I don't want to let my controlling family back into my life...

[Ladyhawk]

...but I've been in agony for days from spinal pain. I'm supposed to have surgery at the end of the month and I'm pretty much alone. I've asked certain people to help, but I'm not getting the help I need. I'm embarrassed for anyone to see my apartment the way it is. I can barely move, so nothing gets done. I've even had trouble feeding myself the past few days. I have things to do and no way to do them and the longer I lie in bed, the more depressed I get.

I've tried to ask for assistance through the county, but they say I don't qualify.

Ideas?

[caledesi]

1. Welcome to my world.

All I can do is offer you hugs, but my family doesn't care that I am ill (hey, they are all doing great...course, most of Repugs...they don't understand problems like this).

After becoming ill, I learned one thing - people don't want to be around sick people; it's that simple.

The only advice I will offer is to call your Crisis HotLine. They helped me once. I couldn't clean either. I did however get Meals-on-Wheels which I paid about $2/meal. They would have liked more, but they are a good group.

Cleaning? I have given up. No one comes to visit, so who cares?

Good luck.

[Tom Kitten]

2. where are you at

can't somebody, anybody come see you and help you honey?

[caledesi]

9. Hi TK! I don't know if you are referring to LH or me...so here goes.

I thought one of the worst experiences up until now was when my ex-husband left me (thought we had a great marriage) for someone else.

But this is the worst. I feel so trapped.

I just don't know "who" can help me. I have made calls about food stamps and help, but we DON'T qualify. Basically, you cannot have more than $2000 in your checking/savings or you are toast. Well, in actuality, most of that $2000 is for bills.

I may have to try that nasty clinic again because that's where all the people I have had contact with for help keep suggesting it.

I even tried to talk w/ a therapist at least every other week and it did help, but that was $100/session, so that didn't last long. My family (what's left of them - lost 2 brothers and father to lymphoma)...2 sisters and a brother are all Repugs and have not offered to help me financially and believe me they are all flush. In my family, you are "on your own." My brother just moved to Florida last summer from our hometown in Newport, RI and lives 30 mins. away. We have been to their beautiful house exactly ONE time for Thanksgiving. Since my husband (never did drive) and I don't drive anymore, he and his wife had to pick us up.

My disability lawyer told me to go to the Emergency Room if I felt the depression was overwhelming. I was there almost all day speaking with a multi-disiplinary team and got some blood tests. That was it. During my "exit" nterview, the social worker told me to go to the "nasty" clinic.


At the moment, I am only taking ONE of my prescriptions, because when we lost our health care, instead of paying co-pay, we now have to pay full price which averages to $100/prescription and we have have about 4-5 between us. (We are not young...LOL)

This though, I am working on. I called my nurse practitioner, who is a nice, caring person and she turned me on to a discount medication source. She is one of the few people who actually care, but her advice when I told her about losing our health insurance was to go to, guess where? The nasty clinic..........

Thanks for caring about LH and me,
A

[Jamastiene]

3. Try to get through the surgery

and see if that helps. I really wish I could offer you something better, but you know my rationale pretty well.

I hope you get to a point where you can feel better soon. :hug:

[Quakerfriend]

4. Ladyhhawk, sending out hugs and prayers for you.

I'm in the Philly area. If I can help please, let me know.

Sometimes kind neighbors can be of more help than family.

Have you got any close by?

[CountAllVotes]

5. I'm in the same boat here

No help and I don't qualify for any assistance. I have insurance but it doesn't cover a whole lot.

My family members are pretty much dead and gone. It makes for a lonely life at times.

I try to remind myself periodically that there is a force greater than myself. I ask this source for help and I find that it helps.

I keep you in my thoughts and prayers and I hope that you can find a way to deal with the pain. I know how very difficult it is.

I must go to bed myself again now as I am in a lot of pain like you are and I hope I can find my bed amidst the rubble.

In the meantime, lets not send another $70 billion to Iraq eh (or some other project somewhere else - anywhere else except here at home!). Wouldn't it be nice if "they" gave a damn about we, the American people for a change?

I guess we are low priority.

Hang in there. Just remember, you are not alone. :hug:

:kick:

[xmas74]

6. I recently had to move back home.

My family is extremely controlling-you cannot have a different opinion w/o them immediately taking it out on you. No matter what I do it will never be good enough. And it's not as if I am living there for free-I give them almost all of my paycheck just to live there. But the choice was to move in w/ them or to downgrade my daughter and I into a trailer court that has a big history of meth labs(trailers are not so bad, but the only park I could afford to move to was the worst one in town). I make very little (especially when you consider my bills-and there is nothing fancy, not even credit card debt) but I still did not qualify for any type of aid.

I feel ya, I really do. Family was my only option, for the sake of my child. And now what little life I did have is gone, because they like it that way.

[cap]

7. can you get any Home Care?

there are aides who help with these things? No means tests.

[cleofus1]

8. damn

good luck..you need to find a Du'er in California who might be willing to give you a hand...

take care and just try to make it to surgery time...hopefully you'll start to feel better after that...:hug:

[MissMillie]

10. If I were nearby

I would help. I wonder if you can't drum up some help here on the boards....

[skygazer]

11. Where in CA are you?

SoCal, I seem to recall but if you're anywhere near the Bay Area, I'd be glad to give you a hand. Seriously. :hug:

[Ladyhawk]

12. Thanks for all the replies from those who want to help and those...

...who are in a similar situation. Reading the posts of similarly affected people is hard on me emotionally right now. I feel for all of you who are in similarly "trapped" situations. I was hoping letting go of controlling family would be enough, but it looks like it was just a first step. Why is life so complicated?

BTW, I am in the foothills of Northern California (barely), in a town called Sonora, which is due east of Modesto. My brother called last night. I wrote to my cousin who lives in the Auburn area (in the foothills due east of Sacramento...why are we foothills dwellers) and her idea was to have my brother call me. Nice. She wouldn't understand that I need to stay AWAY from him. At least for the time being. Sigh.

I guess I'm freaking out because I feel the pressure of doing this alone.

Jamastiene...don't give up on me, OK? :) I have had good intentions of getting back to you. I didn't. :( First, nostamj's death upended me, then a wee bit of pain, then a lot of pain. OK, enough excuses. :) I will get back to you.

LH

[shesemsmom]

13. Try your local hospital

home health services. Most all have them and your insurence should cover it for the most part. Good luck and keep us posted:hug:

[SmileyBoy]

14. Are there any friends who live near you who can support you??

See if you can bunk with a fellow DUer in your area for a while until your back pain clears up.

[Maddy McCall]

15. Is there a church in your hometown that can assist you?

I don't know what else to suggest. Do you qualify for disability? If so, can't the state supply someone? Call your local hospital and ask for advice.