Two moles walk into a bar

[moof]

"Two whiskeys please" They stand around drinking for hours until finally one of the moles passes out on the floor. The other mole pays the tab and gets up to leave.
"Hey! You're not going to leave that lyin' on the floor, are you?" "That's not a lion, he's a mole."

and moof never gets tired of this one.

Once upon a time

There was a mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole outside of a farm house out in the country.
The papa mole stuck his head out of the hole one morning and said, "Mmmmm, I smell sausage.
The mama mole stuck her head out of the hole and said
"Mmmmmm, I smell pancakes."
The baby mole tried to reach his head outside the hole but couldn't
because of the two bigger moles.
The baby mole said,
"The only thing I can smell is moleasses."

[Scaramouche]

1. That's as bad as.,"How do you eat a frog?"

A leg over both ears...

[Catshrink]

2. And Happy Mole Day to you also! n/t

[NaMeaHou]

3. another

An old lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Old Lady: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Old Lady: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Old Lady: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Old Lady: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see ... Can I see your vehicle registration papers, please?
Old Lady: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Old Lady: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Old Lady: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Old Lady: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to
see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls
for back up.
Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly
approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman
steps out of her vehicle.

Old Lady: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and
murdered the owner.
Old Lady: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothin! g but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Old Lady: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving
license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it
to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a
license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the
owner.

Old Lady: Bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too.

[Scaramouche]

5. That is the best joke I've heard in quite a while...

I love it. Clean jokes are harder to tell...

[NaMeaHou]

4. One more time

LETTER FROM A WEST VIRGINIA FARM KID, NOW AT PARIS ISLAND
> MARINE CORPS RECRUIT DEPOT
>
> Dear Ma and Pa:
> I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the
>Marine
> Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join
>up quick
> before maybe all of the places are filled. I was restless at first
>because
> you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I like
>to sleep
> late.
>
> Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot
> and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix,
>wood
> to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave
> but it is not so bad, there's warm water.
>
> Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs,
> bacon, etc. but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried
> eggplant, pie and other regular food. But tell Walt and Elmer you
>can
> always sit between two city boys that live on coffee. Their food
>plus
> yours holds you till noon, when you get fed again.
>
> It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route"
> marches, which the Platoon Sergeant says are long walks to harden
>us.
> If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different. A "route
>march"
> is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get
>sore feet
> and we all ride back in trucks.
>
> The country is nice, but awful flat. The Sergeant is like a
> schoolteacher. He nags some. The Capt. is like the school board.
>Majors and
> Colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.
>
> This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting
> medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big
>as a
> chipmunk head and don't move. And it ain't shooting at you, like
> the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all
>comfortable
> and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in
>boxes.
>
> Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to
> wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they
> break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home.
>I'm
> about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from
> over in Silver Lake.
> He joined up the same time as me. But I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds
>and
> he's 6'8" and weighs near 300 pounds dry.
>
> Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other
> fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
>
>
> Your loving daughter,
> Betty
>

[mykpart]

6. Two lesbian frogs are sitting on a lily pad.

One turns to the other and says, "You know, it's true. We really DO taste like chicken."