
That was when things began to sour at home.
One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life.
She spent that night at her mother's.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself.
I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka.
I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, What is it exactly we are doing here?
One day the boss called me in.
He said, Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find anoth er job.
This gave me a lot to think about.
I came home early after my conversation with the boss.
Honey, I confessed, I've been thinking...
I know you've been thinking, she said, and I want a divorce
But Honey, surely it's not that serious.
It is serious, she said, lower lip aquiver. You think as much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money
That's a faulty syllogism, I said impatiently.
She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama.
I'm going to the library, I snarled as I stomped out th e door.
I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors...
They didn't open. The library was closed.
To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.
Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye.
Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life? it asked.
You probably recognize that line.
It comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster.
Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting.
At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was Porky's. Then we share experiences about how we
avoided thinking since the last meeting.
I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home.
Life just seemed...easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.
I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.
Today, I registered to vote as a Republican


http://groups.msn.com/DIStheFUNCTIONALADVICE/inthenews.msnw?action=get_message&mview=0&ID_Message=8093&LastModified=4675523921786937279&all_topics=1

[hfojvt]

1. college professors make very good money

or so I hear. My former roommate's daughter is going to Princeton, and not because he teaches there. I could kick myself for not getting my PhD. What was I thinking?

And my daddy said 'son, you're going to drive me to thinkin' if you don't start joinin' the party. of. Lincoln.'

[NMMNG]

2. College professor's salaries

Earnings for college faculty vary according to rank and type of institution, geographic area, and field. According to a 2002-03 survey by the American Association of University Professors, salaries for full-time faculty averaged $64,455. By rank, the average was $86,437 for professors, $61,732 for associate professors, $51,545 for assistant professors, $37,737 for instructors, and $43,914 for lecturers. Faculty in 4-year institutions earn higher salaries, on average, than do those in 2-year schools. In 2002-03, average faculty salaries in public institutions—$63,974—were lower than those in private independent institutions—$74,359—but higher than those in religiously affiliated private colleges and universities—$57,564.

From: http://stats.bls.gov/oco/ocos066.htm

Now is $37k-$86k a good salary? I guess it all depends on who you talk to...

[hfojvt]

3. $86k puts you very close to the top quintile

Which is 'easy street' considering I was making $12k last year, and doing much more unpleasant work. $37k is almost twice what I make now, and they get summers off too, plus tenure and upward mobility. Sign me up!

[NMMNG]

4. $86k is a poopload more than what I'm making for sure

And I work two full-time jobs.

I should have gone into some business exploiting people for profit and made something of myself instead of wasting my life in human services.:sarcasm: