I may need help.

[DIKB]

I realized this tonight.

Though I have been alone for a long time. A friend's g/f w/ whom he just broke up, has had romantic feelings for me for a long time. I have always felt the same way for her, but I have not made a move out of respect for him. Tonight in a semi-drunken confession, I admitted how I felt, she admitted she felt the same (though not drunk, thankfully), but for obvious reasons (it being too soon) we couldn't pursue our feelings. What do I do now ?

As per the Terri Schiavo case, if worse came to worse, I could NEVER ask someone to let her go. I have ALWAYS thought she was one of the few bright shining lights of the human race, and it would take the entire world, and then some, to convince me differently.

Obviously I need to tell my friend before her and I pursue a relationship, but I have never been good at the nuances. Ladies of DU, I NEED HELP !!!! I desperately want this to work out !!!

[Jamastiene]

1. Just hold your horses and

take it as it comes. That would be the best bet. She admitted she liked you, so that's most of the beginning stages of the work already in your favor. Just remember to let her decide the best course of action. I wouldn't go off half cocked and tell your friend right away until I talked to her again. She'll be the deciding factor when push comes to shove.

[DIKB]

4. THAT

I will do. I will wait till I make sure that she feels the same. Though women are notoriously fickle. How best do I keep her interested ? Fidelity is a major sticking point (as we have both experienced the opposite in past relationships). Though I'm hesitant to proclaim commitment (for obvious reasons).

P.S. To be honest I feel as inexperienced as a high school kid again, never before have I felt this nervous.

[Jamastiene]

7. Just be you as

you have until now. Getting too nervous around her can scare her off. Relax and be you. That is what made her like you to begin with. At least, that would seem like the right thing to do to me. I wish you the best of luck. You sound like you really like this woman. She's lucky. :)

[orleans]

10. "Though women are notoriously fickle" ???

tell her you said/think that and let me know how she feels then.

it's like me saying (only in a more polite way) all men are slut-dogs (such as "men are notorious horn-dogs)

(i believe it's called "sexism" and it just isn't cute anymore.)

[DIKB]

12. I was not trying to be sexist

In any way. Though my heart has taken many a stomping by women desiring only my attentions (hinting at more only for their own flattery).

It is simply that I have been hurt, many a time before that I am cautious and coarse in my language. My sincerest apologies to you for any offences. /bow

[orleans]

13. thanks--no offense taken, really,

just pointing it out

[nadinbrzezinski]

2. Ok kid my husband now of five years, going on six and I

knew each other for over seven years before we married, and things just happened.

You don't need help, trust your gut... talk to her, in fact yuo may be ready to take THAT STEP!

[Stephanie]

3. What's the problem? She likes you. She told you so.

Is your friend desperately in love with her? They've already broken up, right? You're not doing anything wrong. When the time comes to tell him you just tell him.

Meanwhile hang out with the girl and get to know her better.

[DIKB]

5. Hanging out ?

That I can do. Though a thrashing from a much larger friend is a semi-deterrent, that and my own sense of honor. We've already said we would call each other, though I am very nervous. Do relationships based on the edge of your nerves turn out well ? (I may not want the answer to this)

I am however fully willing to take a thrashing from my friend if it shows him that I am deadly serious about wanting to follow up on my feelings for this woman. She is amazing, she reminds me of that song "In Your Eyes"

Maybe I'm a hopeless romantic begging for some more pain, but in my mind the possible pay off is worth it.

[Stephanie]

6. "Do relationships based on the edge of your nerves turn out well ?"

Oh yes. That's a good thing.

Did she dump your friend or did they mutually end it or what? Some men get completely irrational when they get dumped. Introduce your friend to somebody nice. Do you know any girls that would go out with him?

[DIKB]

8. My nerves tend to be more accurate.

She dumped him b/c she found evidence of infidelity (as in a prior relationship) cell-phone messages to and from another woman. I can neither confirm nor deny such proof, just let it exist as is. Though I am very nervous about pursuing her (hence the edge of nerves comment). I will most definitely feel like a heel if I take action prior to his knowledge, though I will regret for the rest of my life any inaction.

[Stephanie]

9. You can get to know her without guilt

You are not doing anything wrong. If it works out between you then you can tell him.

[DIKB]

11. Thank you for your advice

I will think on it, and possibly post my action on it at a later time. Though I am no longer christian, I still heed the Bible as it is full of advice, "Ask for wisdom, and it will be granted in abundance."

Again I thank you, for being one of the few late night DUers, willing to respond in my time of need.