Whose kid can out-weird mine?

[Bouncy Ball]

Today in the grocery check out line, my kid started whispering "Momma bend down" and when I did, she said fairly loudly "I CAST YOU OUT DEMONS! OUT!! YOU ARE HEAAAALED!!!"

Then she slapped my forehead. And giggled. Religious humor, fun.

When we got home, she got the dog to pull her on her rollerblades.

Later she asked me "Don't you feel sorry for Austria?"

I said no, why? "Well they're all trapped in the middle, no ocean."

Then she told me "this guy named Lockheed Martin is in legal trouble."

I told her that's a company. No, she insisted, it's this white guy with frizzy hair and glasses, she saw it on the news. No, I said, seriously, that's a company. This went back and forth until I showed her the website.

She was pissed it wasn't a guy. Thought a company would be in less trouble than a person would be. I had to agree there.

I don't ever know what she's going to say. But I know I can't have the only weird kid in the world. (I say "weird" affectionately.)

[Mrs_Beastman]

1. I've often felt bad for landlocked countries myself

And I would have done the over the top faith healing in a more private place. Sounds like she is a smart cutie with a sense of humor.:hi:

[Bouncy Ball]

2. Yeah, people were looking.

A lot. She wasn't being quiet.

[havocmom]

3. Picture, if you will... a 6'x6' display of toy black cats at a market

It is two weeks prior to Halloween. The cat toys have motion sensors which make them meow and twitch.

Picture havocmom coming out of an aisle near the display, pushing her cart. She sees everyone looking in one direction... at the cat display.

Dozens of stuffed black cats are meowing and twitching at the red haired young woman doing jumping jacks in front of them.

She was probably about 25 at the time.

BB, you have SO MANY weird and wonderful adventures ahead of you. Life is good with a daughter who is anything but normal.

Now, wanna hear the one about Havocpup and the...

[Bouncy Ball]

7. I wrote this big long post and lost it!

:cry:

Your daughter sounds hilarious!

[havocmom]

15. She is very bright, very funny, very kind and mean as a herd of buffalo

She prides herself on getting thrown out of toy stores.

She is a goat whisperer.

She will tell you every red head know the best way to a man's heart is through his ribcage.

She uses estactic dancing instead of drugs.

She has a huge collection of silly hats.

God, I love that kid! ;)

[BigMcLargehuge]

4. Mine (though yours is admittedly weird)

"Getting breakfast for my baby sister"

[Bouncy Ball]

5. Oh my GOD.

Please tell me you are going to blackmail him with that.

Just kidding, though it may come in handy.

WHAT a cutie!!!

[Shell Beau]

10. Is that a bong? A penis enlarger? A breast pump? WTF is that thing?

Adorable kid though!!:)

[BigMcLargehuge]

11. it's a

breast pump

[Shell Beau]

12. On edit I realized what it was!! It does kind of look like a bong, though.

although I am sure you wouldn't let your kid play with one of those!!
I don't have kids yet so I haven't been introduced to the pump yet!!

[Bouncy Ball]

13. You know I just glanced at it at first and thought is that a bong?

Then I read the caption. It was only a second, but it was funny.

[Shell Beau]

16. Aha! I didn't read the caption! That explains it.

:)

[BigMcLargehuge]

17. :)

:hi:

[Shell Beau]

20. Sometimes you have to excuse me, I type before I think!

:hi:

[BigMcLargehuge]

21. I was just waiting until you figured it out

:)

on edit, and sitting here giggling about "penis enlarger"...


Austin Powers-
"Honestly, I've never seen it before. It's not my bag baby..."

[Shell Beau]

22. Hey you could have been waiting all night!

I thought about Austin Powers when I saw it, baaaby!:rofl:

[Shell Beau]

43. I forgot to add the "yeah" as in

yeeaah baaby!! I told you I don't always think before I type!

[Donailin]

18. FOFL!!!

Priceless! and what a cutie!

Mine were like that once, and I have the pictures to prove it. "Nakie time!" Which I keep loosely piled in a shallow wicker basket. Which sits on the coffee table in the living room. Which all their friends look throgh when they're over. Which is every damn day. Which is how to keep three teens (two accomplished local rockstars and one competitive cheerleader)humble. :evilgrin:

[Maddy McCall]

19. Umm, I think the BMLH kid wins.

That's just amazingly funny. And weird. :D

[Pithlet]

27. Hilarious!

:rofl: I knew exactly what that was right away. It's a Medela, isn't it? That's the brand I used.

[Momgonepostal]

30. LOL!!!

[Jara sang]

6. She should feel sorry for Uzbekistan

It is doubly landlocked. A landlocked country, surrounded by other landlocked countries. Yeah, who's the dork now, dorkus?

[OldLeftieLawyer]

8. What a great kid!

Sounds like you got a really wonderful girl there. What a terrific ride you're going to have .............................

[sakabatou]

23. That pic scares me....

[OldLeftieLawyer]

25. Scares you?

Naw, this one is much scarier:

[sakabatou]

31. How is that scary?

[OldLeftieLawyer]

33. I don't know,

but people tell me it scares them.

I don't think a beer-drinking pussycat is scary, either, now that you mention it....................

[sakabatou]

34. It's not that... it's the frames where it has a human mouth

[democracyindanger]

9. Awesome

Send me a PM when she turns 18, 'cause I'm still laughing my ass off at the 'healing' bit.

[Bouncy Ball]

14. Eight years, dude.

:D

[jukes]

24. B/B

what a great kid! you did good, breeder.

[AlienGirl]

26. I get weirder things with my breakfast cereal!

My flying monkeys are very weird too. Not that that's any shock, considering who their Mom is...

Tucker

[Reverend_Smitty]

28. I do the first thing all the time...

Whenever I'm on the computer and my dad is watching TV and he has the misfortune to land on one of those televangelist channels for more than 2 seconds, the power of Christ rises up inside of me and I just can't help myself...I have to heal my fellow man with the power of JEEZUS, and usually a slap on his forehead follows. Boy does he hate when I do that, which is exactly why I do it, see Bouncy even when they are full grown the fun never ends!

[xmas74]

29. My kid calls tampons whistles.

She calls our president a prick(I think she overheard me one day). One day she told me that she talked to Jesus in her bedroom and that he said that he was not in church. I asked her where he was at and she said that he was where ever you wanted him to be (pretty interesting for four). She wants to be Chinese when she grows up because she likes to eat at Chinese restaurants. She's an odd one.

Your kid-I would have peed my pants about the faith healing! That is too much!

[uppityperson]

32. Mine told a store checker his theory of butterfly pulling the sun @ 3yrs

He had this theory that a big butterfly pulled the sun across the sky everyday. He liked to share this with grocery store checkers, explaining that "there are many religions and theories in the world and I can believe in The Butterfly", said with a lisp and pronouncing "L" as "r" as in "Butterfry". If they listened, he went on to explain his other theory of our universe being a molecule under the hood of a giant automobile. He was precociously verbal. Never cast out demons though. That is good, funny kid.

[xmas74]

35. That's fascinating for a three year old!

[uppityperson]

36. When he finally got glasses it helped people take him more seriously

He was so verbal and small on the growth scale that people, including me, would just drop mouths open listening to him lisp about things. He got glasses in grade school which helped people take him more seriously for some reason, made him look more studious than just out there.

Then there was the day he came home from his dad's house telling me very seriously that he'd learned about "privacy places, but it's a secret". (deep breath) Okay. Turns out privacy places are places like in the bathroom, in the bedrom and under the table. You know, places you go to have privacy. Let breath out and try to not laugh.

Then there was the discussion about Thanksgiving being to thank mother earth and father sky for food and god for mother earth and father sky. Food like bears and crows.

It's good to remember that he wasn't always a smart aleck teenager.

[xmas74]

37. I am so worried about the smart mouth teenager crap!

I have a while until then (mine will be five next month) but she is such a handful already.
I am sure that my hair will complete its transformation to snow white by then.

[uppityperson]

38. Always said if I could survive his childhood, he'd be ok

Now I say if I can survive his teenagehood, he'll do ok. Be appreciative of them when they are young because one day they wake up and havae figured out how stupid you are and how much you are trying to ruin their lives. It is a time when they act strangely and are treated strangely. Then they become human again. And I'd rather have him feeling strong about himself than being a sheep. It just is difficult sometimes, but better overall.

[xmas74]

39. I really worry about it.

I am so afraid that what she has learned at home will not do her any good when she gets older.

[uppityperson]

40. It is scary. It's the little stuff that carries them through

And you just have to have hope and faith that nothing too bad, out of everyones' control, will happen.
It's the little stuff, like accidentally walking out of the store with the sandles on that you'd been shopping several stores for, then suddenly realizing you didn't pay (oh crap), going back, apologizing and paying. With your 6 yr old child with you. It's the little stuff like being nice, picking up garbage off the street without making any big deal out of it and throwing it into the trash. And you have to realize that we all F* up our kids somehow. What you have to do is figure out who you're doing it and try to counter it, but it will happen anyway.

Look at all of us.

[xmas74]

42. That's what I'm hoping for.

[AlienGirl]

41. My elder son (now 9) used to tell people about The Crouton

The Crouton, not like a salad crouton--the *other* kind of crouton--started up the Big Bang. The Crouton was the smallest particle there is, and the piece that all other particles were made of, but we couldn't see The Crouton under any microscope because it likes to hide. :shrug: This was when he was about three.

The same son, with his precocious interest in science, hid a Tupperware container full of his pee behind his toy piano for a couple of weeks to see what germs he had in his body. (A desparate hunt for the source of the smell revealed the container. When I asked him what it was doing there, he gleefully exclaimed, "Oh! You found my experiment!")

My younger son, at age four, once said good-bye to the receptionist at the doctor's office by saying, "Bye now! Have fun with your penis!" The receptionist was a nice older lady and she turned bright red! We got out of there fast...

Tucker

[Mutley]

44. i don't know if this qualifies as 'weirder' than your kid or not

but it sure amused the hell out of me at the time.

Exactly one week before my neice's fifth birthday she called me (the first time she had ever called me on her own) and said "Aunt Abbie, I just want to say that it is time for you to stop telling people I am four, because my birthday is only a week away and it won't hurt people if you tell them I'm five." Then she said i love you and hung up! This was completely out of nowhere! :rofl: it cracks me up to this day (she's eight now).

[elehhhhna]

45. Kids saw something about Hitler on the Discovery Channel

(oops) they were 6 & 4. I gave them a short sorta-age-appropriate explaination and left it at that.

Later,while they were playing upstairs, I heard the older one yell to the younger one; "WAY TO GO, Batman!!! You saved the Jews!"

Oy.

[Aiptasia]

46. That's the most adoreable post i've read all morning

Almost makes me wish I had kids of my own, almost.

Then I visit with my sister's family and I come to my senses. Three girls all two years apart. The drama....