After Running A Recent Poll On People's Religious Beliefs. I've Decided To

[DistressedAmerican]

sell my soul. The Results showed that most folks subscribe to the belief in the immortal soul.

I do not believe in it. Don't think I am using it if it does exist. As such, it is much like the old fish tanks in my attic. Just taking up space.

I have repeatedly offered it to the Devil in exchange for earthly rewards. But, he has never returned my calls.

I was considering E-Bay. Seems like people sell plenty of odd stuff there.

First, Let me see what you folks think is a reasonable asking price.

So what do you think? How much is a slightly used soul of an atheist worth to you? If I was willing to sign it right over, how much would you be willing to pay?

(note: bids do not obligate you to actually take possession of my soul. "For Entertainment Purposes Only!")


HERE'S THE VESSEL, IF THAT HELPS YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIND:

[Catch22Dem]

1. Great picture...

Where was that?

As far as your soul goes, I'm not interested. No offense, if I believed in people have souls, I'm sure yours would be top-notch, but I'm an atheist as well.

[DistressedAmerican]

2. It Is The Maya Site Of Mayapan, In Mexico's Yucatan Penninsula.

Dates roughly 1150-1450AD.

It is where I work for my doctoral diss. It is tick infested and feels like the surface of the sun. But, it is pretty photogenic (in the cleared monumental center). I work in the horrible bush you can see just outside of the center.

Sorry we couldn't arrive at a price.

Did I mention my special "Atheist Discount"?

[DistressedAmerican]

3. Come On I Can't Believe That NO ONE Wants My Soul!

Where's the love people?

:loveya: :shrug:?

[nuxvomica]

4. Thirty-five dollars

But first, how much have you really used it? Have you ever written poetry? Do you play a musical instrument? Do you paint or draw? Have you ever been in love? Do you own a pet? Are your dreams in black and white or color? Can you dance without looking at your feet while sober? Have you ever competed in a sporting event after months of painful training and lost and said "It was all worth it."? Does the phrase "Iraqi child" bring a tear to your eye? Can you watch a dried leaf scuttling across frozen snow for several minutes without thinking you're wasting your time?
Answering "yes" to any of these or similar questions indicates more than slight use and will reduce the value of your soul as a commodity. Also, what do you charge for shipping and handling?

[DistressedAmerican]

5. Honest Distressed Gives It To You Straight...

Poetry - No

Musical Instrument - No

Painting/drawing - No (but, I do photoshop work and throw pottery.)

Love - Yes

Pet - Yes

Dancing - Oh yeah! I can bust a move...

Sporting event/Good loser - no

"Iraqi Child" tears - not usually but the photos yes:


Spacing out on dry leaf in winter - No, I hate the cold
===============================================================
So how much does that lower your offer? It is still the best I've received. Normally, in such negotiations, I wouldn't reveal that but, it is an open bidding process.

:evilgrin:

It Is A Distressed American Blowout! Everything must go!

[nuxvomica]

6. Good gravy, your soul's been worn to tatters

And you are offering it for sale to an unsuspecting public? You must have incorporated at some point. Give me $10 and I'll take it off your hands. :P

[DistressedAmerican]

7. If The Thing Is In Such Bad Shape, Will It Last Me If I Keep It?

I'm still rather young!!!

[nuxvomica]

9. It's like an old pair of denims

It'll fit you just fine for years but won't fit anyone else very well at all. Eventually, you'll want to just wear it around the house. That's what I do with mine. :freak:

[tjwmason]

8. The body looks fine

But that is not necessarily a reflection of the soul.

Also, Catholicism bans buying of religion and assorted stuff (simony) - I suspect that your soul would come within that prohibition.

[DistressedAmerican]

10. I Think I Can Clear That All Up In The Contract. I Have A Good Lawyer.

I understand that there may be extra risk for a Catholic. But, this thing really MUST go. I'm willing to knock the price down!

You know it would look nice in a display case of some sort. Great conversation piece.

[tjwmason]

15. It'll have to be something like when they sell relics on E-bay

You buy a reliquary, and it just happens to contains the relics of a particular named saint which are given as a present to the buyer.

So you'd have to devse some recepticle for it - oh and you do realise that body and soul are only separated at death.

[DistressedAmerican]

16. As Far As I Am Concerned, They Will Have To Wait For Transfer.

I believe contract in hand they are the rightful owner. It just takes a while for transfer.

I'll make a very nice ceramic vessle to keep it in. I'd hate it to get spilled.

[Phentex]

11. I think you should freecycle it...

:)

[DistressedAmerican]

13. I Was Hoping For A Reuse Before The Final Discard. More Green!

[Misunderestimator]

12. Let me know how the bidding goes...

I'll be glad to sell mine too if it's worth it. But can the price be that for every atheist soul sold, one less innocent person is harmed by a Christian hand?

[DistressedAmerican]

14. I'd Gladly Make That Deal. I'll Let You Know If I Get The Offer!

:evilgrin: :toast:

[Rhiannon12866]

17. I would think you'd get considerable offers on E-Bay.

If people will pay thousands for ten-year-old, burned, half-eaten food, think what they'd pay for something as valuable as a soul?! And we certainly know how many out there are currently going around without one! George Bush*, Dick Cheney, Paul Wolfowitz and Richard Perle all have lots of money! Maybe you'll luck out and they'll log on!:shrug:

[PurityOfEssence]

18. Aaah...I'll give ya a buck three-eighty

If it's not too worn.

[Abelman]

19. No thanks

I have a million places to put it, but I don't think it would fit my decor.