Passive Aggressive Programming: Apparently I'm not the only one

[Ratty]

Passive Aggressive people really annoy me. I have to work with them daily and I just wish they'd come right out and say what's on their minds. The worst thing is you can't rebut them, which is of course why they do it. You have to try and tease their sentences apart and ask them what they meant by it and it drags on and gets ugly ... it's not worth it and they know it.

Recently I've been coming across some interesting comments in programming code written by others. These are often very domain-specific and difficult to explain to others but often they take the form of "if you want to enable this pointless and stupid feature this is how you do it." Or "you can enable this and such clunky wizard if your users are too retarded to figure out even the basics themselves." Naturally, in typical passive aggressive fashion, these comments aren't as blatant as I have depicted, but that's what they amount to if interpreted properly.

I guess I have been doing this too. Who knew I was PA? In documentation that people actually read I'm quite circumspect, I never come right and say things but I manage to take subtle jabs at things. Java, Microsoft software, the Unix mindset, all of my favorite targets get their due and the fun is crafting things so that they whiz right past the heads of most people but those in the know will crack a tiny smile. That's the fun. Today I referred to a decision made by a standards body as being crafted by a "small cadre" and thus it is supported here. Earlier I asked why anybody in their right minds would use Microsoft IIS, but if they do here is the grotesque hack that will make things work.

Embedded deep deep within code that nobody will ever read I'm downright nasty and borderline obscene. Someday it's going to get me into trouble. Maybe I'll be retired by then.

So I've heard of Extreme Programming but I've never heard of passive Aggressive Programming. Have I coined new term?

[benburch]

1. PAP

And really badly done PAP is a PAP Smear!

[crispini]

2. LOL. Well, I have practiced

Passive Aggressive QA in the past. A project manager made me QA some skeevy code from somebody else's company. In order to convey the depths of my dissatisfaction with the assignment, I sent him a seperate email reporting each and every single bug. Mwhahahahahaha!

[trotsky]

3. PA behavior is a direct result of modern society.

We all have our PA moments, shit I sure do. You're put in this little box, told "this is what you do" and if you dare question whatever mundane pointless task you're given, you're put in your place. The frustration has to vent somewhere, better to have it go thru this kind of stuff than bottle it up and have it become another workplace shooting.

[TrogL]

4. We don't tolerate that in our workplace

If you haven't done a full-blown rant/tantrum in a staff meeting at least once a month, you're not doing your job.

[Ratty]

5. That's the ONLY thing staff meetings are good for

That and the excuse to legitimately make fun of coworkers after it's done!

[havocmom]

11. Damn, didn't know there were any healthy work places left!

A good manager knows the power of positive nonsense and the power of safe vent zones. A really good manager is not afraid to institute both as policy.

[nini]

6. The WORST offenders are those who don't want you looking too close

comments in code can be quite amusing but I have found the real snarky comments are from the worst programmers when it comes to real efficient code. Maybe they think by making the reader feel stupid they wouldn't delve deeper.

We've had the attacks on 'decisions' from mktg etc.. in ours. Those are usually pretty funny.

[Ratty]

7. I can see that

The best programmers realize exactly what comments are for and what they are not for. I imagine they consider them as integral a part as the code itself. I've never considered myself a particularly great programmer, I just manage to muddle along and get the job done, and try not to make things TOO awful for the guy who will come along after me.

[nini]

9. My biggest fault is I don't comment enough

but at my job I'm the only that has done what I do for about 4 years. it's made me lazy when it comes to commenting. The systems/tool guys are pretty good though.

[BrewerJohn]

8. I found one of these

Working with some licensed library code for a special-purpose processor, I came across this comment in a section supporting an option the vendor company officially discouraged: "Someone foolish might want to do this, so we'll support it correctly". That applied to me, as it happened.

Later we updated to a newer version of the code, and looking through it I found that the programmer had probably been taken to task for potentially insulting the customers, but did the smallest positive change possible. In this version, it read "Someone foolishly might want..."

[Ratty]

12. That's a pretty good one

I'm always going back and desnarkifying comments after thinking better of it. Still, it feels kind of good having done it in the first place, even if I go back later on.

[dhinojosa]

10. You mean like this?

/*
*
* It doesn't matter anyways, if they want to shoot them
* selves in the foot so be it. I wonder what kind of shit
* is commented in DieBold election programs. Maybe nasty stuff
* about Democrats like:
* John Kerry Sucks Ass, he may win, but we'll make him lose!
*
* @return nothing of value
*
*/

public void screwEm() {

}