Dumbest, most nonsensical joke you've ever heard

[derby378]

We've all heard them. Some of us have even experienced strokes while trying to fathom these inane "jokes." But, as a public service, we present them so that other DUers can prepare themselves for the worst.

Here's my submission:

Said the two Barneys: "Hey, Fred! How'd you like to fuck me in the ass?"

I didn't say it was gonna be pretty...

[Q3JR4]

1. Uh huh...

*Backs away slowly*.

[BlueJazz]

2. Do you know what's brown and real sticky?

a Stick

[Richardo]

24. I love that one

Must appeal to my inner 11-year-old. :D

[thestatusquo]

3. To deaf men on a train...

the train pulls up at the station for Wemberly.
The one man says to the other man "We're at Wemberly"
He says back "I thought it was thursday"
The first man says "So am I"

(wemberly=wednesday, thursday=thirsty)

Funnier if done in an English accent.

[derby378]

4. I believe we're off to a raucous start

God help us all...

[xray s]

5. My dog has no nose. How does he smell? Awful.

Hey, it helped the British win World War II...

[tammywammy]

6. An apple and orange are in a car accident.

They go to the hospital and the apple just has a few bruises.
The doctor comes out to talk to the apple.
He says "I'm sorry, your friend's a vegetable."

edited to add: It's dumb and silly, but I wouldn't say noxious.

[maveric]

7. Monkey and an Elephant were in the shower. The monkey said..

to the Elephant "pass the soap", the Elephant relpied "No soap, just radio".
This was a joke that went around when I was a kid growing up in New England. To this day I dont know what the fuck it was all about.

[gmoney]

8. What's E.T. short for?

Because he's got tiny little legs...

[derby378]

9. Why can't Helen Keller have children?

Because she's DEAD.

[bilgewaterbill]

10. Who is married to Mississippi?

Mr. Ippi.

[Straight Shooter]

14. I love dumb jokes, and that's one of the best.

Mr. Ippi, indeed.

:rofl:

[never cry wolf]

11. What's the difference between a duck?

On another note, why don't cannibals eat clowns?


They taste funny.......

[sakabatou]

12. My brother came up with this one

What do you get when you cross a legume and an art show? A peanut gallery.... wait, that actually makes sense...

[Wapsie B]

13. If you sneeze on your arm

you may think it's funny, but it'ssnot.

[aePrime]

15. I'm afraid only programmers will understand this

Two strings walk into a restaurant. The first string says, "Hello, we'd like a table for two.afeaityaeoiaga2466oycgoya@^ob&yoaytoeyay8682agy0eta"

The other string says, "You'll have to excuse my friend. He's not null terminated."

[fleabert]

16. wanna hear a dirty joke?

a white horse fell into a mud puddle.
I always hated that joke.

dead baby jokes...those were popular when I was in middle school...
what's the best gift for a dead baby?
a dead puppy.

really sick, sorry.

a nonsense one:
why'd the chicken cross the road?
he was stapled to the balloon.

[Spider Jerusalem]

17. George Bush speaking.

Top that one.

[JohnnyCougar]

18. Two guys walked into a bar...

the other one ducked.

[free_spirit82]

19. HeeHee

Q: If you are American when you go into a restroom and American when you come out, what are you while you are in there?

A: European (Your-a-peein')

[bridgit]

20. two word 'joke'

"dracula sucks"

:shrug: i'm telling the guy wouldn't stop laughing :shrug:

[derby378]

21. A Czech proverb popular just north of Waco

Rain, rain, a frog has no ears!

Still haven't figured that one out...

[mark414]

22. Descartes is sitting in a bar

the bartender asks him if he'd like another drink

Descartes replies, "I think not"

and *poof* he disappears

:shrug:

i think it's hilarious

[Emops]

27. On that note:

Two behaviorists pass in a hallway. One says to the other, "You're doing good, how am I?"

[mark414]

28. did you hear that George Berkeley died?

his girlfriend stopped seeing him!

[Misunderestimator]

23. Shortest poem... titled: "Fleas"

Adam Had 'em

[dean_dem]

25. All right, a little dated but stupid nonetheless.

Why are firetrucks red?

Well, firetrucks have eight wheels and a crew of four.
Eight plus four equals twelve.
Twelve inches is the size of a ruler.
Queen Elizabeth was once a ruler.
The Queen Elizabeth was the largest ship to sail the sea.
The sea has fish.
Fish have fins.
The Fins were always getting kicked around by the Russians, and the Russians are Red.
Thus, firetrucks are red.

[derby378]

29. This sounds almost as convoluted...

...as some Australian slang I've heard in the past.

[Richardo]

26. When birds fly in V-formation, one side of the V is always longer. Why?

There are more birds on that side.