So I tried out this highly rated tanning creme...

[Deja Q]

Been 5 hours and I'm still as white as ever; results were supposed to appear by 2~3 hours.

I wonder if I can return it... I refuse to pay money for something that doesn't work. (pity I can't do that at the pharmacist's office; I'd get HUNDREDS back on bullshit psych pills that never did any good because I didn't have the condition attributed to me... fucking bandits, the pill poppers' industry...)

[ClintonTyree]

1. Write the company....

and complain. I've gotten everything from free airfares to 5 Crest Spin brushes just for complaining about bad products. Companies will usually bend over backwards to please you. Make sure you have a legitimate complaint though, no fingers in the chili, please.

[supernova]

2. You might have to experiment

to find one that works for you.

I've been using a bronzer lotion that works pretty well the past 2 or 3 weeks. And I need very little to look a little tan. It's very rich.

[havocmom]

3. When I put on tanning creme, my hands get a nice, healthy bronze color

even if I can still read by the glow of my palid paddy legs.

[Straight Shooter]

4. I tried one that works and it looks good

Bain de Soleil, Streakguarde Foam. I got it in the medium and needed to apply two coats, and then I got the dark version and used one coat. It isn't a deep dark tan, but it gives just enough color.

Try it. Be sure to exfoliate with a body scrub first, and remember to let the foam dry thoroughly before putting your clothes on :)

edit: curses, spelling