Lines That Will Instantly Cause A Date To Self-Destruct

[Arkana]

"Oh, sorry I'm late...had a big fight with the wife."

"Hey, Melanie! So happy to see you...Nintendo? Cool!"

[DS1]

1. What the hell happened to you?

[sundog]

2. Yeah, I'll call

[JimmyJazz]

42. Sundog

:pals:

[Bok_Tukalo]

3. "Wow. For a second, I thought you were a dude."

<eom>

[Endangered Specie]

4. "warp speed" when you begin to drive the car.

"Emergency power Mr. Scott!" when you turn off your cars air conditioning so it has enough power to get up to traffic speed (not only implying your star trek nerdiness but your car must be lousy too).


:evilgrin:

[NNadir]

5. Most of my STD's can be treated.

[Arkana]

8. ROTFLM Freakin AO

This is the best so far.

[never cry wolf]

39. Along the same vein: My prosthetics fit quite well....

... for hand me downs.

[Tom Kitten]

6. Hey Babe...Pull my finger!

:evilgrin:

[Guy Fawkes]

7. "I don't normaly date primates..."

[Maestro]

9. I must be in Heaven

because you are an angel. Gag, just saying that makes me want to barf! But if I am lucky...

[Missy Vixen]

10. "My ex-wife is such a ______."

Another great one I heard from a guy once was, "Why bother with dinner and a movie? For $200, I can get whatever I want from a hooker."

Julie

[barb162]

77. bwahaha...that is a great line re the "hooker"

how many minutes did it take you to ease yourself away from him (or was it seconds or miliseconds)

[FreepFryer]

11. "Would you prefer Regular or Extra Crispy?" (n/t)

[NewJeffCT]

30. I had a date that once asked me...

First question, "if you were a breakfast cereal, what would you be?"

I was so surprised by the question, that it took me a very pregnant pause to come up with an answer.

[barb162]

72. was the date Barbara Walters? just kidding, but didn't she start

that whole stupidass line, like if you were a tree (or flower, etc) what would you be? As if this stupid question really reveals some deep psych. something or other about a person.

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

12. Your sister's hot!

:evilgrin:

[WinterStorm]

13. Do you take visa?

[Endangered Specie]

14. (when your date asks 'whats your sign'): "Whats your cosine?"

IF that dont break ice, nothing will ;)

[Arkana]

16. I've used that line, and it actually made my girlfriend laugh

but it might be a datebuster for something like a first date...

[philosophie_en_rose]

15. "You'll go on the cruise with me? Freeptastic!"

"Hey, can you loan me some money?"

"But my Mom says I'm Cool!"

"Excuse me, while I check in with my probation officer..."

"George W. Bush is a sexy beast."

[Endangered Specie]

17. Cell phone rings: "NO NO!! SELL IT!! SELL!!!

I DONT CARE IF ITS DOWN TO 8.35 I SELL SELL THE FUCKING THING!" *smashes phone* Im sorry dear, what were you saying?

[DS1]

18. You're sure you weren't followed, and nobody knows where you are

correct?

[Radical Activist]

19. I'm really proud George Bush is our President.

It happend on a date with someone I hadn't seen in a long time. It didn't go well.

[progmom]

20. "You know, if abortion were illegal, I'd be the father of about 6 kids."

First half hour of my first and only date with this guy.

He brought it up out of the blue.

Isn't that a weird conversation topic?

[Arkana]

25. I imagine that was your cue to distract him, then break for the door

[progmom]

26. I feigned illness.

:puke:

[BlueIris]

29. Good, because...holy crap. I thought my dating experiences sucked.

[Rabrrrrrr]

21. Cripes, is that your nose, or has Bea Arthur taken root on your face?

[HamstersFromHell]

22. Are you standing on your head or do you need a Cloret?

[achtung_circus]

23. So do you spit or swallow?

or

Is it true, what is says on the washroom wall?

[Lisa]

24. "I'm glad you decided to come -- I need your weight on these icy roads"

Also: "Do you mind if we go to your place after? Mine's being fumigated for a scabies infestation."

[tigereye]

36. that one made me snort

Where do these people come from! sigh.

[kittenpants]

37. ha - I like that one.

[Freebird12004]

27. But all of the other women liked it that way.

:shrug:

[BlueIris]

28. "I'm really looking for someone who wants to be a mom."

[animuscitizen]

35. That would send me running for the hills!

Guess I'm not the only one who has encountered these gems on the dating circuit.

[kmla]

31. "Do you have any famous relatives? I do. Have you seen 'Deliverance'?"

Yeah, my cousin's the one that said "... I think he's got a purty mouth...".

"Yep, he was always the talented one in the family, he was."

[animuscitizen]

32. "I'd invite you back to my place, but I live with my mom."

Another memorable experience, with a different man: "I have to be home by 6. I am on house arrest from 6pm-6am. Don't worry, I should get out of this soon--I have a decent lawyer."

[Ellen Forradalom]

48. WOW

Best.Line.Ever.

[WoodrowFan]

33. when we get married can my Mom live with us? (NT)

[BigMcLargehuge]

34. I brought my mom along in case you get busy hands...

[tigereye]

38. no!

someone actually said that?!!??!!

Who brings their mom on a date?!

[Deep13]

46. Fundies.

:eyes: :shrug:

[Freebird12004]

40. I'm going to hurt you

and I care so much about you but I hurt everyone.......:banghead:

[Magrittes Pipe]

41. Wow. You've got pretty small tits for a fat chick.

[Heidi]

43. "So, I'm now an Admin at www.freerepublic.com!"

A sure date-killer.

[KamaAina]

82. "Sorry I'm late. We had a marathon meeting at Bush** HQ."

(click) (dial tone)

[Deep13]

44. Nice gut!

[Deep13]

45. Is that a nose job?

Fortunately, I did not ask that until the second date. (No, it was not a nose job.)

[BiggJawn]

47. "Can we swing by the Pharmacy? I need to refill my Zovirax..."

Of course, if she says "Oh, you can have one of MINE!"
:evilgrin:

[Deep13]

49. ...how 'bout Valtrex?

for the gift that keeps on giving.

[BiggJawn]

52. Yeah, that one, too...

That Valtrex ad always creeps me out. I have to wonder, does she do "full disclosure" with anyone who makes it to the third date?

[Deep13]

59. "Living with genital herpes ...

... can be a hassle." The way he leaves his socks on the floor and never takes out the trash. Genital Herpes! I thought you were going to the Post Office for me! Can you at least take junior to his soccer game?!

[Schema Thing]

50. WWJD? Them lips are so juicy, I think Jesus WOULD kiss 'em.

[MountainLaurel]

51. When my last GF broke up with me

. . . I drove my car into a tree.

I've attempted suicide 9 times.

The medication makes my face break out.

(All of these were from the same guy.)

I'm really into taxidermy. Right now, I've got a half-mummified squirrel in my car. Wanna see?

[Xithras]

58. OMG!

All on one date?

[MountainLaurel]

63. The last one wasn't

Probably because guy #1 didn't have a car at the time because he had smashed it into a tree deliberately. Definitely stalker material -- I was young and naive, but he definitely got my spidey senses tingling.

[davsand]

53. I'm planning to have a baby as soon as I can find a sperm donor.

Guys--wouldn't you leave skid marks if you heard that one on a date?


Laura

[SarahB]

54. How about...?

"I have to be careful, I'm really fertile." I said that to someone recently and then after I said it, I thought :dunce:, I don't want to scare the poor guy to death.

[taught_me_patience]

55. actually happened to me...

me: "what do you like to do"
her: "drink"

A different date:
her: "could you lend me a couple of bucks so that I can get some gas to get home"
me: "here's two bucks... buy yourself a gallon"

:crazy:

taught.

[animuscitizen]

60. Jeepers Creepers

You would think people could at least fake a good impression.

I can especially relate to your first comment. As a magnet for men with chemical dependency issues-- I've heard stuff like that before.

[BiggJawn]

62. You dated Sherry, too?

Does she still do that "thing" where she "pays" her booze bill in the back room of the liquor store?

[barb162]

76. this is hilarious: here's two bucks... buy yourself a gallon

did you say it without laughing??????

[taught_me_patience]

83. I was mortified...

she then wanted to kiss me... but I pretended that I had a sore throat and didn't want to get her sick.


taught.

[Xithras]

56. We can't go there, my ex works there and he has a restraining order on me

I never did find out what the restraining order was for, but the girl was odd enough that I can just imagine.

BTW, about that Nintendo comment. Any woman that dumped me over that is one that I wouldn't have wanted to date anyway. For the record, my wife is a bigger video game addict than I am (when I learned that, I latched on tight and married her :loveya:)

[Cadence]

57. Ummm I think you're short

$0.14 on your portion of the bill.

[Adenoid_Hynkel]

61. "Are you a cop? Cos you have to tell me, yu know..."

..

[Momgonepostal]

64. to a woman: "whoa, you're a big one!"

[SarahB]

65. Of course, it's another thing if you're saying that to a man!

:D

[Momgonepostal]

67. On 2nd thought, an overweight man might not like that either

But I know what you mean. ;-)

[tsakshaug]

66. Sorry I'm late....

-unless there is a good reason that is that last date with that person.
good reasons-car blew up, traffic jam few others

[sharonking21]

68. Have your little brother

meet them at the door and ask "Are you going to marry my sister?"

(Actually happened to me, but little brother survived to maturity nonetheless and now baits me with questions like: "Do you think there is anything behind all this Swift Boat stuff?")

[barb162]

69. "your hair is so wiry"

[Momgonepostal]

71. posted in wrong place, sorry

[Momgonepostal]

70. "Damn, I forgot to take my anti-psychotics this morning!"

[barb162]

73. this first one is a real beaut : sorry ...had a big fight with the wife

LOL,LOL,LOL,

[Momgonepostal]

74. "So there's a Star Trek film marathon at the multi-plex..."

With apologies to DUer Trekkies, but that would send me packing!

[noonwitch]

75. "You remind me of my mother"

That always goes over well with us chicks.

[jswordy]

78. "NICE RACK! THOSE ARE LARGE!"

Sigh...it CAN possibly ruin an evening, if not used TACTFULLY!

ROFLMFAO!

Best to say it AFTER leaving the company of her parents! LOL!

UNDER EDIT: If you DO say it in the presence of her mom, immediately turn to mom and say, "But no offense. Yours are DEFINITELY BIGGER!"

LOL.

[sharonking21]

79. Allow me to introduce myselves . . .(N/T)

[Merrick]

80. YOU think this forest is spooky? Well I'm going to have to walk back alone

[XemaSab]

81. Dave: I always use condoms with my other girlfriend

Me: Why?
Dave: Well, one of us has Hepatitis C.
Me: One of you meaning........?
Dave: I got it from a blood transfusion.
Me: Don't call me, I'll call you.

[ironflange]

84. Do you have enough life insurance?

Let me ask you a few simple questions.