Alright, I'm feeling REALLY left out here!

[Bouncy Ball]

The right wing and the fundies keep talking about how the gay community and their "homosessual" agenda are INFILTRATING all our lives.

Um, did you guys forget about me or something?

No one has busted into my home, pinned my husband down and taught him show tunes. Or made him faux texture the walls.

No one has even OFFERED me a toaster, comfy shoes, or flannel shirts.

And we aren't even CLOSE to divorcing because of you bastards.

Aren't we worthy of being corrupted and deviated? Hell, we have a 10 year old CHILD and no one is even targeting us. She could be a Lesbian Extraordinare and all you guys got is SPONGEBOB????? She's so over Spongebob.

Come on. I think y'all are falling down on the job. And I live in a red state, too. Aren't we supposed to be Special Targets of the Gayness? Where are the hordes of gay men swooping us off to pride parades? Or shoe sales at Nordstrom's?

Dammit. Either the fundies are lying about this shit, or for some reason, we are being SNUBBED by the gay community and are not a prime target. Either way, I'm pissed.

[matcom]

1. did you place the feather boa on your mailbox like the pamphlet says?

how else are they going to even KNOW your home?

[Bouncy Ball]

2. Hey you're back!

Welcome!

Um, but, I thought they were infiltrating EVERYONE......my daughter started playing dress up with the boa and it got torn up.

Guess I need to get a new one. :shrug:

[matcom]

5. yup. i'm back (unfortunately)

maybe they just haven't gotten to your street yet? :shrug:

i know the words to Brigadoon if it will help your hubby :D

[Bouncy Ball]

14. Ah, so they've gotten to you, then?

[frictionlessO]

3. every other thread you start couldbe an editorial or OP, too funny and

too true...

bouncy rocks!








edited: because unlike Bouncy me gramma skeels sux!!!?

[Bouncy Ball]

13. Thank you, my dear!!!

Your gramma skeels are fin!

[frictionlessO]

27. tank yu@ np

[meegbear]

4. If you'd like, I'll pop by and indoctrinate you ...

I have enough toasters anyways.

[Bouncy Ball]

9. Well thank GOD one of you is on the ball on this.

Sheesh. So how many points do you get for each conversion???

[meegbear]

25 points

like Dungeons and Dragons where you add them to your persona. Hell, I've got 18,975 in Butch points already.

[Bouncy Ball]

17. My God. A true champ.

If anyone can get some major conversions down, it's you.

I'm feeling butchier already. Wow. That's some SERIOUS fricking power. The fundies must be right!!!!!

[meegbear]

18. YEAH!

now lets smoke some cigars and make fun of the breeders. We'll start with that "thing" you call a husband until he sees the light.

[Bouncy Ball]

22. Hey, I like cigars!!!

What do you mean "start with?" Sounds like fun!

[meegbear]

23. Cool! Let's do it!

[Misunderestimator]

6. What?!? You never got the toaster I sent you?

[Bouncy Ball]

11. HELL no.

What's up? Where'd it go? You are going to lose those Conversion Points.

You guys are just slackers, that's all there is to it. It's like you just want to live your lives in peace or something.

[mr_hat]

7. You don't think they'd let you know you'd been infiltrated,

do you? They don't.

That's what makes their deviant attacks all the more, erm, devious.

[Bouncy Ball]

12. Well now THAT at least makes more sense.

But I have no reason to believe the SLACKER gay community is that on top of this stuff. They're just letting primo targets slide on by.

[peekaloo]

8. What about those Bratz your child plays with?

Subtle and deadly I tells ya.

[Bouncy Ball]

15. I dunno.

I asked her the other day if she likes boys or girls and she said neither. So how do those Bratz dolls work again?

[peekaloo]

20. Oh my you must have bought the Mis-Anthropic series!

[Demit]

10. The gay community has been sidetracked momentarily up here in a blue state

listening to my Barbara Streisand albums. They will be descending on you shortly.

[Bouncy Ball]

16. It's about fucking TIME.

When can I expect them? I want to tidy up, put out some munchies and some wine.

[Beer Snob-50]

19. I think the guy who cuts my hair is trying to change me

he gave me his little black book of "great restaurants" in Montreal when I go next month. He also told me about all the gay strip clubs he goes to when he is up there.

[Bouncy Ball]

21. See, that's never happened to me.

:shrug:

[Beer Snob-50]

24. well I will send him your way if you would like.

I see him before the shop opens and he does sometimes play bette midler while cutting my hair.

[Fleshdancer]

25. It's the damn Gay bearuacracy...slows everything down.

I completely understand your frustration. I've been on the phone with headquarters for two hours now and I'm just getting the run around. Not ONE visit. Damn them.

[Bouncy Ball]

28. WHAT??? YOU HAVE A PHONE NUMBER???

Where the hell didja get that? #$%*(#*$(*($@#($

[Fleshdancer]

32. the pamphlet of course!

where did you think I got it from?? Please tell me you at least received the pamphlet. How about the newsletters? Are you getting the monthly newsletters?

I also get emails, but I ignore them. All they do is ask for more money in those damn things.

[Bouncy Ball]

35. Um, I get newsletters from the Stonewall Democrats of Tarrant County

does that count?

I get newsletters from HRC. Does that count? PFLAG?

[salvorhardin]

26. Well...

I found a pink mitten on the hood of my car a few days ago. Does this mean I've been recognized by the gay community? Did I make a mistake giving it to the mother of the little girl who lives across the street and occasionally likes to draw bunny rabbits in the snow on my car? I really wish you'd all make the homosexual agenda a little less ambiguous. I don't own a TV so its' hard for me to keep up on it, what with not having Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson to keep me informed.

[Bouncy Ball]

29. No kidding, I wish they'd let us know.

As someone who does own a TV, but rarely ever watches it, I feel your pain.

Hey maybe that's why!!! Maybe they send special radio waves through the TV set and they aren't getting to me because of my resistance to the inanity that is television!!!!

[sundog]

30. We're booked solid right now dear

we have you penciled in for April 2006. If something comes up, we'll reschedule & let you know in advance. :7

[Bouncy Ball]

31. Well that's quite a backlog you got there.

What's the holdup? I'm 34 years old, you'd think one of you would have gotten to me by NOW.

And as for my husband, well, I think one of you did get to him sometime in 87, but he doesn't tend to talk about that nowdays.

[ScreamingMeemie]

33. arwalden once offered me an entire deluxe kitchen if I would just

hand over the goods...the goods being MrG. :)

[Fleshdancer]

36. you passed up an ENTIRE deluxe kitchen???

hmmm, that's a tough one.

:)

[6000eliot]

34. Sounds like you're just begging

for a visit from the "Queer Eye" guys.