Does anyone feel bitterness towards the opposite sex?

[rene moon]

I do. And most of it has to do with porn. The way I feel towards men right now is sad, I'll admit it. I can't help but feel they are a little pathetic and lame. Which doesn't doesn't help my marriage, I know

(And before any of you porn fans flame me, I really don't care what you think. I am not fond of it and I won't be made to feel bad about my feelings)

So, fess up, what are your beefs with the opposite sex.

[Kamika]

1. i like men

Real handsome masculine men :D

mmmmmm

and porn isnt Bad at all if they both look like they enjoy it.


My beef with guys is that for some reason i like them. Things would be ALOT easier if I would be a lesbian

[Castilleja]

15. Aww, quicker than me!

I love men, they are cool. The one I have especially!

[geniph]

2. Nope - I have bitterness toward individuals

but not the entire gender. I know too many individuals who don't fit the pigeonholes we try to force them into.

I'm sorry this thing is still causing you grief. I remember you posting about it some months ago. My viewpoint may be different from yours, but I understand this is causing you pain, and that is sad.

[Droopy]

3. Does this have to do with your husband viewing porn?

And if so, have you talked to him about it and let him know how you feel?

[Clete]

4. That they have traditionally gotten most of the money,

the better jobs and that they still think we have to most of the domestic chores. I love my husband dearly and I have lived with him for thirty years, but if goes before me, there is no way in hell that I will ever live with a man again.

[chicaloca]

42. men getting more money.....

Did you know that a person who sells car stereos and other high-end electronic equipment and has a bachelor's degree makes almost twice what a registered nurse does? And when the registered nurse has a master's and the stereo salesperson still has just* that bachelor's degree, the stereo salesperson still makes slightly more on average?
And of course, we all know which job is more likely to be a man's and which is more likely to be a woman's. These stats were in the fall 2002 issue of a well-known employment journal, but I can't remember its name right now. If anyone's interested I'll dig it up sometime this week.

Also, at my university, the 30 highest paid employees are all men, and only 24% of the faculty are women. This despite the fact that women have outnumbered men at colleges since 1988. I mean, that's not a super-long time, so some disparities are still to be expected, but those differences seem kind of excessive. The sad thing is, I know that my university is much more progressive and fair toward women than any private institution or employer would ever be. I can only imagine how bad it is in those places. :(

* I used the word "just" for clarification, not to say that a bachelor's degree is in any way a small feat.

[Kahuna]

5. No! I absolutely love and admire men.

Always have. Always will.

[Demobrat]

6. I don't know if I'd call it bitter.

But I'm definately not impressed by men, and feel that I'm much better off not letting one get his hooks into me.

[trotsky]

7. Cultural? Biological? Individual? We might never know.

In countless studies, it has been shown that the male mind is more sexually aroused by visual images than a female's. I don't want to make you feel bad about any feelings you have on the matter, but you should at least understand that there is a real and definite neurological phenomenon that helps explain the appeal of pornography. Does that make me a "porn fan"? :shrug:

Just keep in mind that some men AREN'T as visually stimulated, and some women ARE. We're all pretty different.

[chicaloca]

39. but also.....

Neurological doesn't necessarily mean biological. It can, but that's not all. The brain can be conditioned to respond to various stimuli, and obviously in our society women are generally used as sexual stimuli. Maybe if little girls from a very young age saw music videos with women ogling half-naked, submissive men, billboards full of half-naked men posing for women, lingerie shows on ABC featuring half-naked men, etc, then women would respond more to visual stimuli. I think you were trying to say about the same thing I am, trotsky, but I know a lot of times people see neurological and they automatically think "Oh, that means biology." I guess I just wanted to make the distinction clear. :)

Oh, and I just wanted to make it clear that I also don't think men should be treated as objects and I _don't_ think little girls should learn to respond to men only as visual stimuli, in the way that many men do now with women. We should all be treated on the merits of our personalities and intelligence. (Gee, where does that leave Dubya?) }(

[david_vincent]

8. This is a highly dangerous thread

I feel reluctant to respond in any way.
My beefs with the opposite sex? Well, I'm certainly not going to defend porn, if that's what you're looking for.
Here's a little story for you. I was once made to wake up, get out of bed, gather up a bundle of my clothes in my arms, and walk out homeless and without a vehicle into the night at 3:00 in the morning by my so-called "girlfriend" so she could jump into the sack with a French helicopter-pilot-in-training. Yes, I was literally walking through the night with a bundle of my clothes in my arms and nowhere to go. Later on, when she had become pregnant by the French guy, she came to me asking me to pay for her abortion so she wouldn't have to tell him and "ruin his life." Do you have any adjectives for that????????
And that's just scratching the surface. That's just for starters.
Bitterness? Yeah, I'd say so.

[Clete]

12. I have a question.

If it was your place, why didn't you make her leave?

[NightTrain]

20. Oh, I can think of some adjectives for that!

"Selfish," "cruel," "uncaring," "clueless," and "brazen" all come to mind.

And please, please, PLEASE tell me you didn't pay for that rotten cunt's abortion!

[david_vincent]

41. Of course not

And it was a multi-occupant college student flophouse.
She had to get him to pay for it, and he had to spend his chopper-school money on her abortion.

[Dr Satan]

9. no way

I love women.

[LadeJarl]

13. and..

herbs maybe?

I love women too much to feel any hatred against them. Individuals, yes, but as a gender? No.

[leftist_rebel1569]

10. I'll only tell you this much

I'm 15 and i'm DONE with women. PERIOD.

[Book Lover]

14. Oh, leftist_rebel1569!

That so sounds like me when I was 15!! Embrace your bitterness now, but please let go of it around, oh, 23 or so....

[leftist_rebel1569]

17. or...never.

I like that idea better.

[Book Lover]

18. Okay :-)

Please forgive me for the huge smile I have on my face right now. I feel very older sister.... Like I said, embrace it then. I'm serious.

[NightTrain]

21. If you're fifteen, then you probably haven't been with women.

Rather, you've been with girls.

Trust me, bud, there are major differences between girls and women! And the same goes for boys and men.

[leftist_rebel1569]

22. sure...

you're probably right, but I still don't really care. Girls or women, i'm just done...

[Blue_Roses]

35. wow! I like that!

Great quote!! I'm gonna use that on my husband during our next fight!! WOW!

:thumbsup:

[Nikia]

11. Maybe I'm sexist

I become outright scared when I am the only female in a room with a certain number of men. I'm not sure about the exact number and I think it depends on how many I know and how well. On average probably more than five. If this were based on race, religion, or other group characteristics, I'd consider myself bigotted. Maybe, it is because I have been sexually assulted but I wasn't gang raped so I am not sure if that is it. On the otherhand, if I am in a mixed safe environment, I'll probably approach men at least at much as women to talk to. I am completely comfortable with my husband and my best friend who is a guy. I don't really like stereotypical men, but fortunately many, if not most, don't fit most of the stereotypes. I do think that many men are overly obsessed with physical appearences. That is a hard wired instinct to reproducing with a healthy mate. Fortunately, humans are a learning species and learn to treat women with respect and not see all women as sex objects. That sort of ties in with the porn thing. Porn appeals to this base instinct but it does not necessarily mean that the male porn viewer views real women, especially those he knows personally.

[NightTrain]

16. I won't think with my dick if you won't fuck with my head

Fair enough?

[Feanorcurufinwe]

19. I feel bitterness

towards my wife. I try not to let it affect my relationships with other people.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

23. Certain individuals

like the men who advertise in the personals columns that they want a women between the ages of 25 and 35--when they themselves are over 50.

What I find more dismaying, rather than infuriating, is the number of men in my age group who are unable to talk about anything but stereotypical "guy stuff." I don't care what he looks like or how much money he has. If his idea of conversation is limited to, "How 'bout them Mariners," I'll run in the other direction.

By the way, I'm equally dismayed at women who can talk only about their children or other domestic matters.

[LadeJarl]

25. What's wrong

with that?

I mean if they advertise they are 50 and is seeking someone younger, isn't that OK? It would be just as OK if it was a woman doing the same thing.

[The Blue Flower]

24. No...

..the poor things just can't help it.

[sweetladybug]

26. Exactly I trust men more than I do women

That's not saying there is not some bad guys out there because I know there are, but to me, with my experiences in life, women are harder to get along with, they are more jealous, the are more hateful and more revengeful than men. Perhaps I see things different than some women since I married at 16 yrs and have remained married to the same man for 33 yrs and he is the love of my life, he is my best friend and I trust him completely. That's not saying we have never disagreed with each other or never had problems in our marriage at different times, but we have always been able to talk and express our feeling to each other and we treat each other with love and respect.

[Nikia]

28. Competitiveness

It seems that many men and women are competetive with their own sex but not the other, even close friends. They may be jealous of each other but not members of the opposite sex. I think that this is an issue that women should look at in regards to the workplace. We need to help each other and not compete with each other any more than we compete with men. We shouldn't be more jealous of a female superviser than a male superviser. Yes, I've had jealousy problems in my own female friendships. It sucks. I'd like to think that I'm immune to it, but I don't know if that's completely true. My best friend assures me that he's had that problem with men too and one reason that he has been open to having women as close friends.

[chicaloca]

45. exactly.....

I think people see jealousy more within their own gender. I'll never forget a few months ago when my friend Steve and his so-called friend Jason were talking about women, and it was becoming pretty clear that Jason was trying to one-up Steve on everything. Then, out of the blue, Jason says, "Geez, Steve, don't tell _me_ about women! _You're_ the one who hasn't gotten laid in two years!" My jaw just about hit the floor when I heard that. I almost didn't feel sorry for Steve because he used to say things like that all the time to one of our friends who was chronically depressed but always managed to date nicer girls than Steve. But geez, I would _never_ say something like that to one of my friends, female or not! I think this nasty jealousy and competitiveness thing is about equal between men and women. We just notice it more when women do it, just like my friends notice more when I get sick--I'm a vegetarian, so that's what they expect out of me, whether consciously or not. Or my roommate, who's Jewish, and is often afraid that her actions are seen as a reflection on all Jewish people.

And Nikia, I totally hear you on being uneasy being around men. For me, I only have to be alone with one to feel frightened, because I know from experience what can happen to a woman alone with one or more men. And it doesn't help that loads of my friends have had similar experiences. Actually, this thread reminds me a study about what men and women feared the most from each other. The men were afraid that women would ridicule them or laugh at them. The women were afraid that men would kill them. And yet women are the ones who are labeled bitches for the smallest things. (Not that I advocate calling _anyone_ a bitch, unless it's in jest!) I just don't see why women are labeled catty, untrustworthy, dishonest, bitchy, cuntish, whorish, etc. I'm sorry, but no woman has ever raped me or tried to block my path in the street and ask for sex. No woman ever tried to grab my boobs when I was 13, no woman ever banged my head into a wall or threw me on the floor and kicked me repeatedly, no strange woman ever grabbed my arm on the street so hard that I got a bruise, various women have not called me fat (I'm 5'5" and 120 pounds) no woman has ever called me stupid and ignorant, and no woman has ever called me a snot-headed bitch for not being racist. Have men ever done these things to me? You take a wild guess. I'm not saying all men do these things, but I can't help but find men's complaints about women are often piddly in comparison. Not all are, like people who are abused by their moms, or guys whose girlfriends throw them out in an extremely cruel and despicable manner like the guy in this thread. I guess what women go through is systematic, institutionalized crap that's a constant, inescapable thing that makes us afraid to leave our homes. And even at home we're not safe, depending on who lives with us! Also, I really doubt whether a woman who was accused of harassing or assaulting loads of men would win election to the town hall, let alone the governorship of California. And I know that men are not inherently like this, that they're taught to be macho and sometimes violent if they want to survive, and a system that doesn't allow men to have feelings is really hurtful toward them as well. So I guess I'm trying to blame society rather than men, and that's what I try to tell all women who've had such bad experiences. But it _is_ hard not to be bitter sometimes, and when I get angry about it I try to channel my anger into something productive, like writing or activism.

[FlemingsGhost]

27. Sometimes they taste a little bitter...

Otherwise, I adore the opposite sex.

[HEyHEY]

29. My only serious beef with women is

The lack of a sense of humour many seem to have.

[Blue_Roses]

36. Whaaaaaat?

You've got to kidding? I think it all depends on their mood. Maybe that's the clincher. Unfortunately, most women are quite moodier than men ---but then you probably knew that!

[HEyHEY]

40. I grew up with three of the most anti-men women on the face of the earth

It was nice the day my Dad confided in me

"Jeremy, every woman in this family has a bad attitude towards men"

I knew then...snifff...I wasn't alone.

[Speck Tater]

30. "BAD" means "men like it", "GOOD" means "women like it"

Porn = bad because men like it and women hate it.
Romance novels = good because women like them and men hate them.
Chick flicks = good because women like them and men hate them.
Football = bad because men like it and women hate it.
Ballroom dancing = good because women like it and men hate it.

And so it goes. Whatever women don't like is "bad" and whatever women like is "good". Seems to me that's because women expect men to bend to meet their expectations but have no intention of doing anything toward meeting a man's expectations. Of course that's because a woman's expectations are "good" and a man's expectations are "bad".

The bottom line is that a woman's inborn nature is "good" and a man's inborn nature is "bad", and that is because the value judgements concerning who is naturally good and who is naturally bad are always made by the women, and women are not willing to accept a man as he really is. Yet women complain endlessly that their man doesn't accept them the way they are.


Yeah, I'm divorced. Twice. How did you ever guess?

[salin]

34. nah

couldn't have detected it ;-)

Maybe you need to date some different types of women? The issues you put up are a bit stereotypical - and don't fit many of my female friends nor myself. Find some who don't fit your boxes - and who don't put you (or men) into boxes, then discard the boxes - and enjoy.

[populistmom]

31. I don't judge an entire gender based on the actions of a few

There's a some pretty lousy men and some great ones. Most probably fall in between in varying shades of grey. Same goes for women. I think for me, having sons helped me learn more about males and how they communicate and bond with each other. Generally, I find I get along with men better than women because I have found men talk about more things of interest to me (besides sports) and treat me better. Now, I have had a few great women friends, but I have a hard time really feeling at home with the fake girly chit chat thing. Obviously, not all women are like that, but I suppose I find more women like that than men.

[RetroLounge]

32. I like my women Like I Like my coffee...

Hot and a little bitter...

:)

and if they bring their own porn, that's okay too...

edit : spelling

[SOteric]

33. All of my former relationships

are men with whom I have forged close and genuine friendships. (Save one, who I haven't seen in several years.) This is not an easy accomplishment.

I won't make room in my life for bitterness. It does nothing to wound those who've hurt or angered you, and can disintegrate your health and cut short your life. Life is a brief and ethereal enough thing as it is.

[Skittles]

37. I've always been a bit tired of their acting like sex is a right

I'm not ruled by my genitals and refuse to behave as if I were.

[BiggJawn]

38. I do. If they weren't so Effed-up, I would not need the Porn.

Women.
Oh, OK, so your hormones ran out after about 50 years. You're boss is a jack-ass. Yeah, I'm worried about that asshole in Al's house, too, but it's not consuming my life.

And speaking of my life, I've been cheating on you in a 6-way with Mother Thumb and her 4 daughters and some un-named graphic girl who can twist herself up like a pretzel untill I swear I can see daylight up there...


Who's bitter? Me?

[rusk2003]

43. basically I think it is like this

It is not so much the gender of either that turns people off. But it is the type of members of the opposite sex they date. If a man or woman dated a few members of the oppoiste sex and found them repulsive and made sterotypical judgement then that it where you run it to the logic. All men or this or that and all women or this or that.

[nemo137]

44. i don't think that bitter is th right word,

and i think at this point (17) being bitter would be stupid, and a bit arrogant, and i'm sure teen guys do just as much stupid shit.

but why do teen girls seem to like to jerk guys around?

[marzipanni]

47. I think girls are trying out their power in the world,

in a world where sex and being attractive are pushed to the forefront all the time. Some girls would truly appreciate your willingness to take the spotlight off of it and relax. At your age make friends, not love, and relationships won't be as stressful.

[rene moon]

46. Sorry for such a downer post

I guess I am just depressed. I should get over it otherwise, it just really might affect my marriage.

[marzipanni]

48. Porn is just a symptom

of this weird society where sex is in some ways "taboo" and yet it's brought up at least a few times on every sit-com, TV commercial and print advertisement, etc., so even if you think about something else for a few minutes, there it is popping up again. Because we don't really accept it we're obsessed by it. If we could embrace sex as a normal, healthy part of being human I think it would take its normal, healthy place in our lives, not dominating our thoughts and expressions of them.
My bitterness has to do with rapists and child molesters whose presence in the world make me feel less free and my young son less free.