I did a bad, bad thing this morning...

[Interrobang]

After too few hours of sleep, no caffeine, two "hang-up" phone calls, and with an incipient intestinal migraine, at 10:30 this morning (I wasn't even dressed!), my doorbell went off. I can't say "it rang," because my doorbell does not ring, it buzzes like a low-tech collision alarm, only twice as loudly. I swore, put on my housecoat, and trudged downstairs to find two of the creepiest, greasiest, scariest characters on my front step. Since I have a downstairs neighbour in the house (it's been split into two apartments), and since people are always ringing my doorbell when they want her (I don't know what part of "Upper" and "Lower" labelled on the doorbells is so hard to read!), I asked them what they wanted.

The older of the two of them, a sort of greying, middle-aged, bespectacled operator (in the "confidence artist" sense of the term), smiled at me (and so did his greasy-haired, shiny-eyed younger accomplice in the rumpled black suit), and said, "We'd just like to talk to you about the Bible this morning," and reached into his disreputable-looking satchel.

Well, I lost it. I not only shot them the bird, but I started yelling at them (and I can yell *very* loudly after 10 years or so of singing lessons) to get off my porch, and if they didn't, I was going to call the police.

I think I scared my downstairs neighbour to death, and now I feel really guilty about it, but I wasn't very awake, and not feeling very well -- and I'm *not* someone you want to annoy when I'm half-asleep, uncaffeinated, and developing a migraine. Whoops.

There were *much* better ways I could have handled that, but I'm a hand grenade with the pin pulled, first thing in the morning. I need anger management lessons, I guess...

[MuseRider]

1. I always "try" to be polite

but you know, it isn't like you don't know where to go find a bible if you are interested. It really pisses me off to be annoyed by anyone like that at home or on the phone. I also realize that many of these people are sent out by their church, I have a passle of relatives like that but still, if you wanted to talk about God today I am sure you could have found the place to do it. Don't worry, God him/herself may have gotten a real chuckle out of it.

[Malva Zebrina]

2. They do not seem to ever consider those who they attack like that

it is considered their "right" to invade the space of others and never ever consider that that may not be exactly respectful to the space of others.

I would not feel any guilt whatsover--they are the guiltless intruders==why shoud you beat yourself over the head for their stupidity and selfish zeal?

[Skittles]

3. that WAS a bad thing

a simple I"M NOT INTERESTED would have sufficed. However, I am in no real postition to lecture anyone about bad behavior. (note to anyone who agrees - I'LL KICK YOUR ASS).

[Interrobang]

17. Yeah, but I feel guilty for scaring my neighbour...

*Not* for driving off the religious snake-oil salesmen by yelling at them. In this neighbourhood, you can't be too careful about who comes to your door. I have had two people arrested in my backyard since moving here, one because he was trying to break into the downstairs apartment.

[TXlib]

38. Promises, promises...

I'LL KICK YOUR ASS

You still owe me an ass-kicking.

[Skittles]

43. LATER

I'M ON-CALL RIGHT NOW. x(

[ProfessorGAC]

49. I'll Agree

Just wanted to see what would happen. Curious sort that i am.
The Professor

[Maple]

4. I'm not sure

what an intestinal migraine is....but you did the right thing.

Waking up a perfect stranger to try and convert them....well, they were asking for it.

Thank you from many of us.

[short bus president]

13. Your god finds it necessary to interrupt my sleep?

NO CONVERSION FOR YOU!

[catzies]

19. ROFL, Short Bus President! Welcome to DU!

Great picture ya got there.

[short bus president]

24. thanks for the welcome, katzies

but for the record, I'm AKA Whatabildeberger, so not so much a newcomer as a new-namer.

Just doing my part to add to the mass confusion of DU2. :7

[madrchsod]

27. that`s where you went

i thought you mentioned something about changing your name

[short bus president]

28. actually, I now have

both accounts, since I found the password for the WaB account written down. Which means I now have a partner for the next Lounge singing of "100 bottles of beer on the wall." :evilgrin:

[celestia671]

23. Funny pic, shortbus!

:evilgrin:

[Interrobang]

18. An intestinal migraine...

Gives you all the symptoms of a regular migraine -- nausea, tunnel vision, photosensitivity, etc., but instead of a pain in the *head,* your guts knot up and you can't get off the pot.

[iluvchicago86]

5. Good Job...

I'm not quite the early bird either. I wake up at oh...11:30ish every day now that I'm on vacation. Solicitors do not greet a friendly girl if they choose to wake me up. Earlier this week I recieved a call from my school reminding me I had senior pictures...I had to restrain myself from yelling at them, but my sarcasm did not fail to ooze out even at such an early hour. Do not fret my friend, you need no anger management lessons. What those two dudes need is courtesy lessons.
Kudos my friend:thumbsup: :hi:

[DarkPhenyx]

6. I usually answer the door in my underware.

After that most leave. Those that don't get the hint usually get more of my personality than they really want. Lately I've had much fewer "visitors". I think the house has been put on the "bad" list for most of the local churches and other organizations.

[LibertyorDeath]

11. Where do you live...& what kind of undies are we talkin about ?

[DarkPhenyx]

15. Raleigh, NC...

...and it's usually tighty whitey undies. Sorry, nothing truly interesting or unsual.

[1monster]

29. I answered once wearing only a towel... And I still had

a difficult time getting them to go! :grr:

[RC]

32. You are surprised?

That towel may have been the reason why... :evilgrin:

[wtmusic]

7. I used to do that

until I had to go door to door for a job. Funny how that changes your outlook.

[Maple]

8. Stop going door to door

all you're doing is annoying people to no purpose.

[DarkPhenyx]

10. Amen.

I see no need to invade people privacy and annoy them in their home. Time was they used to pour boiling oil on people heads when they did things like that. Ahhhh, the good ole days. :)

[wtmusic]

14. No, no...long time ago

but I think some people end up in situations where they feel they have to.

Working phones for a political campaign is the same deal.

I'll tell you when I do go off --- and I mean OFFFFFFFFF -- is when I politely tell someone I'm not interested and they continue to talk over me. Grrrrr...sic em boy.

[LibertyorDeath]

9. Kudos to you... Next time tell them you're just not interested in Cults or

mind control through guilt fear & persuasion !

I feel better just reading your post. Now go get some Coffee...

[Dirty Hippie]

12. I pretend I cannot speak English

Works every time.

[catzies]

20. I've learned "I don't speak English" in several languages just for that.

n/t

[Interrobang]

45. The problem is...

When I have my wits about me (which I do not, when I'm underslept, undercaffeinated, and undermedicated), I can say "I don't speak English" (and then some) in at least five languages now. Y'd think I'd have that covered!

I mean, I could say:

"Excusez-moi, mais je ne parle pas Anglais. Si vous ne departez pas toute de suite, je vais appeler le police," but that probably wouldn't work too well, because half of everyone around here speaks enough French to understand, and some of them could probably just switch over.

Or, I could say:

"No hablo ingles. No quiero oir de tuyo Dio, y si no vienes muy pronto, voy a telefoner la policia," which would probably work better, because there aren't that many Spanish-speaking people around here who'd be likely to be evangelizing me at 10:30 in the morning on a Saturday.

Or, I could say:

"Eigo o hanashimasen. Kankokujin deshooka, ne? Itte kudasai ga, pohrisu o denwa o shimasu, ne?" but that wouldn't work as well for me, because I'd soon be at the limits of my workable vocabulary for the situation (even despite the potent idiom), although the likelihood of greasy Bible-oil salesmen's being able to speak Japanese is practically nil, at least around here.

Or if I really wanted to stretch myself, I could say:

"Slikha, ani lo medaber Anglit. Todah, v'Shabbat shalom." Being Saturday at the time, this would have been perfectly correct, but it would have pretty much exhausted my vocabulary for the situation, as I'm a total beginner in Hebrew. (Perhaps I could add a few pungent Yiddish idioms? *"Ikh hob a krenk, du dreck auf dem teller! Arumloifer! Grubber yung!"*)

[undergroundpanther]

16. Evangelists...

evangelists are religion salesmen.Just because they aren't peddling vacuum cleaners and peddle thier religion does not change the fact they are selling you thier god.
I hate getting spam,junk mail,fiddling away time dealing with salesmen, telemarketers,and thier ilk.

Just because evangelists are"spiritual" salesmen,doesen't mean they aren't selling something.
They are selling thier brand of church,and often churches to belong to them ask for your trust,aherance to thier interpretations of the unknown,and that you"respect" thier clergy and let them"guide" you.Religions that sell door to door,or through"charity" seek to indoctrinate you to be like they are,and to do it to your children.Alot of churches are to me,sales scams selling you thier way to think for the cold comfort of mass agreement when facing unknowns.In case you ever thought about it popular belie3f makes nothing true only experinces can, The ones YOU have and the ones you understand best..Why do I say this abourt evangelists,because churches that"do good" do it for a psychological price which is to sit there listening to thier sales pitch,if you get thier"free" food or clothes.Sometimes you are asked to pray and imitate them or you are asked,no pestered to convert.

I treat evangelists like salesmen/scam artists.

With the really good scams you never really suspect you are being sold a lot of bunk during the sales pitch until it's all over and a bad experince with sick group mileus has taught you not to trust in "well meaning"strangers banging on your door to sell you a belief system .It's still intrusive and still salesmanship even when our consumer culture isn't saying it is salesmanship to do this.

Don't feel bad about flipping off religion salespeople.How else would they ever understand it is RUDE to bang on people's doors early in the morning to push something the person being rudely awakened never asked to look into already? Why do we get pissed off at junk mail, spam or advertizing? Because it is INTRUSIVE and selling us on things we don't desire until we are convinced(by salespeople) we want it..
Would you feel guilty over deleting unwanted porn spam or hanging up on a talky telemarketer calling during dinnertime to sell you long distance,Or slamming the door on some yahoo wasting your time at your door to offer you a "free" florida vacation if you just agree to listen to thier all day long sales pitch for thier get rich quick deals on waterfront property? Being assertive and colorful about it is not wrong when someone presumes you want to be lectured or converted..

Maybe there would not be so many stupid ads on TV,junk mailin the mailbox,ads in the bathroom stalls at restaurants, or a need for a national telemarketer no call list if people had more guts and balls when saying no to salesmen! Pushy greedy people and thier hired minions won't respect you unless you make them understand what they do is disrespectful.

So why bother to be nice to salesevangelists selling thier church's "deal" on salvation? They are like all salesmen are, intrusive,presumptious ,manipulative and pushy as any of the other salesmen who don't sell god are.
What's the difference really...

If any sorts of salesmen are intrusive and a bother to you at any time ,kick them out the door with no regrets.
No use feeling guilty it was your space and time that was invaded by them.
If you get one salesman discouraged enough with his job to actually quit working in sales or in advertizing you have done the whole world a service.

[MercutioATC]

21. "Sure, but you have to help me sacrifice this goat first" works for me

...amazing how some people have NO sense of humor...

[celestia671]

22. The Jehovah's Witnesses always come...

at my worst times, just waking up, sick, just out of the shower, etc... I'm polite and tell them it's not a good time, and they go away.

As for the guys on your doorstep this morning, you never know, they might have been criminals wanting to get into your house or something.

[AnnabelLee]

25. I remember reading a story

about how a man got rid of some proselytizers that had come to his door. It just so happened that this man liked to participate in Braveheart role-playing, & was all dressed up & ready to go, with the paint on his face, wild hair & costume. His doorbell rang, & when he saw who it was, he yelled over his shoulder, "Get the bonesaw!" The proselytizers left very quickly.:evilgrin:

[TXlib]

39. Yes, I reported that story.

I can repost it, if you like.

[sam sarrha]

26. door bell spam........

a friend of mine said he looked at a training book for the weekend morning bible pushers, they always ask you what your personal faith is.... the book has them all listed with the proper canned responce, being a Buddhist he looked that up....it said not to waste your time, Buddhists couldnt be converted, I am never bothered maybe it is the Prayer Flags over my door. Another quick story.. I'm at a frinds house, 2 Mormons ring the bell, Anne invites them in. she says that she will listen to Mormonism if she can tell them about Buddhism..OK. she gets them cookies and milk and listens, then explanes Buddhism.... then one of the Mormons says..."You mean if i was a Buddhist I wouldnt have to walk around all day and knock on peoples doors ?" the other Mormon grabbed him and drug him out the door.

[revcarol]

30. My reply (true):

You mean you want to join "my church?" Oh, that's wunnerful!! (I live in a parsonage of another denomination!!)

[LiberalLibra]

31. I laughed so hard reading this!! BTW, I'm the same way before

....having coffee. The rule around here is, if something needs more than a grunt they had best wait until I've had at least one cup of coffee. If something needs any thought at all then they wait until my third cup. Anyone challenging the rules usually don't do so more than once.

on edit: My usual response to the door-to-door religious people is to nicely say "No thank You", once. If they challenge that then I do the "NOOOOOO THA.....NK Y....OU" routine. They get they point real quick. In fact most of them avoid my house now. Thank goodness!!

[DS1]

33. Don't worry, I have a no responsibility clause for my first 5 minutes

of being awake :evilgrin:

[Circe_Invidiosa]

34. i wish i could just think of a good line

to tell the door to door folks as well as those telemarketers...i tell ya when mci or att wakes me up on a sat morning ....only one of two mornings i can sleep late...i just say not interested and hang up ...they're usually still talking...

someone told me i should just say just a minute and put the phone down and not come back but...

i dont

might try it next time though...

[northofdenali]

35. Maybe you've helped prevent them from getting shot!

I always want to reach for the shotgun when rudely awakened......

Seriously, we were at a friend's house one morning (late) after a huge party the night before. Ashtrays full, beer cans everywhere, Dave (my friend) in ratty cutoffs, hair down to his waist, barely awake.....

We spot a mom-and-kids team coming up the walk. Dave immediately grabbed a beer from the fridge, opened it, lit a cigar, undid the button on the cutoffs - opened the door and said "come on in". Never seen a crew with that many kids move so damn fast.

They didn't come back, either.

I usually just order them off the property with the admonition that they're trespassing (you have to see the sign to get to the door) and that I keep a shotgun handy for bears.........

[rbnyc]

36. I think you did fine.

It's your porch. It's your bell. It's your Sunday morning. You can say whatever you want to people that come intruding to talk to you about the bible, even if you'd had plenty of sleep and were feeling great.

EDIT: typo

[Interrobang]

46. Saturday morning, Saturday morning.

Which made it even worse. I usually do all my stuff on Sunday, because after Friday, I'm wiped all of Saturday, most weeks.

[TXlib]

37. I'd have asked them, "How'd you like to become a Martyr?"

Telemarketers are bad enough, but the fucking missionaries are lucky I don't unload an entire clip of ammo into their miniscule crania.

And that's mostly because I don't own a handgun.

I say we ship the fucking lot of the door-to-door types to Iraq and Saudi Arabia. If any are left after six months then they can tell me about how they're persecuted.

Sorry, but these bozos REALLY piss me off. There's nothing so in-your-face, holier-than-thou than, "Oh, we see you're home on Sunday morning, so we'd like to invade your privacy and thrust our beliefs down your throat."

[Bluzmann57]

40. Martyr? I asked 'em in for a beer.

I was cutting my grass on a real hot summer day here in the heartland and saw them coming. I quickly went to the back yard and popped open an ice cold delicious frosty beer. When they got to my house, I asked them if they wanted a beer. They declined and moved on. I said AMF.

[Nobody]

47. On a SUNDAY MORNING????

I haven't gotten them on Sundays before, usually on weekdays or Saturdays.

If I ever get one on a Sunday and they're from the Mormons or the Jehova's Witnesses, I'd ask them why they're not in church.

[Interrobang]

48. Saturday morning!

As I mentioned above, it was Saturday morning. :) This post has been hanging out for awhile. Then again, Saturday is usually my "hang out and do nothing" day...

[roguevalley]

41. next time, ask where they are from and call them at 3 in the morning.

tell them you are ready to listen. Or better yet,
take you off their list.

[Blue_Chill]

42. Bad? no. Funny? YES!

I read your post and laughed my ass off. Fuck them freaks and their door to door shit. If they want to push their views on society they can stand on a soap box at a street corner like everyone else.

[sandnsea]

44. I've done it too

If they want to ring my doorbell, they can take what they get.

I am totally fed up with JW's. We had a kid commit suicide in the little town I lived in several years ago. That hits everybody in a little town. So a few weeks later some JW's come by pretending they wanted to do something about teen suicide. I invite them in, naturally, and they flip out their Watchtower pamphlets. You don't know mad until I get mad!

I feel no need to be respectful to this people any longer. Although I do usually hold my temper, but not always.

[ProfessorGAC]

50. The Ultimate Statement To These Folks

It happened to me with the Witnesses from time to time.

Well, finally i found the perfect solution. Civil, but direct, and shakes them to their roots.

When i opened the door and they introduced themselves i said "Yeah, i know. God just told me you were coming. God told me to let you know you've got this whole thing wrong. God wants you to stop bothering people. Now, if you want me to explain to you what God wants you to do, give me a minute. But, if not, then consider youselves damned. Not my decision. I'm just the messenger."

They ran out of there like they were shot out of a gun. I think we ended up on the "heathen" list, because they've never been back.
The Professor