Divorce, Fighting, Yelling - All this & more on parents 10th anniversary

[AlFrankenFan]

Yeah...things aren't going to well.

So, how's your day?

[slackmaster]

1. I live with three cats, two aquatic turtles, and a desert tortoise

We all get along fine.

Sorry to hear of your family's turmoil. I'll bet you can't wait to get out of there.

[LiberalEsto]

2. Cut them a bit of slack if you can

Anniversaries can be extremely stressful for people.
Lots of unmet expectations, etc.
Remember that NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT.
None of this is about you, and it's not your job to fix it.
Can you get out for a while, go visit friends?

I can relate to what's happening with your family. My parents, now long gone, traditionally fought on Christmas. It was pretty hellish. Looking back I can see that it was all about stress, expectations, financial pressures, disappointments. Not about me or my brother at all. Not intended to deliberately ruin our Christmases. Just two stressed-out, depressed people who didn't know how to handle things.

Best wishes for a MUCH better day tomorrow.

[shesemsmom]

4. The only thing I could add to the above post is

be kind to yoyrself.... we are here for you:hug:

[AlFrankenFan]

5. Thanks

I guess it could be rooted at the fact my mom accidentally getting him a card that was "parents to son"...the whole not caring factor. But I can see why my mom might not - long story short, he left us and her for a month to "work" in North Carolina on his small business that is yet to take off or make any money.

[JohnKleeb]

3. Know exactly how you feel

My parents have been fighting more as of late actually, not any anniversiry though.

[AlFrankenFan]

6. It sucks

:(

[JohnKleeb]

7. It does, its only gotten worse here since da quit drinking actually

[AlFrankenFan]

9. Oy

My step-dad picked up, of all things, smoking from his friends while in NC. Jesus!

[JohnKleeb]

11. My dad smokes as well, so double damn

but you can't try to quit both at once or you'll go nuts or so AA says.

[tammywammy]

8. I got one worse

My dad left my mom...on her birthday...for another lady. My mom's birthday is in November. My dad felt that he didn't need to give her money. My brother quit college to work full time to help support the rest of us. Two days before Christmas we had no presents. And then in February, my mom (against the wishes of the 3 kids) took my dad back. Only to catch him sleeping with another lady a year and a half later.

Two years after they were divorced Mom took him back again. They got remarried, and still are unhappy. But he's not sleeping around, as far as she knows. But, she's unhappy, he's unhappy. They're meant to live in misery together.

[AlFrankenFan]

10. Awww

I'm sorry. Dysfunctional families are no fun :(

[tammywammy]

12. Yeah, when I was younger it bothered me a lot

I grew up fast after my dad left my mom.

But, all in all, I turned out pretty good. And one day when I finally see a therapist, because I know this shit fucked me up in the head, they'll make a lot of money off of me.

The hardest part, is that you don't want to tell anyone what's going on at home. You don't want people to know what's really going on in your head, what you live with.

During my senior year in highschool a lot of shit was happening to me. My best friend to this day, is the only one that really knows what I've been through. She's the one person that truly understands where I'm coming from on things.

[lavenderdiva]

13. I'm soo sorry this is happening around you.

many, many years ago, before both my parents passed away, every year this happened to me as well. The only difference was that my birthday also happened to be the same date as their wedding anniversary (note: I was born 5 years after they got married, to the day). Every single birthday for me was sheer torture. It started being that way when I was about 14 years old, when their marriage was going bad. Unfortunately, they decided to stay together 'for the kids'. And my dad felt he couldn't afford to divorce my mother. So they stayed together, utterly miserable, making my sister and me also miserable. Especially when their wedding anniversary rolled around, which was also my birthday. I always ended up crying. We never really celebrated my birthday as they were always fighting.

I don't know how old you are, but it helped me alot when I got old enough to move out and make other plans on my birthday. When I think about it now, almost 10 years since they've both passed away, it still makes me sad to think about all those wasted years and how miserable they were. What's sorta eerie is that my dad passed away first, from a sudden heart attack, and then 4 months to the day later, my mom passed away from a sudden heart attack. After speaking with her doctor, he said that this was not that unusual. Many times people that are so attached find it difficult to be 'left behind' as it were, and just 'will' themselves to die. This is what happened to my mom. She had stopped eating 3 weeks before she died, and only drank. She didn't know what to do without my father.

We kept the unhappiness hidden from the outside world, which certainly wasn't healthy at all. You know what though? Every one else KNEW what was going on, and it turns out, we weren't as good at hiding our circumstances as we thought we were! But you just don't want to feel like you come from this weird family. (turn on your sarcasm button here) of course, everyone else has the 'normal' families! And you just know, that noone else could possibly understand the turbulence and uneasiness that you constantly live with. You don't want to admit that this is your life. But after many years, I have come to realize that there are no normal families. Many others will understand and probably have lived in similar circumstances. (Just check out the responses you got here!)

I don't know how old you are, but moving out, going to school, gaining new friends, will really help you deal with what is happening at home. Please find someone you feel you can confide in, and share what is going on in your head and heart. We here at DU are always ready to listen.... I'm sending you lots of hugs! :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: