Things NOT To Say During The Papal Conclave

[matcom]

:bounce:

ready?

GO!

[trotsky]

1. "Check out the hot new altar boy..."

:evilgrin:

[matcom]

3. DOH!

:rofl:

[Midlodemocrat]

2. Does this robe make my butt look fat? (nt)

[northzax]

4. you know, Mohammed had some good ideas

[kwassa]

5. God told me this morning that I am the next Pope .....

[Radical Activist]

6. Let's not pick a guy who approves the slave trade or ignores the holocaust

this time.

[Brotherjohn]

7. Hey, aren't those 2004 Cuyahoga County ballots burning in there?

[4_Legs_Good]

72. LMAO

Perfect!

:)

david

[underpants]

8. Do you validate?

I mean I AM on a Cardinal's budget here

[matcom]

11. WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM

:evilgrin:

[elperromagico]

9. "First off, are we sure the last Pope is actually dead?"

"I mean, really sure?"

[northzax]

16. nah, they already hit him with the silver hammer

he's dead.

[Arkana]

10. "Hey, what's up with Ratzinger's robes?

Every time that one altar boy passes..."

[Radical Activist]

12. Well, I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition...

NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!!!

[northzax]

13. PS: I am gay.

[Spider Jerusalem]

14. "Christ. How long are we gonna be locked up in here? I need to get laid."

[kwassa]

15. We need married priests, women priests, and a gay Pope .....

[elperromagico]

17. "My wife is a Ratzinger supporter."

[Brotherjohn]

18. Can't we get Diebold to handle this?

[underpants]

19. Okay which smarta** American wrote down "Reagan"?

:scared:

[kwassa]

20. You know, as Pope I will be Pro-Choice, and ....

[CO Liberal]

21. "Did You Bring the 'Girls Gone Wild' Videos?"

:-)

[Brotherjohn]

23. "Did you bring the 'Altar-Boys Gone Wild' videos?"

[underpants]

22. Are you sure? We better get the Jewish accountants to recount that

:bounce:

[Radical Activist]

33. oh that's bad

lol

[Emops]

24. "Anyone bring the Sinead O'Connor CDs?"

"It's raining men!"

[underpants]

25. "I'll Go Tally The Votes"

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x3072916

[Bunny]

32. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

:thumbsup:

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

26. I've seen baby-kissers get elected, but this is ridiculous! (nt)

[matcom]

27. PEE BREAK!!

[kwassa]

28. Well, I've always been infallible, so ...

[elperromagico]

29. "I don't care what anybody says. I think Jacko is innocent."

[barb162]

30. I was trying to top these guys above and ...can't

[matcom]

31. i'm hungry. go wrestle us up some Dove!

:bounce:

[RedCloud]

34. Wasn't Michael Jackson a rat singer too?

Or

I have had it with all this papal bull.

[EFerrari]

84. OH, that hurt. And me a recovering Catholic. n/t

[Done]

35. "Anybody got any weed?"

[merh]

36. "So, do you think Jesus really did it with Mary Magdalene?"

n/t

[Radical Activist]

37. I think that Martin Luther guy may have been on to something.

[libnnc]

38. Dudes! Can't we settle this with rock-paper-scissors?

I've got shit to do, man...

[BringEmOn]

39. If we really can't buy our way into heaven, we're all in deep shit

[Radical Activist]

40. "Man, those people at the Chicago underpass are fucking nuts"

[xultar]

41. This damnation thing doesn't work call DIEBOLD. n/t

[underpants]

42. Oy Vey! Again the Brazilians and their "Swimsuit competition"

When will it ever stop?

[underpants]

45. Okay we counted up the 115 votes...Bush wins 183 to 5

Hold it! How can that be?

[JimmyJazz]

43. Holy Moses on a Matzo -

It's hot in here!

[xultar]

44. Alright, no alter boys under the robes people! n/t

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

46. I think we need to let up on women and gays

[underpants]

47. Anyone else have a sort of Salt Peter aftertaste from lunch?

:bounce:

[matcom]

48. hey Cardinal Law!!!

put out that JOINT! you'll fuck up the smoke!

[lenidog]

49. So where again in the Bible does it say we have to be celibate?

[dbonds]

50. I have on pink french cut panties under this robe.

[Bok_Tukalo]

51. "Why bother? It's not like anyone cares."

<poe>

[lenidog]

52. I'm bored lets rent the Last Temptation of Christ

[northzax]

53. I hate orphans.

[AlGore-08.com]

54. I'm taking the name McPope Ronald I.

eom

[Lisa]

55. "I say we pick Martin Sheen and call it a day"

(my secret fantasy about all of this ...)

[merh]

56. "So, what do you think about this rapture thing?"

n/t

[Done]

57. "When I'm pope, I'm gonna name myself Pope Lucifer the first"

[KamaAina]

58. "Is there a WiFi hotspot in here? I need to check in at DU."

:-)

[xultar]

77. Woot Woot

:applause:

[Radical Activist]

59. What we really need is a good old fashioned crusade!

[BringEmOn]

60. That Michael Jackson dude has been stealing our thunder, lately.

[LynneSin]

61. Who would George W. Bush appoint

:eyes:

[Lars39]

62. With a few more coals I can bake a cobbler in my dutch oven.

:):spank:

[LynneSin]

63. We should pick Cardinal Law, just to piss off the Americans

:eyes:

[ronnykmarshall]

64. Damn these robes itch.

[NoPasaran]

65. Did you ever look at your hands, man?

I mean, Reeeeeelly look at 'em?

[ronnykmarshall]

66. Toga! Toga! Toga!

[ScreamingMeemie]

67. If you pick me, I'm going with Pope Hilarius!

Side note: that would be so cool! :bounce:

[underpants]

68. Boy this place could really use a fresh coat of paint

How old is that anyway?

[underpants]

69. Yeah I wonder what Hildi would do with it

[underpants]

70. Hildi? I HATE Hildi what about Vern?

[underpants]

71. Okay as long as it ain't Frank

he goes crazy with the paintings

[Bridget Burke]

80. There was an Animaniacs episode...

In which they traveled back in time to "help" Michelangelo.

Can you say "Dogs playing poker" in the ceiling?

[Midlodemocrat]

83. Hildi would plaster moss to the walls

just for an 'effect'. And Doug would remove all the seating and put in track lighting.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

73. This conclave hasn't nearly enough cowbell.

[understandinglife]

74. "I buy Cialis online, bro....."

www.missionnotaccomplished.us (popes and priests are welcome to participate)

[xultar]

78. Woot Woot!

:applause:

[Salviati]

75. "You wouldn't believe how many bean burretos I just ate!"

[xultar]

76. Gurrrrrllllfriend, that looks so droopy on you! n/t

[xultar]

79. Baby powder helps with the chafing! n/t

:hide:

[ReadTomPaine]

81. Who drank the last glass of the Courvoisier!!

:mad:

[warrens]

82. I think that Dan Brown guy would be perfect in the job. nt

[the Princess]

85. I only want to be Pope for the Bling Bling

-OR-

I have such a hard-on where is that Nun that promised me a blow job??

[Burma Jones]

86. Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha'olam....

Borei peri ha-motzi le-chem min ha-aretz.

-OR-

Blessings for Various Occasions

On seeing Lightning and other natural wonders

Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha'olam oseh ma'aseh vereshit.
We praise You, Eternal God, Sovereign of the universe, Source of creation and its wonders.

Upon recovery from serious illness or upon escape from danger

Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha'olam shegemalani kol tov.
I praise You, Eternal God, Sovereign of the universe, who bestows great goodness upon me.

On seeing the ocean

Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha'olam she'asah et hayam hagadol.
We praise You, Eternal God, Sovereign of the universe, for the life-giving waters of the sea.

Over bread

Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha'olam Borei peri ha-motzi le-chem min ha-aretz.
We praise You, Eternal God, Sovereign of the universe.

Over wine

Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha'olam Borei peri ha-gafen.
We praise You, Eternal God, Sovereign of the universe, Creator of the the fruit of the vine.

Over fruits that grow in soil

Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha'olam Borei peri ha'adama.
We praise You, Eternal God, Sovereign of the universe, Creator of the fruit of the soil.

Over fruits that grow on trees

Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha'olam Borei peri ha'etz.
We praise You, Eternal God, Sovereign of the universe, Creator of the fruit of the tree.

Over pastry

Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha'olam Borei minei mezonot.
We praise You, Eternal God, Sovereign of the universe, Creator of many kinds of food.

Over food other than breads, fruits or vegetables, and over liquids other than wine

Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha'olam shehakol niheyeh bidevaro.
We praise You, Eternal God, Sovereign of the universe, by whose word all things come into being.

[RevCheesehead]

87. "Poping is Hard Work"

[Arugula Latte]

93. *snort!*

[AlGore-08.com]

88. That Original Sin is okay, but I prefer Extra Crispy Sin.

eom

[RetroLounge]

89. Okay, someone remind me what we burn for white smoke?

Witches or Jews?

RL

[Hardrada]

90. What's your sign? I don't think red is an air sign color.

This IS kind of a groove, man.

[Hardrada]

91. As the Prophet said, peace be unto him...

[Arugula Latte]

92. Here's my confession: I can't LIVE without Desperate Housewives!

nt

[neuvocat]

94. I likeda sauce.

[peacefreak]

95. So, ya come here, often?

[u4ic]

96. Only if Dick can be my Vice-Pope

[Wickerman]

97. Ratzinger, I guarantee it.

I'm Cheney to his Bush...

err...

nevermind

[sakabatou]

98. *pst* "I heard he was an athiest..."

[Rabrrrrrr]

99. My dick is soaked in gin - who wants it?

[katinmn]

100. Allah, it's hot in here!

[BikeWriter]

101. The Pope's condition is stable. He's still dead.

[CO Liberal]

102. Let's Do "The Wave"

:-)

[MrScorpio]

103. "Blessed be!"

nt

[underpants]

104. .......but I did stay at a Holy Day Inn Expressio last night

[matcom]

105. bbbbbbbbbbbboooooooooooo

:P

[leftofthedial]

106. Hey everyone! Let's kiss Hank's ass!

[Patiod]

107. "It's okay I was in the Hitler Youth, right?" nt

[matcom]

108. hey Peter! Throw another Duraflame on the fire!

NO!!!! Not THAT FIRE!!!