"Jane you ignorant slut" and other great SNL lines/or real life rebutals

[HEyHEY]

Take it away DU

[slackmaster]

1. Drug commercials always make me think of Happy Fun Ball

The disclaimers crack me up.

[HEyHEY]

2. I always like "Levi's three legged jeans"

That was god too

[Wolfman 11]

7. Crotchbat!

[LynneSin]

67. I taunted the Happy Fun Ball

[Bunny]

3. Doggie Downers

and Puppy Uppers. You know, for when your dog needs "help".

[HEyHEY]

4. Don't laugh it's real!

My mom had to give the cat some form of Kitty Prozac....sick world we live in!

[MissMillie]

61. My cat was on prozac for a while

And guess what... it's expensive. Alas, no healthy insurance for the poor puss.

[Richardo]

5. Rebuttals: Excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

[HEyHEY]

6. who was that again?

Drawing a blank

Edit: wait that was my little sister!

[Richardo]

9. Steve Martin in a semi-recurring role....

[slackmaster]

11. Theodoric of York, Medieval Barber

Nah!

[Beer Snob-50]

8. My wife

had a book on the early years of SNL and there was a commercial for Placenta Helper that had me roaring. I wish I could find the book since we moved.

[Robb]

62. Great story

My old boss the chef also sharpened knives for a little money on the side. Anyhow, he did this set for a kinda weird hippy couple... he tells this story so well... anyhow, the guy was there to pick up his knives, and says something like "Well, this is great. We've been working so hard trying to cut the placenta."

And my chef says, "Actually, it's pronounced 'polenta', and yeah, when it gets dry or something it's tough to cut."

"We've always said 'placenta'," said the guy. "We've been cutting it up and putting it into shakes in the morning."

"No, no," says my chef. "Polenta. It's pronounced 'polenta'..."

Goes on for a bit, disbelieving. Ewww...!

[mbartko]

10. Base-aball been belly belly good to me

(P.S. No offense to Hispanics intended)

[trof]

12. Thatsa some speecy pizza

The "I-can't-believe-I-ate-the-WHOLE-thing" Alka Seltzer commercial.

[Character Assassin]

13. I'm gonna get me a shotgun and kill all the whities I seeeeeee....

[blm]

33. heh....my ex wrote that one. Lifers Follies - "Gigi"

.

[cosmicdot]

14. Well, isn't that special?

oh, I don't know ... who could it be Enid? ... could it be ...
SATAN!!???

[SOteric]

15. Oh. Nevermind.

[GOPisEvil]

31. It just goes to show...it's always something.

[DBoon]

16. Candygram?

n/t

[kmla]

17. Fred Garvin

Male prostitute...

[peekaloo]

36. let me strike some seductive poses for you

LMAO

[speckledgator]

18. *knock knock*

Landshark!

[kanrok]

19. It'll behoove 'ya to take care a your uvula!

Hey, Bill, how's your pancreas?

[kodi]

20. no coke, pepsi.

.

[Guaranteed]

21. "Can we still not have sex?"

That's actually from Roseanne. But it's always stuck with me.

[Deja Q]

23. Didn't Al Bundy say that once, too?

:D

I think Married w/Children got there first, but Roseanne was on a more popular network at the time... Early on, both series were similiar. Though Roseanne took a turn for the better and MWC turned utterly shallow. Okay, Roseanne became shallow but only in its final season...

[Guaranteed]

50. Certainly could have been..

...this one was David saying it to Darlene when she was breaking up with him. In the context it was some of the most biting sarcasm I've ever heard.

[alfredo]

22. It's a floor wax and a desert topping

n/t

[joeybee12]

24. "Jane, you MAGNIFICENTLY ignorant slut"

One time, just to vary the traditional line, Dan Akyrod said this to Jane Curtin.

[Skittles]

25. I notice some of your Schweddy balls are misshapen

:7

[Catholic Sensation]

26. Petchow Rat Poison

This commercial parody is great because if one listens closely, the groans and horror of the audience can be heard.

Another great line was when Christopher Walken was doing the "Continental" and said something like

"Do you like this painting?"
*the "woman" nods yes*
"I got it from Target"

SNL has become considerably weaker with the lack of decent writers (I don't care he's a conservative, James Downey is a great writer and should be head writer, not Tina "I don't want to be offensive to the Government" Fey)

The best sketch is the 1988 Republican Debate, Al Franken's Pat Robertson was hilarious.

[AlGore-08.com]

27. We are from France.

[SOteric]

32. Beldar! Stop honing your cone!

[VOX]

28. "I'm Gumby, dammit!"

:kick:

[Norbert]

29. Never mind..........................................Bitch!

Waht's all this I hear about endangered feces?

[name not needed]

30. .

MY NAME IS MATT FOLEY AND I LIVE IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!

Good evening. I'm Chevy Chase, and you're not

[blm]

34. USPO stamp honoring prostitution is .22. If you lick it, it's a quarter.

Heheh.

[Philostopher]

35. How many times do I have to tell you kids ...

TO GET OFF THE GODDAMNED SHED?

This was funny the first time I saw it -- a rarity for the past few years on SNL -- but then it became a punch line on Spinnwebe's 'Dysfunctional Family Circus' site and I haven't forgotten it.

[peekaloo]

37. Buuuuttttttttttt nnnnnnooooooooooooooo.......................

[LibertyorDeath]

38. Buger Buger ChezzBuger Pepsi.........

[cosmosmom]

39. Knock Knock. Who's There? Shark. n/t

[MissMillie]

60. Candy-gram! (n/t)

.

[lpbk2713]

40. "That would be decent, I must say."

"It is better to look good than to feel good, if you know what I'm telling you my darling."

[AntiCoup2K4]

41. "Mick, you ignorant slut!"

as said by Mick Jagger - dressed as Keith Richards, to Mike Meyers - dressed as Mick! (1993)

[FloridaJudy]

Never mind....Bitch!!

I use this daily, along with "it's always something".

Catherine Coulter is still alive. Gilda Radner died. God is NOT in charge!

[Name removed]

42. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Tredge]

43. A got a few

"Acting!"
"GENIUS!"
"Thhhhhank you."
-John Lithgow and The Thespian (Jon Lovitz)

"Are you implying that Renfield and I are lovers? ...I am a man of many secrets, it's true, but humping a mental defective isn't one of them. I'm a vampire; I suck human blood; I am not gay!"
- John Travolta as Dracula

"Guess what? I got a fever! And the only prescription... is more cowbell!"
- Christopher Walken

"And that's how the Christmas Kangaroo's reign of terror ended. Now, sure, on Christmas morning all the Australian boys and girls might not get toys, but it spared the horror of watching a giant marsupial taking their old man to browntown. And isn't that what Christmas is all about? Happy Holidays, everybody!"
-Hugh Jackman and the story of the Christmas Kangaroo

Just a few for now...

[Name removed]

44. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[FloridaJudy]

45. Aaarrrghhh, Sorry..

That I posted my riposte three times...

My computer is having a Blonde Day. I used to be a Blonde myself, until I dyed my hair Red (a concrete example of Artificial Intelligence).

Judy

[BigMcLargehuge]

48. no problem, I cleaned them up for you :)

welcome to DU

:hi:

Big McLargehuge
DU Moderator

[chefgirl]

46. Little Chocolate Donuts.....

The breakfast of Champions!

'Homocil', because its your problem, not theirs.

-chef-

[baldguy]

47. I was . . uh . . President of the United States!

Yea, I was appointed by the Supreme Court! Yea, that's the ticket!

[qb]

49. It's chock full of minerals!

Jane Curtin in the "Quarry" breakfast cereal commercial (sounds of crunching rocks - or is it shattering teeth - in the background)

[Serial Mom]

51. But as my father said, Rosanne, it's alway something

[LuLu550]

52. Emily Latilla

"Never Mind"

[scarlet_owl]

53. "You boys got a problem with my crotch?"

Cracklin' Crotch cracks me up every time!

[LynneSin]

54. I will leave no White Man behind

- Trent Lott (as played by Al Gore) on SNL's Hardball sketch

[bif]

55. "It's just called blowing"

"That's not actually what you do"--Chevy Chase on a phone call while doing the news. I can' believe they got away with that one!

[peekaloo]

56. Pussy Whip....the first dessert topping for cats.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

57. "Black Vet"

"I've told you a thousand times, son, stay away from the sheep!"

[demgurl]

58. I like the "Oooops, I crapped my pants" commercial. nt

[Beaker]

59. Mmmmmm....that's good BASS!

I love my Bass-o-matic.

[nini]

63. You look Mahvalous!

Billy Crystal....

I loved that skit.

[Jeff in Cincinnati]

64. Schwing!!!

.

[Brewman_Jax]

65. "Your anger is delicious"

complients of Dieter

[MaineDem]

66. My wife, Morgan Fairchild

Umm, yes, that's the ticket!

[northzax]

68. Bad Idea Jeans

"You know, I know it's been over for five years, but I really think I should tell my wife about my affair."

"I always wear a condom, but then I figured, hey, how often are you in Haiti?"

[donotpassgo]

69. Mmmm...I love those Schwetty balls.

I've never laughed so hard as when Alec Baldwin does SNL.

[SPQR]

70. Knock knock

Who's there?
Babs' uvula.
Babs' uvula who?
I don't know, Babs. But I do know this....

And how can we forget Jane Curtain as the always rational TV interviewer Joan Face?