Both of my brothers stood up my mom today.

[gardenista]

Grrrrr....

My folks drove two hours in the rain to meet up with three of us kids. My sister is on another coast.

When I was arriving at the restaurant, I called my bro to let him know I was running a little late. He said, "Yeah, I am too, but I won't be there." (This is the one that made the reservations.) I asked him what was wrong, and he had a lame-ass excuse that he was having "car trouble". He has a three year old car, and I know he was lying because his voice trailed off after saying, "yeah, I just have to take care of this thing...."

Then the other brother called my folks and said that he'd like to meet up with us for dessert. When we got around to paying the check, (yeah, it was on me), he calls and says, "Maybe next week".

Now I know that the first one is probably shacked up or too hungover to make it. Thus the "car trouble", i.e., still puking at 12:00, so unable to make the drive.

And the second one is a flake, who was going to show up with a passle of whatever girlfriends' kids are in vogue right now (don't ask), and an attitude, and probably a plan to ditch the kids with my parents, so I was kinda glad he didn't show.

Why did my parents raise such asshole sons and such responsible daughters? Why did my brother insist on putting this together (at a restaurant where my dad couldn't even finish his food, it was so bad) just to bag it, and why the FUCK don't my parents call them on their shit???

They are such assholes, I don't even want to talk to them again, which should be no problem, since they never make any effort to call or see me.

Am I nuts to be so pissed?

[Individualist]

1. No, you're not nuts

I also have a brother who's an asshole. Mother died in '96, and so many times my brother was neglectful and so emotionally hurtful to her, yet she always made excuses for him.

[gardenista]

8. And mothers do their sons no favors on cutting them slack on

stuff like this. They took a long way to get this way. Neither of them can maintain a healthy relationship with a woman. They are users.

[RevCheesehead]

2. you have every right to be pissed.

Next year, plan a quiet dinner with Mom and Dad and yourself, but leave the brothers out.

[BikeWriter]

3. Thank you for respecting your parents.

[gardenista]

9. Thank YOU for noticing! LOL. It's lonlely out here sometimes!

My parents know they can count on me, whether or not I can count on them, and the same for my brothers. That is how I want to live my life. And I think that I am rewarded for having that kind of attitude, whether or not my brothers notice.

I also try to be a thoughtful friend, and because you can chose your friends, I have a whole bunch of people in my life who respect themselves and each other.

[BikeWriter]

20. My parents are gone, and I treasure every moment I spent with them.

You'll never regret going out of your way to be with yours!

[gardenista]

21. I'm glad for you and your parents that you treasured your time together

It means so much when someone is gone to know that they knew they were loved.

Your parents were lucky, and I have a feeling they earned a kid like you.

[BikeWriter]

22. As I tell my own Children, I will love them when I'm dirt!

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

4. You are not nuts

You would be nuts NOT to be angry. PM me if you want to rant - I have a brother who never ever ever bothers to contact me, much as he protests that he "loves and thinks of me."

[havocmom]

5. No, you are not nuts to be so pissed

They are thoughtless bozos. Why not plan a nice surprise party for them some time and not let them in? Irresponsible and hateful they were.

Why did they turn out that way? :shrug: Dunno. Sometimes one gender gets cut more slack growing up in some families from what I have noticed. They grow up to be slackers to the ninth power.

Hope your mom is OK. Must be rotten getting stood up on Mothers Day. But, if they don't call the brat boys on their shit, I guess they might have it coming.

Take care of you and piss on them. Sometimes ya gotta write some family members off. If one finger gets gangrenous, you cut it off to save the rest of the hand.

[gardenista]

6. LOL, Love the idea of the surprise party.

Whenever they pull this shit, I love to fantasize about elaborate revenge schemes. Must be a holdover from my childhood.

[blue neen]

12. You know, that's an interesting thought.

"If one finger gets gangrenous, you cut it off to save the rest of the hand."

Sometimes some of the people in our families are just toxic.

[havocmom]

15. And there is a point at which one must decide they are not going to

keep taking the poison. You can try to help others, bt some of them can only be what they are with no hope of changing. It is madness to keep beating one's head against a wall which will not give. Sometimes we have to accept facts about kin.

[TheProphetess]

7. It sucks to be the "good" child

I had trouble understanding why my parents accepted crappy behavior from my siblings but never from me. For example, with my oldest sister, the one who causes major problems and treats my parents like shit, my mother would always say "well, that was nice of her" any time she basically refrained from freaking out on us.

Then I realized that my parents had very different standards for me than they did for the others. They came to expect better things from me than from my sisters, which meant that my sisters could get away with very bad behavior while I could not. It can be difficult being the good daughter or son.

[gardenista]

11. Yes it can. Sorry you have a similar situation.

My parents will never allow criticism of their asshole sons, either. My sister and I are expected to ignore their bad behavior, to accept into our hearts the latest girlfriend, along with any baggage she may present, usually in the form of neglected children, and to include my brothers in every.single.gathering., even though they are disruptive, arrive hours late or early, with dirty, hungry kids in tow, and then try to dump said kids on anyone available so that they can go do whatever it is they do.

Though it is difficult being the "good" kid, it's interesting, because I was always the one who stood up for myself, and was the most authentic with my folks. I am who I say I am, and I don't have some kind of secret life. And I'm happier and more stable, so I guess I'm glad that I'm held to a higher standard. It has served me well.

[TheProphetess]

18. Here, here!

Well said, my friend. :)

[Straight Shooter]

10. Everything that goes around, comes around.

Would you rather be you, the child who is loving toward your parents, the child who cares enough to be with them on a special occasion, or would you rather be your sorry-ass brothers?

Your reward, if I can call it that, is being there for your mom on Mother's Day. You can't completely make up for the hurt that your brothers have heaped on her, but you can sleep at night knowing that she knows in her heart how much she is loved by you and your sister.

As for your brothers ... somewhere down the road, they will wonder how they could have been so cruel. I hope it isn't too late when they find out the truth.

:hug:

[gardenista]

14. I know, I think about that alot. I hope they can get past this stuff

and fly right so that they don't have horrible guilt in the future.

Despite my anger at them, I don't want them to experience that.

Thanks for your kind words, and you are right, it *is* a reward, in and of itself.

[Individualist]

19. Unfortunately some have no conscience

The night before my mother died, she went into a coma. Knowing she was in a coma, my brother went on to work and remained there until his usual quitting time. When he arrived around 4 pm, mother had died 10 or 15 minutes earlier. I've never seen him show any remorse for how badly he treated her on so many occasions, then again I rarely see him. No one will be surprised to learn he's a republican!

[Floogeldy]

13. Sibling rivalry is alive and well.

[gardenista]

16. Bro? Is that you?

Just kidding. You are probably right to some degree.

This has been going on in some form or another for many years.

[gardenista]

17. Thanks, everyone. I feel a little better, and

my husband is so sick of hearing me complain about this kind of thing, I'm glad I could rant a little here.

He was a wonderful son to his mother, who died recently. He misses her, but I'm very glad that he has nothing to feel guilty about. She knew he loved her, and he showed it in every way. He's also a wonderful man to be married to.

[grasswire]

23. I've come to think...

....that too many mothers have let their boys slide in the manners department in the last few decades, forgetting that a young man who treats the women in his own family well will have a happier marriage and life.

My own father advised me that I could know the character of a fellow by how he treated his mother. I wish I had followed the advice -- it could have saved me twenty years of pain.

[gardenista]

27. I think you're right.

Hang in there. I hope that your situation has changed, or soon will.

It's never too late to find the love you want.

:hug:

[Kipepeo]

24. Don't worry about them

Your parents know the score, even if they like to pretend/maintain that everyone is equal in their eyes. When they excuse so-and-so for being late or missing completely the get-together they are hurting inside and don't want it to be a big deal. At least - this is what I have gained from my parents.

I would agree with some of the others who say to throw your parents a big party but I would disagree about not inviting your siblings...I say invite them and even ask for them to share the expense if they are able - if they are not so inclined then it's their loss...at least you tried to include them. If they *are* able to participate in either way, well then you have the satisfaction of helping bring another smile to your parents' face.

[gardenista]

28. You're probably right.

And I would never do the surprise party trick. I just make myself feel better with these revenge fantasys. It's a way of laughing it off.

I actually did throw my parents a big party, and the one brother who is *really* messed up did his best to sabotage the whole thing. It went off pretty well anyway, and his behavior could not have gone un-noticed.

Thanks for your kind advice.

[WilliamPitt]

25. Boys suck

:P

[CaliforniaPeggy]

26. Not all boys suck, Will...

Only those who weren't brought up right do.


:hi:

[gardenista]

29. Hey now, I happen to know that you are nice to your mom!

And she deserves every bit of it, since I just bet you were a pain in the ass to raise. But look how good ya turned out!