Jokes with realistic endings

[Heidi]

An example of what awaits you at: http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=2792

Jokes with realistic endings

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Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken with a centipede?

A: A media circus about the debate over the morals and ethics of genetic engineering.

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Q. Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
A. Repeated absences and stealing.

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A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says, "Why the long face?"

The horse replies: "I'm deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existance and the extent to which I am now protected by law."

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Q. Why was six afraid of seven?

A. It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.

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Q. How do you know when a Frenchman has been near your house?

A. You don't, really, unless you were there to see him or if one of your neighbors saw him. I wouldn't worry about it, really.

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Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?

A. Earlier that morning the farmer's daughter had inadvertantly left the gate to the yard open as she was preoccupied by her worry over a math test set for that day. She hadn't studied for the test as she was still deeply distressed over her father's recent heart attack. This, coupled with the added burden of household chores now delegated to her because her mother was out trying to get the west field prepared for sowing, had made her quite forgetful and distacted of late.

Whilst several chickens escaped, only one strayed so far that it actually encounter the road facing the farm. After crossing the road and gorging itself on the soybean crop, the chicken was struck by a furniture mover's van as it attempted to make its way home.

Several hours later the dead chicken was spotted by a Community Mental Health Worker who was doing his bi-weekly rural clinic run. The chicken, being a bantam, caught the eye of the Mental Health worker, who was a keen trout fisherman.

"Cool," thought the mental health worker, "Those feathers will make for excellent trout flys." He stopped and plucked a handful of the most irridescent blue, green and orange feathers and placed them in an envelope. He rolled himself a cigarette, sat on the trunk of his car and admired the clouds. "God, I love this job," he muttered to no one in particular.

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[Richardo]

1. Knock knock.

Who's there?

Me.

[ScreamingMeemie]

2. ROFL!!!

:spray: That one hit me just right this morning. :hi:

[bridgit]

3. "Q. Why was six afraid of seven?

A. It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear."

tell that to '69' cause i ain't gon'na it'll break it's aggregate heart

:cry:

[Heidi]

4. LOL! (I haven't said "LOL" since 1995!)

Thanks for crackin' me up, bridgit. Your post reminded me of Dieter on the old Saturday Night Live: "There are no integers on this line."

:rofl:

[bridgit]

6. lol2, thanks for the zap back...

touch my monkey anytime, hon

:rofl:

[Heidi]

8. "You bore me now."

:rofl:

[bridgit]

9. ;

:rofl:

[Squeech]

5. How about

While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they're intelligent. "I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."

She phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?" Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am."

"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"

"Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!" Upon returning to Washington, he decides he'd better put his advisors to the test. He summons Dick Cheney to the oval office and says, "Dick, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."

"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"

"Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Cheney hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?"

Bush agrees, and Cheney leaves. Cheney immediately calls a meeting of senior Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Cheney calls Don Rumsfeld at the Pentagon and explains his problem.

"Now lookee here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Rumsfeld answers immediately, "It's me, of course, you dumb cracker."

Much relieved, Cheney rushes back to the White House and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Don Rumsfeld!"

And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you dumb shit, it's Tony Blair!"

[LynzM]

7. LMAO

These are great! :rofl:

[Hugin]

10. I'm thinking you need more Art, Heidi... ;) eom

[Heidi]

11. Who needs art . . .

when I've got Dieter on my hard drive?

[GOPBasher]

12. LOL! Those are funny! n/t