Headlines We'd Like To Read, May 4, 2005

[skip fox]

Republican Stance Turns Public Sour

Bush Wants Cowboy Pope Belt Buckle


Others???

[skip fox]

1. Bush Still Optimistic: Private Accounts, Bolton, DeLay, Schiavo

Now there's one to write home about!

:toast:

[TheMightyFavog]

2. Congress unanimosly passes resolution apologizing for Kent State Massacre.

President Bush to sign resolution at noon.

[Zuni]

3. Tom DeLay seen in WWI style spiked German war helmet

[Zuni]

4. Pope known to confidantes as witty teller of Goat fucking jokes

[aden_nak]

5. TRAGEDY: Bush Estate Sues Utz Pretzel Manufacturer

[Hubert Flottz]

6. UN to start War Crimes Trial today!

Bush, Ashcroft and Rumbo plead guilty!!!

[melissinha]

7. Right on!

Indisputable evidence of election fraud surfaces proving John Kerry won the Presidency

[Zuni]

8. Man finds human femur in Big Mac

:toast:

[skip fox]

11. Zuni, so many good ones, but this is

FINE!!!! :toast:

[Zuni]

9. Non-elite DUers take over Lounge in stunning coup

[Zuni]

10. One time Daddy's little princess becomes 2005's Pork Princess!

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

19. "Goodbye Pork Pie Hat"

Nods to Charles Mingus

[Zuni]

21. Pigs take revenge on local porker? Film at 11?

:shrug:

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

24. "Porkie's Revenge"

A story 'bout BBQing in the city

[skip fox]

12. New High Potency Breed of Marijuana Grows Like Weed, Wild in 47 States

(though not in Florida, Alabama, or Mississippi.)

[Zuni]

13. Bush declares war---on soap scum!

[auburngrad82]

14. Bush's Cell-mate Says Dubya's "A Gentle Lover:"

Big Joe McWhorter says that no matter how rough he gets with Dubya, Dubya always manages to shower him with "man love"

[skip fox]

29. Duyba's Favorite Web-Site: Reacharound.com

Reciprosity's Our Business!

[Zuni]

15. Surgeon general declares "Cocksmokers" suffer greater health risks

[bertha katzenengel]

16. Obscure legal secretary semi-musician becomes chorus girl on Broadway

(yes, it's all about me)

edit: what's this... did i actually kill my first thread? :woohoo:

[Zuni]

17. Zuni wins 15 million in lottery

gives money to Waldorf Cat Haven :bounce:

[bertha katzenengel]

18. HEADLINES WE'D LOVE TO SEE!

Dude! :bounce:

[Shell Beau]

20. Shell Beau wins the lottery!

[Zuni]

22. Local woman just explodes. It happens sometimes.

[Momgonepostal]

23. Cheney steps down, says Bush too stupid to work under

[all.of.me]

25. gas $.50 a gallon! prices to drop next week!

[Taxloss]

26. Blair apologises for war to British people, resigns.

- 5% spike in Labour lead
- leadership elections begin on May 6
- third landslide inevitable

[Zuni]

27. Bush goes on hunger strike to protest Iraq War

[NewJeffCT]

32. good one! lol

what is he protesting? not enough money for Halliburton in the latest $82 billion?

[skip fox]

28. DU'er Zuni Convictied Of Having Too Much Time on Hands

and too many jokes in mind.


:toast:

[Zuni]

30. Actually the DA agreed to let me plead "too f-in bored at work"

:toast:

[dxstone]

31. Runaway Bride "Frightfully Close" to Acquiring WMD! n/t

[madinmaryland]

33. President Gore announces the capture of bin Ladam

President Gore annouced that capture today of Osama bin Laden widely believed to be responsible for the bombing of the World Trade Center in 1993 and the bombings of several embassies and the USS Cole in the late 1990's. Gore and his national security advisor Richard Clarke have been lauded for the capture of 15 Saudi terrorists in August of 2001 who were planning on hijacking aircraft and flying them into various targets across the US.

[NewJeffCT]

34. Bush Agrees w/ Robertson - 7 Judges Blocked Worse than 9/11 & Pearl Harbor

Not to mention the Great Depression, the Civil War, the War of 1812, the Revolution, the Bataan Death March, Watergate, Iran-Contra, Vietnam, etc.

that would certainly spike his appeal with moderates, and the sane.