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When you have a messy breakup, it's nice to later make up, maybe not as lovers again, but it's just nice to know that you can still love them, and that they still love you, albeit differently.
I was dating this closeted gay man who said he just wanted to have fun, but in reality, we really ended up developing this serious love for each other. The sex was really good, and we enjoyed each other's company. Well, we had a very painful, messy break-up last September, after which I wouldn't take his numerous calls. He finally stopped calling. I finally didn't feel like I was able to get over the heartache until I knew he didn't hate me, and so I called him this past week to get together with him. He responded immediately, I could hear the love in his voice. I finally saw him last night - we saw "Hitch" together - and it was really nice to feel that mutual warmth again, snuggling, touching him. I'm not sure how much further it will go, but it's nice to know he's okay. Even if I don't see him anymore, I still feel better.
It's also kind of sad because you realize that what you thought you had at one time, you never really did have. That is, at least in this case, he and I were always very physically attracted to each other - love at first sight, really - but mentally, we are so far apart, and that's what led to our fallout.
First time I met him last March, I was out at my watering hole one night, and he was across the room, and I was like, wow, gorgeous! and I playfully waved. He looked, and walked over and started talking with me. We parted later that night, and I thought - like most people I meet - I'd never see him again. Three months later in June, he turned up there again! Well, we got off and running at that point. Went to Gay Pride, went out to dinner, traveling out of town a bit, clubs - all the while he's saying, "I don't want to fall in love. I get hurt." Meanwhile, we're falling in love, LOL.
But eventually, the cracks start to appear: he snaps at me due to his feelings of inadequacy due to his lower income; in fits of anger, he makes threats to me, calls me asshole, stupid (of course, back in his country in Asia, he probably treated gays just like that, used their bodies for sexual release while making them submit to his will); he lies/fails to tell me about things he should; he yells at me (a gay man) one night, "you are a woman! You need to dress up in high heels and a skirt because that's what you are!" I also have a temper, FWIW, so I'm not such a great catch.
I know, I know - nobody deserves that treatment, but love is so blind. Sometimes I wish I could control my desires and to whom I'm attracted, because I always seem drawn to people who end up having really serious problems. Or are gays just disproportionately troubled? Especially closeted ones? I used to have a cardinal rule not to date bisexuals and closeted gays, but again, animal magnetism would not be denied.
I just wanted to get that off my chest - thanks for listening! :hi:
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