I wanted to share the letter my Mom wrote after my father's recent death

[LeftCoast]

I hope this isn't too much of a downer for the lounge, but my Dad just passed away on March 19th. I've wanted to share this with all you kind folks on DU, but up till now I just couldn't.

I'm posting this for a couple of reasons. One, because he's my Dad and part of me wants the whole world to know and mourn his loss with me - even though none of you knew him. Additionally though, I want to post this as a thank you to all the medical personnel out there. Even when you aren't able to save a life, please know that my family truly values you and your service.

---------------------------------

April 3, 2005

Dear Paramedics and Placentia Linda Emergency Personnel:

In a state of panic, early, on the morning of March 19, I called 911 for paramedics. My husband had collapsed. I didn’t know what was wrong. I couldn’t even remember our address, but somehow they arrived within minutes, and began working to revive him.

They brought me with them as they transported Jerry to Placentia Linda Hospital ER. On the way they continued to work to save Jerry.

Personnel at the hospital continued working to revive him, but despite all efforts of these fine professionals Jerry slipped away forever.

The shock of that morning’s events have been etched on my brain forever while other parts are just a dim fog.

I remember Jerry stretched out on my living room floor with paramedics hovering over him compressing and releasing his chest as they breathed for him. I remember them trying and trying, I remember the compassionate glance from one of the fine young men as I leaned on the door jamb praying, and the terrible sense of dread that single glance conveyed to me.

I remember getting out of the emergency vehicle and stepping back so that they could lift Jerry out and take him into the emergency room. I saw his feet, and they were so white they appeared ethereal. A horrible sense of dread washed over me, but I was still hopeful, and I prayed that it wasn’t true and that God would save him.

I know that they tried. All of the Paramedics and the Emergency Personnel, but Jerry was gone and they finally delivered the terrible news.

A nurse named Lisa, stayed with me and tried to comfort me as best she could. She was very kind. I could hear a young man weeping, a doctor, paramedic, someone. Bless you.

During this, most tragic event of my life, all of the Paramedics and the Emergency personnel handled themselves with compassion, sensitivity and professionalism. I commend you, and thank you.

Sincerely,



Mrs. (LeftCoast's Mom)

[LynzM]

1. (((((((((( LeftCoast ))))))))))))

I'm so sorry, LC :hug: Your mom sounds like a wonderful person to have taken the time to write that in the midst of so much pain. Many hugs to you, and to her, as well.

[LeftCoast]

4. Thanks LynzM

That letter just seemed to capture so much of what I wanted to say as well. Mom's a great writer and I think writing this has helped her grieve. The EMT's really, really tried to save him. I don't think they should feel bad in any way.

Anyway, thanks again. :)

[LynzM]

10. You're welcome

I can't imagine what it's like to lose a parent, because I haven't been through that experience myself. But I do know people who have worked as EMTs and med techs and ER personnel, and I know that they appreciate hearing that their work is appreciated. I'm glad it was a good thing for your mom to write, and that she had a good day this week. I'm glad to hear that you have someone who is there for you, too :hug:

[LeftCoast]

13. If there's just one piece of advice I can give to people after this

is not to wait. Don't wait to tell people that you love them. Don't wait to go take that vacation. Don't wait for a special occasion. Whatever it is...just don't wait.

There were a few things that I *almost* waited too long for, but even with that I still wish I had more time.

[LynzM]

18. That's good advice

You never know, in life. My husband and I are those people who others roll their eyes at... we talk on the phone a lot when we are apart, we always say "I love you" when we say good-bye. I hug my daughter and tell her I love her a lot. Because you never know, and better you say those things, and do things for or with the people you love, when you want to. I'm glad for you that you had the chance to do some of those things you wanted with your dad.

[roguevalley]

47. God bless you and your mom, Left Coast. This is so sad but I will agree.

EMTS are so wonderful when you are in a crisis. Hugs to you all.

RV, been there, done that.

[Wapsie B]

2. That's a great letter.

So sorry for your loss. It sounds like there were some very caring people trying to help as best they could. I don't know how someone could work in an ER or ambulance crew and not be affected at least a little bit by the tragedy they can see. Takes a special breed.....

[LeftCoast]

19. I think the EMT

who cried really touched my Mom's heart. I hope that person can make it in that job, because they really cared and I'm sure that's how people burn out.

[tavalon]

40. No, actually

that's how we keep our humanity. Those of us who can cry in the moment but let it go when the shift is over are able to stay and hopefully, be just as compassionate 10-15 years down the road. It's the pretending that it isn't painful that destroys the career and the life.

I haven't seen many EMTs cry though, so it's wonderful to hear about.

(BTW, I'm a nurse in an area that is almost always the happiest of places but when it's sad, it's devestating. I work in Labor and Delivery.)

I'm so sorry about your dad.

[maveric]

3. I'm sorry about your Dad LeftCoast. My Ma died March 28.

Which was my late dad's birthday. Ma didnt answer her door or phone and my neighbor, a sweet caring Lady that had been watching over her, called her brother, who broke the door down and found her dead.
Its very tough to lose a parent even though they may have been old.
If ou need someone to talk to about this PM me.

MAveRiC

[LeftCoast]

8. Oh Maveric, I'm so sorry!

:hug:

I hope you're hanging in there! I'm blessed in that I have the world's most loving and sweet partner who's been there for me 200%. It has really made this whole experience more bearable. Still, there are times when I'm just hit by a wall of grief. Thankfully, things have really improved in the last week. My Mom told me she had her 'first good day' today. That made me feel better too. :)

[tavalon]

41. My goodness

It's been a year of loss for so many DUer's. I'm sorry that you lost your mother (and your father earlier). It's so strange to forge ahead in the world without one's parents. I've been an orphan since childhood though, so it may be all the more acute in my situation. I don't know. I felt so weird when I passed the age my mother was when she died.

[Nite Owl]

5. Thanks so much for sharing this

Your mom is a pretty special person to have had the kindness to let these people know how much they were appreciated at this time of grief.

[LeftCoast]

21. My Mom is the best

I think I need to get her something really really nice this Mother's Day. :)

[babylonsister]

6. May I just say, as someone in love,

Love is wonderful, hard to find, valid, and agreeable.

[LeftCoast]

11. My Mom and Dad were together for 34 years

One of the things that has helped my Mom to keep going is just the knowledge that they were able to have all those years with each other. So few marriages last that long.

[Sydnie]

7. So sorry to hear of your loss

Your mother has written a powerful letter. All too often the people that respond become part of the memory in a less than flattering way. Your mother has helped the responders to continue doing what they do with the utmost care and compassion by acknowledging their efforts.

Thank you for sharing something so personal with us.

:hug:

[LeftCoast]

24. And thank you for you kind thoughts

I know there's nothing anyone can really say, but the thought really does matter. It's funny, I was never really a 'card person'. I always thought birthday and xmas cards were nice, but I never really read them very closely. I read every single condolence card, probably a couple of times. Felt silly even as I was doing it, but it made me feel better.

[agates]

9. LeftCoast

I'm so sorry about your Dad.

It sounds like everything that could be done was done. Bless those emergency medical services professionals. Your Mom wrote a gracious and caring letter.

BTW, EMS Week is May 15-21, 2005. From the website of the American College of Emergency Physicians:

Emergency Medical Services Week brings together local communities and medical personnel to publicize safety and honor the dedication of those who provide the day-to-day lifesaving services of the medical "front line."

[LeftCoast]

15. Thank you for that info!

I will be sure and let my family know about EMS week! It would be nice to do something to recognize that week somehow.

[hlthe2b]

12. It was wonderful of your Mom to remember those who tried to help AND

so brave of you to share it. I commend you both and can only hope that your kindness in thinking of others at such a devastating time for yourselves conveys a sense of peace for you. I'm so sorry you lost your father, but so very happy that you and your Mom have each other. That is a blessing.

I'd give just about anything to have either of my parents back again, so just sign me,

One who knows.....

[LeftCoast]

20. I don't feel particularly brave

but thanks. :) Sharing this has really been nice. I hope the other lounge folks don't mind us being a little sad wistful here.

[PartyPooper]

14. It was so thoughtful and kind of your mother to write such a

beautiful letter to those who tried to save your dad. Thank you for sharing with us.

I did the same thing after my grandfather passed away. There were so many doctors, nurses, and attendants who treated him so well. I just had to acknowledge all of the kindnesses.

Peace to you and your family.

:hugs:

[LeftCoast]

17. One thing that I have really noticed and appreciated is how kind

everyone has been. I'm sure that the EM staff appreciate these letters. I really am amazed at the job they do.

[Maat]

16. What a great letter!

Peace and healing to you and your family.

And comfort and happiness because of the memories!

[LeftCoast]

22. I have been spending a lot of time with my memories lately

I find they do keep me good company in these times. Thanks so much Maat!

[Maat]

43. Take care!

[nuxvomica]

23. Curiously, your mom becomes the "healer" with that letter

What a generous and caring thing for her to do! And to do so well at that. Peace to you and yours.

[LeftCoast]

25. Wow...never thought of it that way

Thank you for pointing that out. I'm going to have to think about that for a bit. :)

[tavalon]

42. So very, very true. n/t

[CaliforniaPeggy]

26. I believe that posting your mom's letter is the absolutely most

appropriate thing you could do, my dear LeftCoast! And what a stunning and wonderful letter she wrote...Kudos to her, in the midst of her stunning loss and overwhelming grief, to reach out to the medical community to thank them for their efforts. I know, without a doubt, that all those involved in trying to save your dad appreciate your mom's very kind words.


:pals:

[LeftCoast]

27. Thanks Peggy!

I don't think my mom really knows what a great letter she wrote. I'm glad that others have been as moved by it as I have.

I've always felt she was an excellent writer. I've been trying to entice her to come visit the 'blogosphere'. I think she'd really enjoy it and her writing skills could be put to good use here.

Maybe when things settle down. :)

[CubsFan1982]

28. Thank you for sharing this.

I lost my favorite uncle a year ago this July, and my heart still aches whenever I think of him. He was the one who set me (unwittingly) on the career path I am taking, and he had so much influence over me. It's incredibly hard to lose a loved one, and it's wonderful that your mom has this outlet to express herself. Thank you (and your mom) for sharing this with us.

[ffm172]

29. your dad died on my dad's birthday

I am so sorry. :hug:

My dad died some years ago, I feel your pain. I remember my dad being in the hospital and how kind and supportive the personnel was. Towards my dad and towards us.

[Duncan Grant]

30. I'm so sorry to hear this Leftcoast.

Your mother is a kind and gracious woman.

Deepest sympathies to you and your family,
-J :hug:

[Bunny]

31. That letter is a wonderfully thoughtful and gracious tribute to the

folks who tried to save your dad. They will appreciate this so much. My condolences and hugs to you. :hug:

[ananda]

32. loss

Condolences and deepest sympathy for your loss.

My lib Dem mom died two years and four months ago and I miss our frequent talks about politics and life. She was such a role model to me in understanding and helping the poor. For a long time she operated her church's St. Vincent de Paul Society, and when anyone came asking for help, she never asked questions or shamed them.. they just got what they needed immediately. She also understood politics and political trends like nobody's business.. she knew Iraq was going to happen right after Bush got elected. God I miss her!

Sue

[Paradise]

33. Thanks for sharing your mom's beautiful letter with us.

Sorry :( for the loss of your dad, LeftCoast.

[knitter4democracy]

34. My husband ran codes when he was a resident.

He often came home with tears in his eyes from the ones he just couldn't save. The good ones do.

I'm so sorry you lost your dad. I hope you and your mom are able to grieve together and somehow find a way to keep going. I'm so sorry.

[bertha katzenengel]

35. LeftCoast

:hug: Your mom is something special. Bless you both.

[gordianot]

36. I will pass this on to my son who is a paramedic.

I know first responders put so much of themselves into these efforts and cannot discuss their feelings with others.

On his behalf and others thank you.

[deutsey]

37. That's a wonderful letter

My condolences to you and your family.

[Misunderestimator]

38. A beautiful letter... so sorry for your loss.

:hug:

[ProfessorGAC]

39. A Noble Gesture By Your Mom

Even in her grief she took the time to thank the dedicated folks who tried, even if unsuccessfully, to save your dad's life.

That's pretty classy.
The Professor

[flygal]

44. I'm sorry about your loss

Your mom is amazingly gracious. There are so many health care professionals who work tirelessly and I know your mom's letter is greatly appreciated.

My deep condolences to your family.

[LeftCoast]

45. Thanks everyone

I really appreciate all the kind words and thoughts. They really mean a lot! I will be sure and pass them on to my Mom.

[Jokinomx]

46. My sincerest condolences....

I lost my Father over two years ago.... I completely understand your feelings. You are not alone... :hug:

High praises to the emergency personel...!! Emts saved my Brother after a severe car accident. Bless all those that serve our society with compassion and honor. :toast:

[Dookus]

48. Awww, LeftCoast...

I'm sorry for your loss.

It was extremely thoughtful of your mother to write that letter. I'm sure it means a lot to the people who tried to save your dad. I bet they don't get a lot of that.

Again, so sorry.

[PittLib]

49. Sent it to my mom, an EMT ...

I'm so sorry for your loss, for you and your mom :hug: