Half Man - Half Dog siffing around the hydrants of unemployment

[BigMcLargehuge]

May 5th 2005 - Barfolemew, know as 'Barf' to his friends has occasionally emerged from the shadows of fame and at one time was the much beloved part of one and a half man/half dog partnership with renowned space hero Lone Starr. His fame grew considerably following the defeat of Dark Helmet and the Mega Maid.

But time hasn't been kind to old Barf. Short of cash and low on bisquits, Barf now works opening local Pet Smart location and does the rare charity appearance or child's birthday party. "It's not easy being between species," Barf said in a recent interview, "on one hand I can chase my own tale for hours of fun, on the other paw, it's not easy to keep a relationship healthy when I am perpetually fighting the urge to sniff stranger's crotches."

Barf bottomed out following the wedding of Princess Vespa and Lone Starr, "I was like a third wheel," he said, "there was no room for me at the end of the bed. My partner kept hitting me with a rolled up newspaper, do you know how much that hurts my nose? Before long I was leashed behind the garage. I was in a downward spiral man, it was totally toxic." Barf, reliving these horrible moments, brushed back a tear, "I... I started chasing cars, huffing flea dip, and I would spend weeks in a haze of self-ball-licking. It wasn't long before Lone Starr and Vespa asked me to leave."

But things have turned around for old Barf. "I got into a program. I learned that I had a real problem with obedience. But the nice folks at Captain Slappy's Training Academy were real nice. I cleaned up. Learned how to be more sociable, and worked on getting my face out there, you know? It was hard at first. I mean, who wants to hire a Halfer? But I perservered, I caught a break at the local animal shelter. My Kennel mate, Hooch, talked to some people and I had a bit part as Steven Seagal's stunt double, that led to a couple of ads for Alpo, then the big break, PetSmart sponsorship. Now I don't really have to rely on anyone, I'm my own best friend."

[enigmatic]

1. You bastard!

That's some funny shit; thumbs up, my friend:)

[Zuni]

2. this is insulting to canine americans

you are treating us like we are some sort of freaks...

[BigMcLargehuge]

9. I suppport feeding Canine Americans at the dinner table

well, scraps at least.

[Blue-Jay]

3. My spleen just rolled down the street.

There is a reward for the safe return of Mike the Spleen in case anyone is interested.

[asthmaticeog]

4. Oh holy shit, I just laughed up a lung!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[MissB]

5. Bwahahahaha

:rofl:

[Zuni]

6. you owe me new underwear for this...

Barf, reliving these horrible moments, brushed back a tear, "I... I started chasing cars, huffing flea dip, and I would spend weeks in a haze of self-ball-licking. It wasn't long before Lone Starr and Vespa asked me to leave."

[Fenris]

7. This just shows the sort of vile abuse our half-breed friends must endure.

I think the discrimination of domestic animal-people in this country, especially at such an advanced and enlightened age, is disgusting. And shame on you all (SHAME ON YOU ALL) for laughing at this poor creature's plight!

[BigMcLargehuge]

8. Kick

laugh damn you!

:kick:

[DS1]

10. You facist bigot nazi freeper!

:eyes:

:thumbsup:

[bleedingheart]

11. hahahahaha

[matcom]

12. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

pretty funny 'godzilla-boy' :D

[BigMcLargehuge]

13. why thanks!

:)

[matcom]

14. how are your scales coming along?

[BigMcLargehuge]

15. dunno yet, still just have little ovals drawn down my back

with a sharpie... my Godzillaplasty starts next week.

[tigereye]

16. ha ha ha

Godzillaplasty! Big you are a riot!