AP: White House asks all media to cease releasing "facts"

[JackDragna]

AP (Washington) - The White House today asked all media sources to retract printing anything that might be considered as fact on the grounds that facts raise the ire of our enemy and put our troops in danger.

"It's completely irresponsible," said Scott McClellan, White House press secretary, during a Thursday meeting with reporters. "The best way of giving aid and comfort to terrorists and generate unfounded ill will toward America abroad is to publish anything that in any way is an accurate representation of reality. The war on terror can only be hurt by accurate, truthful statements about the world."

Similar sentiments were expressed by President Bush during a speech at a steel wool manufacturing plant in Hoboken, New Jersey.

"What are facts? They're just information about how the world really is," according to the president. "What we need right now is a carefully fabricated fantasyland for America and the rest of the world to live in, where democracy can be forced on nations at the point of a gun, Social Security is in jeopardy and the Republican party is not at the whim of Bible-beating whackos. Anything else and we only give aid and comfort to the enemies of America, who are driven more desperate and angry everyday by factual accounts of how we're managing to screw everything up. All true Americans, including Americans who may be from England or maybe even France or China, must denounce the over-emphasis of living in the real world by college professors, Democrats and the non-chemically-imbalanced."

In addition to stressing the need for accepting his fallacious worldview, President Bush announced it was now mandatory for Americans to believe clouds could think, plastic is edible, Australia is run by talking kangaroos and steel wool plant workers are full of gold coins. The carefully-selected pro-Bush audience cheered, then proceeded to massacre the plant workers as the president looked on approvingly.

[still_one]

1. OK, thanks, I will try to follow the orders

[Jack Rabbit]

2. !!

:thumbsup:

[KitchenWitch]

3. OK, the Media will now only release lies and innuendo

thanks for playing...

[thecai]

4. Facts Like "Bush Is A Lying War President Who Causes Multitudes"

..."of innocent lives lost"? Or "Bush is unjust, corrupt, and dangerous"?
I don't blame the WH for requesting the media suppress the facts, in THAT case!

[welshTerrier2]

5. Bananas ...

"Furthermore, all children under 16 years old are now...16 years old!"

- General Exposito, from Woody Allen's Bananas.

[rwenos]

6. And Remember -- You are Being Watched

Like that Alabama Congressman who accused Bill Maher of "treason" for suggesting publicly that the Army is having trouble recruiting young guys to die in the desert.

Duh.

[thecai]

8. Yep. Too Bad, So Sad

If telling the truth is wrong, I don't want to be right.

[Redstone]

7. That's damned funny. Thanks for posting it.

Redstone