(Borderline Personality Disorder)
And I think he's right. I just read some of the information on it at
http://www.palace.net/~llama/psych/bpd.html and other places and I think he's right.
I've also been diagnosed (correctly, I believe) with severe, treatment-resistant major depression, post-traumatic stress disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder.
For a long time I didn't believe the PTSD and OCD diagnoses, but it's become too obvious to ignore. So has the borderline personality disorder.
I've always had a prejudice against personality disorders and the thought that I may have one really took the wind out of my sails. I mean, how can I trust myself? Recently, an asshole drove me off a forum. I'm pretty sure I identified him correctly, but the anger over losing that "support" forum grew so intense it nearly did me in. I feel guilty for standing up for myself and never know if I'm the problem or if the other person is. It rarely occurs to me that it could be a combination.
I've lost a lot of friendships lately and I'm crushed. I can never figure out what I did to cause it, how much was my fault, how much was theirs.
Recently, I lost control of my anger and felt enormous guilt. And I found myself self-mutilating again, this time to stop panic attacks. At times during the past year I've felt like I've become unglued from my own body.
I've tried hard to be a good person and ending up with basically nothing has been a hard pill to swallow. I've always heard that personality disorders are almost impossible to treat.
A couple of lines jumped out at me:
"Stimulate a passion, and the borderline emotionally bleeds to death."
"Miscellaneous attributes of people with BPD:
People with BPD are often bright, witty, funny, life of the party.
They frequently have difficulty tolerating aloneness, even for short periods of time.
Their lives may be a chaotic landscape of job losses, interrupted educational pursuits, broken engagements, hospitalizations.
Many have a background of childhood physical, sexual, or emotional abuse or physical/emotional neglect."
I wonder...how could anyone love someone like me?