Best way to freak out my mom?

[da_chimperor]

K, so the story is I'm going home for the first time in 3 years. It's not that I didn't want to go back to visit, it was a combination of college and money. Anyhow, since she hasn't seen her darling little boy (yes, she STILL calls me that) in so long, I'm figuring out the best way to make sure my visit has an 'impact'. I'm 22 years old, and as much as I love my mom she insists that I be 'presentable' at all times. Now who or what she wants to present me to is unknown. I've decided to give mom a bit of a surprise, in return for her draconian control of my appearance during my younger years. So, input? :D

[flamingyouth]

1. May you some day have children.

:D

[da_chimperor]

5. I'm actually really looking forward to having children . . . later in life

I'm the type that values self expression. As long as they do well in school, they can have a bone through their nose.

[UdoKier]

2. Challenge her sexism this way.

Wear a manskirt and put your hair in rollers. Then you'll be bucking conformity, too.

Tongue piercings seem so... copycat.

[da_chimperor]

7. The thing is, I've wanted a tonger piercing since I was 10

I saw a guy in a magazine with one, and I instantly knew that I'd have one some day. Plus, a certain female friend of mine would like it. ;)

[HereSince1628]

3. Show up in draq.

Something not to "otre"

But maybe a few sparklees just for fun

[da_chimperor]

9. Eh, don't know about the drag thing. I'm planning on wearing 'klompen'

when I get off the plane. Those are traditional dutch wooden shoes. That should go over well.

[Technowitch]

4. Get a tattoo

And a piercing.

[da_chimperor]

11. I'm still working out what I want as my first tattoo

I'll be getting one, it's just a question of when. I think I'll save that surprise for the next visit. :)

[Technowitch]

72. Mine's a long-stemmed rose, on my right leg, with the bloom in a pentagram

:)

[7th_Sephiroth]

6. show up with a mandate

like W

[da_chimperor]

15. Eh, well, I could . . .

but i'm not into men. :shrug:

[7th_Sephiroth]

17. what about the trans gender?

[da_chimperor]

21. Eh, I think my mom is too accepting of things like that

She loves gay men, and she would have no problem with me being gay, so I don't think that angle will work. A more 'radical' appearance will most likely be the best approach. I could grow a beard and wear a beret. :shrug:

[7th_Sephiroth]

28. show up covered in red dies corn syrup

and a fake head and meat cleaver

[da_chimperor]

31. You must have the best Halloween costumes in town

Airport security won't like that getup.

[7th_Sephiroth]

35. hmmmmm

than the turban idea is out then, too

[Blue-Jay]

8. Instant freakout: Bring Dookus home for Thanksgiving.

Hey, it worked on my parents...

[da_chimperor]

18. So can I borrow him for like a day?

He can stay for dinner. I make the best grilled teriyaki chicken EVER.

[fortyfeetunder]

10. Make an impact by showing up in your nice suit

And carry some roses with a note saying "I Love You Mom". That will make mamas cry every time.

Then change into your regular duds just to get comfortable.

As a mama (who insists her son dress nicely too), no I wouldn't be at all shocked at the body piercing and hair dyeing. That would be too predictable. Then you are left with a new image that you probably didn't want in the first place.

[da_chimperor]

13. Or how about a suit with the green hair and tongue piercing?

That could be kinda cool . . . hmm . . . and I could get a tie to match my hair! Perfect! Thanks for the inspiration! :D I dunno if I could get the roses though customs. Damn agriculture controls . . . but I'll probably end up cooking for her like I used to do once I get back. I actually think she would be amused. I'm not doing this just to shock her, as I've already had a look like this and I'm wanting to have it back again. Thanks for the insight, though. :hi:

[magnolia]

16. That's what I was thinking....

...only go a step further...rent a tux. Full black tie gear.

Quite honestly...since I'm a mom too I'd say go dressed exactly the way you think she would like, without giving up your own uniqueness. I'm sure you can find a compromise. When my daughter comes home it is such a beautiful moment when I see her face...my heart lifts...that I wouldn't ruin that for her. I've never gone more that a month not seeing my daughter...three years is a long time. Just seeing you and how much you have changed will be shock enough.

[Sporadicus]

12. Is That Any Way to Treat...

the mother that bored ye?...err...bore ye?

[da_chimperor]

14. Yup, sure is.

Mom has a degree in child psychology, so she had us all doing exactly what she wanted without us knowing it. Cooking 6 nights a week for the family and acting as the family bus means I get free reign to have weird hair. And heck, this is California we're talking about.

[Sporadicus]

19. 'Bored' Was the Correct Word, Then

:7

[tigereye]

26. then freaking her out might involve being a born again,

or something like that. ( or worse a Bushie) ;)

[khashka]

20. Tongue piercing is for sissies - pierce your throat

I did. It's quite a conversation starter. Most people ask if it hurt. When my mom's with me she usually answers yes, it hurt her.

So if you really wanna freak her out. Try it. And it's much more obvious than a wussy little tongue piercing.

Ah, kids now days. They don't know anything do they?

Khash.

[da_chimperor]

29. Uh, throat piercing?

That's a bit much for me. It's not the pain, it's just a bit too far out for my second piercing.

[khashka]

45. Oh it ain't that bad

You know that little hollow just above your collar bone? That place where they do a tracheotomy? There. Just a small gold or stainless steel ring...

Where's you're first piercing?

I've got 14. So I guess maybe I'm on the fast track....

Khash.

[da_chimperor]

52. Hmm, interesting . . .

I've got a feeling that things could go south rather quickly if it got infected. I've got my eyebrow pierced, nothing big.

[khashka]

57. Infection is rarely a problem

Get it done by a professional under sterile conditions, religiously clean it while it's healing. After it's healed make sure it remains clean. Good advice for all piercings.

In twenty years of piercing experience, the ones that result in the most problems are belly button piercings.

Khash.

[RevolutionaryActs]

22. I know the perfect way to freak her out......

Go home looking exactly like your avatar! :thumbsup:

[da_chimperor]

I'd have to rob some castle in Austria to get the crown

and I hate to break it to ya, but I'm just not a hairy guy.

[RevolutionaryActs]

27. Well damn! My plan has fallen to ruins! Ruins I say!

*melodramatic voice* Oh the horror!!!!!!! *faints*

[da_chimperor]

30. Drama, it's ALWAYS drama with you

:eyes: *pours water over rev_acts*

[RevolutionaryActs]

33. *sputters* What'd you do that for!?

:P

Hey I could pretend to be your Russian mail order bride, would that freak your mom out? I don't speak Russian, but we could work around that. :silly:

[da_chimperor]

36. You fainted, silly. How else was I going to wake you up?

That's also an idea. Shall I call you Irina? Or Svetlana? :dunce:

[RevolutionaryActs]

37. Ivanna

:+

[da_chimperor]

39. Mrs. Ivana Tinkle

That's perfect. :+

[RevolutionaryActs]

41. HAHAHAHAHA!

I thought I was going to be Mrs. Ivanna Chimp? :P

[da_chimperor]

42. Nah, an embarassing name will add to the effect.

Chimp isn't bad enough. :P

[RevolutionaryActs]

48. Ivanna

Peemipants? :silly:

[da_chimperor]

49. Ivanna

touchyorbut? ;)

[RevolutionaryActs]

50. dassit!

:7

[da_chimperor]

53. Yay!

:toast:

[RevolutionaryActs]

55. Now, just tell me when and where and I shall act as your

Russian mail order bride, Ivanna Touchyorbut. :D

[da_chimperor]

58. K, you're gonna need to be at the Oakland international airport

around the first week in July. How's that for you?

[RevolutionaryActs]

59. Sounds good.

I'll see there! :7

[da_chimperor]

63. Dress . . . provocatively

and don't chicken out on me!

[benny05]

23. Get your hair dyed gray

Cut it like Republican's, wear a blue suit with a red tie, wear your Dutch clogs, and have your fly unzipped. Then you will look like W with a California twist.

[da_chimperor]

32. Eh . . . okay, looks like even I have limits

Never, ever, ever. :scared:

[benny05]

67. How about buying a Wig like Dana Carvey wears when he's W

Probably cheaper than dyeing your hair. I also think your Russian bride to order could look like Stepford (Laura) Bush. You see, I proposed the ultimate freak out, and you had your limits. KEWL!

That or perhaps you could try to dress up like Charlton Heston when he was in "Planet of the Apes". On the other hand, one doesn't wish to insult the apes, does one!

[Placebo]

24. Piercings always do the trick.

And if you get your tongue pierced, she'll think you're gay! Double-whammy to mommy! :D

[da_chimperor]

34. She might at that

:evilgrin:

[Justitia]

25. As a mom, w/a son your age....

When she says "presentable", she may mean acceptable hygiene and clean clothes - LOL.

We moms worry about germs and icky stuff no matter how old you are. The tongue piercing freaks me out on every level, as I wildly imagine fatal staph infections. Trust me, it has nothing to do with your quest for non-conformity. I had purple hair once and thought it was cool too.

If you really want to freak us out, tell us you enlisted and are being sent overseas - but that is NOT funny in any sense of the word! Point being, we want you happy and healthy and safe. Cut the parental unit some slack, she loves you, you said so yourself. O8)

[da_chimperor]

38. So, then no problem looking kinda freaky when I get back

I'll be happy, healthy, and safe. I'll start getting lippy if she gets upset.

[Justitia]

43. Nope. As long as you are clean, with no health-threatening piercings

how can she object?

As far as appearance goes, I would only seriously freak out if my sometimes smelly offspring showed up wearing a Bush-Cheney t-shirt.

:wow:

[da_chimperor]

44. Exactly. I win.

:D

[wolfgirl]

61. As a Mom

of twin 19 yr olds, I totally agree. I was always telling to dress better, sit up/stand up straight, eat their veggies, etc., etc.
But they were always free to be who they wanted to be, have a strong opinion that didn't match mine, listen to whatever music they thought was hip....so, if your Mom is anything like me...don't freak her out. You're an adult now and it just isn't necessary. She is dealing with enough emotion with you not being there for her to see every day. I know...mine are off at college and I don't care how they look when they come in the door..I just love 'em coming in that door.

:grouphug:

[da_chimperor]

68. The more I think about it, I think she would laugh at me if I came back

with green hair. She'd want to tell all of her friends about how weird I looked when I came back. I'm not trying to upset her, after all. :)

[wolfgirl]

70. Just go

and enjoy all the hugs!!

[da_chimperor]

71. Yes, and she'll enjoy my cooking

The funny thing is she misses my cooking more than I miss hers. :D

[JimmyJazz]

40. tell her you wanna marry Joe Strummer.

HEY! Don't knock it -- it worked for me! :)

[da_chimperor]

46. I doubt my mom knows who he is.

And he's passed on, in any case. I've already told her I'd like to buy a zeppelin, though. I could mention that again.

[JimmyJazz]

62. how old is your mom that she wouldn't know who Joe Strummer is?

BTW - you could always get a tattoo - that worked pretty well for me, too.

[da_chimperor]

64. She's in her mid 50's, but i'm sure she never listen to the clash

Totally not her genre.

[HeyManThatsCool]

47. I thought this would be a good joke

One time I decided to play a practical joke on my grama (to get her back for one she did to me).


I called her up & said I really needed to talk to her... in person. So I went to see her & sat her down and said grama, I'm pregnant.
Instead of freaking out like I thought she would she started clapping & going, "I'm so happy"! I was like, what? (I was 20, not married, still in school)

Seems she wanted me to have kids ASAP.

My bad.


She laughed when I told her I was kidding but then spent the next few years telling me to go ahead and get pregnant. lol

[da_chimperor]

60. Whoa, pretty cool grandma

My mom would flip out quite a bit.

[DrWeird]

51. Henna maori style facial tattoo.

Tell her it's permanent.

[da_chimperor]

54. Ooooooo, that's EEEEEEEVIL . . . .

and I like it. :evilgrin:

[Left Is Write]

56. I probably wouldn't do anything, but I'm like that.

Don't do anything JUST to shock your mother. Don't do anything you wouldn't be considering if it weren't for this visit. If you'd do it even if you weren't going to see your mom, then go for it.

My son is only three, but I can certainly understand calling even one's grown son "darling little boy." It's often like that with mothers and sons.

[Zerex71]

65. Best way I've found yet is to not be married by the time you're 34.

*S*

[Merrick]

66. Yeah, tongue pearcings are conformist. How about chopping off your arm?

instead. Or both your legs. That'd be wicked cool. Might start a new trend.

[da_chimperor]

69. Do you know how much blood i'd have to clean up if I did that?

I hate cleaning. No way. x(

[Guy Fawkes]

73. tell her you're a Scientologist eom