Some rules for the ladies

[illbill]

Finally, the guys' side of the story. I must admit, it's pretty
good. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the
rules from the male side.

These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON
PURPOSE!


1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put
it down. We need it up; you need it down. You don't hear us complaining
about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of
it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints
do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just SAY
it!

1. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect
us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We
have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.


1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
couch tonight. But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like
camping.

[OffWithTheirHeads]

1. This needs to be widly circulated

I'm starting now. Thanks for putting it all in one place.

[RandomKoolzip]

2. DU females: on behalf of the entire male gender, I apologize.

[aeolian]

3. I don't. :)

:hide:

"1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one."

:rofl:

[asthmaticeog]

4. What, ALL of DU's females

have your balls in their purses?

[JimmyJazz]

5. You betcha we do!

and yours too, for that matter :o

[asthmaticeog]

9. My pants tell a different story.

I dispute your claim, woman.

[JimmyJazz]

12. HA!

All your balls are belong to us. :o

[FourStarDemocrat]

13. hehe..absolutely! nt

[RandomKoolzip]

6. You got it.

I tend to sympathize with women more on these "issues," frivolous as they may seem.

However, my wife and a lot of other females don't approve of my scatological humor or my record collecting, so it all evens out.

Maybe my wife has tamed me, but I'd still rather be pussy-whipped than hand-beaten.

[Nikia]

10. Thanks

It's good to know that there are decent men in the world.

[ScreamingMeemie]

15. Thank you RKZ....

That's why I love you Best! :hug:

[Ellen Forradalom]

7. ZZZZZZZ

Boring ol' "Men are from Mars, Women are from Vegas" sexism. And not even true, for that matter. Regarding the "anything you wear is fine" rule...it isn't. I can still hear as clearly as a bell my husband saying, "You're going to the theater in those schmattes?" And my father, upon hearing the story, saying, "Thank you."

I suppose I am just the exception that proves The Rules.

[Kathy in Cambridge]

8. Hmmmmm

:eyes: :boring:

[FizzFuzz]

11. cute, in an abstinence curriculum "women are ruled by their emotions

and need rational men to reign them in" kind of way.

This kind of humor was a hoot in the 1950's.

Now get ma a beer, boy and make it snappy--"Funniest Animals" is on TV.

[ScreamingMeemie]

14. Meh...Only if you learn how to replace a roll of toilet paper, that taking

care of your own children is not called "babysitting", that washing a dish or two or even-gulp- placing them in the dishwasher is an equal opportunity kind of thing, that most women don't consider half asleep "back poking" to be foreplay...I could go on, but I bet you can figure out where I'm coming from. ;)

[bertha katzenengel]

16. I knew it! You're a god damned feminist! How could I have missed this?!

;)

[ScreamingMeemie]

17. Alert the Feds....I must be put in my place...

;) :hug:

MrG found it out the "hard way"... I do the wifely things for him because he makes me want to. :7

[bertha katzenengel]

18. Heh. Mrs. V. does the "maid" things because I won't.

:( I am a facking slob.

MrG has a gem. And so do I.

If anyone ever created such a list for lesbians, I'd be too offended to realize that it was all true of me.

[ScreamingMeemie]

19. pppsssstttt...don't tell anyone, but I'm a bit of a mess maker myself.

;) and a procrastinator. MrsV is a one heck of a lucky woman, as am I, for counting you as a friend, dear one.

[intheflow]

20. "Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we."

Uuh... wasn't Columbus lost? Didn't he think he found India, hence the name for the indigenous peoples here being called "Indians" henceforth? Wasn't Columbus responsible for the genocide of over 3 million Indians? Hardly a role model to hold yourself accountable to... have a little more respect for your gender!

And speaking of gender, aren't you perpetuating stereotypes of men as well as women in this post? x(


:P

[Phentex]

21. You're single, aren't you?

[Bunny]

22. Ahh, it's always nice to see this dreck resurface.

We see it, I'm guessing, about twice a year here. It's so charming and nice, it really makes me want to get to know these guys.

:eyes: :puke:

[samplegirl]

23. Girls

Im glad we're in charge of when were gonna get laid!!!!!