Headlines We'd Like to Read, April 14, 2005

[skip fox]

1998 Bolton Speech Found: "BoyScouts of America are a communist front"

Rove Dismisses CrossDressing Stigma



you got some???

[Mutley]

1. ...

[skip fox]

2. Bolton's Plans to Demolish UN Revealed

:toast:

[Zuni]

3. Wisconsin Cat shoots cat hunter in tragic 'accident'

[skip fox]

4. Butterflies Second Most Carrier of Rabies

yikes!

:toast:

[7th_Sephiroth]

5. "President G.W.Bush dead of cocaine O.D."

"V.P. Cheney has 700th heart attack, sets world record, called "God's yo-yo""

[Democrats_win]

6. Shelves of ethics books fall, Crush Tom Delay

Denver Nuggets win NBA championship

* finishes service in Texas Air National Guard

President signs Guaranteed Health Care Bill

Quality of Life in US Improves

[skip fox]

7. DeLay Resigns During Fit of "Self-Loathing"

:toast:

[ImpeachBush]

8. Cost Of Living Now Outweighs Benefits

WASHINGTON, DC—A report released Monday by the Federal Consumer Quality-Of-Life Control Board indicates that the cost of living now outstrips life's benefits for many Americans.

"This is sobering news," said study director Jack Farness. "For the first time, we have statistical evidence of what we've suspected for the past 40 years: Life really isn't worth living."

<End snip>

For the whole story: http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4115&n=1

[Emops]

9. This just in from the New York Times:

[HughBeaumont]

10. Karl Rove Found Bludgeoned to Death by Own Ego

First Lady Recuperating After Runaway Mandible Spasm
$1 Billion Personal Wealth Cap Enacted on Corporate America
Anne Coulter, Sean Hannity Arrested After Racial-slur Drenched Program
John Bolton Found to Have Mustache Crabs
World Thinks President Bush a "Corporate Anal Muncher" and "Nuclear Reichfuhrer"
Leading IT Companies To Hire 400,000 American Workers
Five High School Popular Athlete-Bullies Hospitalized After Pummeling by Victims
Hollywood to Release Film That's NOT a Remake, Rehash or Sequel

[skip fox]

11. Hey! The last one's out of bounds!

We should stick with the credible, the possible.


:toast:

[HughBeaumont]

14. Dream a little dream . . . with me.

SOMEone has to . . . Hollybland sure can't.

Can't believe they're now going to be shitting on Bad News Bears ......

[jakefrep]

12. Jerry Falwell To Move Liberty University to Baghdad

Christian Coalition Shut Down By $100M Tax Levy

[skip fox]

13. Politican's Agree To Work For Best Country

:toast:

[skip fox]

15. Alien Encampment Found in Wolfowitz's Hair

:toast:

[Liberalynn]

16. All Republican Office Holders Across the US

voluntarily resign from office. Admit they don't their behinds from hole in the ground.

[Robeson]

17. Republican Party Collapses! Former Members Nowhere to be Found!!!...

...story at 11:OO! :woohoo: