http://www.ubersite.com/m/56504Alright. I love Tool right. But I mean seriously, in terms of musicianship, artistic ability and pure, unaltered talent; Ashlee Simpson just kicks Tool's ass. Seriously. Who could not relate to such deep songs as "Love Me for Me", "Pieces of Me" and my favorite, "La La". I mean, what exactly does "La La" mean? It could relate to her amazing musical ability, or simply her fondness for the Sound of Music as a child. Look at the album title, "Autobiography". This alone tells the deep Ashlee Simpson fan that she is showing herself to her fans. I mean, not only do I relate to her with her stellar 1.76 GPA, but I mean her lyrics just inspire me to know I can do better in life!
You know what's even better? How she spells her name as Ashlee instead of Ashley. It just makes her even more unique than other great singers because it is obviously misspelled.
And who can forget her AMAZING post during the Orange Bowl? You can clearly see her determination to music because even with her acid reflux disease; she sung through the ENTIRE set. I was so deeply moved. Her raw singing talent is just amazing and this was her best performance of her career.
I know that most people think Ashlee Simpson fans are just jocks who drive Mazda Miatas or their daddy's Mercedes; but look at me. I go to a $5,000 Community College. I wear only black and I love to paint my fingernails black for the added effect. But for some reason; I just love Ashlee Simpson.
Typical Traits of an Ashlee Simpson Hater:
1. Never listened to Ashlee Simpson
2. Gets caught up in those stupid guitar solos that make songs like 7 minutes
3. Likes to get "tipsy" off beer. (We all know Wine Coolers taste better!)
4. Can't understand the deep musicianship behind the seemingly linear lyrics
5. Gets "good ideas" of music from MTV 2. (We all know it's not better than TRL! Who are they fooling? Trying to find "underground stuff")
6. Requires plentiful references to "death" and "suicide", or "heavy stuff"
7. Frequently steals black stuff from the local drug store (I've never stolen in my life.)
8. Connects with music through its "philosophical meanings"
So, Fuck all of you bastards who hate pop music. As Ashlee Simpson says,
"You can dress me up diamonds
You can dress me up in dirt
You can throw me like a line-man
I like it better when it hurts
Oh, I have waited here for you
I have waited
You make me wanna la la
in the kitchen on the floor
I'll be your French maid
Where I'll meet you at the door
I'm like an alley cat
Drink the milk up, I want more"
And as Ashlee Simpson's big sister, Jessica Simpson said,
"The face that I see it's the woman in me
It's the woman that I wanna be
The face that I see it's the woman in me
It's the woman in me I see (I see)
As I look in, look in the mirror I see
Life is really here to be with me, oh"
In other words, to all you haters. Just listen and I guarantee you'll love her!
Oh yea, here are some other great bands to listen to:
Britney Spears
Jessica Simpson
Christina Aguilera
Shania Twain
Marc Anthony
William Hung
Milli Vanilli
And my favorite...
Mayhem (Oh man, I love their dedication to their songs! Killing people is so deep!)
:D (It's satire, in case ya couldn't tell.)
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